should I go in?

no I did not think that ...QuietOne....I am getting pissed off because I don't know what to do...I am crap with a keyboard (imagine a bikie making toast with hands tied)
you keep saying the same thing and I don't know what to do...!??

yeh I admit it...I care about you and I don't know what to do...??

imagine if I was sayin' every time I am checkin' out to you.?!

no it aint good enough...try harder ...I dont even know your name and I care heaps....so yes mate....try harder...every effort you make is GOOD for me....even if you feel crap...it's fine with me.

you are not stupid...can you see how I feel? worried about you.

have I given up on you QuietOne?

no I have not.

so yeh you try.....and keep tryin'!!

( you know I aint to damn marvelous myself right now....a bit shaky and whatever)

i know you are worried, i'm sorry. i am doing ALL i can right now.

yesterday even though i went out and took the scripts i didn't get them filled so it is harder to do something.

i absolutely cannot call crisis because i KNOW they will just turn up with police/ambulance and take me to hospital, they have threatened before. i will TRY to take the call from T tomorrow if she calls, but i know she will be shity with me because going to hospital friday was meant to help so i could cope and use my DBT skills. but it hasn't helped.

right now i am trying to do positive things. i am looking at shopping online, looking at buying things i want so i will have to stay alive for them to arrive in the post. i know it's not much but it's all i can manage at the moment.

the thoughts and voices are too much.. i've always tired to be positive and think well things are s*it now but they will get better and i will have a normal life, well guess what? my pdoc said the other day that nope that was unrealist. i will never have a normal life, i will never be able to function normally, live like all my friends, no all i can hope for is to be able to function. and yeah when i hear that i think whats the point?

i'm sorry i am worrying you so much i really am.

if you want to talk about whats going on for you i am happy to listen and try to help..

wtf? can you change doctors?????? That guy needs jumper cables attached to his berries!!!

apparently according to my T she is a really good pdoc and the only one who won't force meds on me. plus cuz it's the public system i don't think i can change..

she's not the first to say it.. they've been saying it for years just less directly. when i was in hospital before i moved they were going to put me in residential psych ward cuz they didn't believe i would be able to live out of hospital, they even almost said that under a treatment order i had to have ECT.

maybe they are right?

it's ok girl...it really is...!!..it's ok..I know I am pushing you places that you maybe don't recognise....and yes I am being selfish.

it's for me cos I want you to be ok...and its for you and then back at me...what a selfish arsehole I am!

...ok look QuietOne...I can handle it!....I aint no sook! for some reason I have been selected out of the abundance of life?? to protect you right now!

If you don't like it then thats toooo bad!....

I have an assignment and you are extremely difficult you sweet crazy little girly!!
my assignment is to help you through this part of your life.

listen to me now OK!!

STOP listening to the negative stuff... block your ears if you must.

the people that make you really feel bad cannot be trusted...OK

this is very important...I hope you trust me...the people that can change your mind and inspire you and remind you what the sod you are doing here..
QuietOne....you are quiet but I know you get me

Do they give you any coping skills at all? I have these lunch cooler things...when I feel like I want to go walk on hot coals....I go stand on them...and I keep doing it over and over and over. I come on here....I talk to my t by phone today...it was a bad day...anyway...go get some ice cubs and I dare you to try and hold them for 5 minutes...bet you wont get through one minute. LOL What kind of cyber bet could we make...you'll have to tell me. Look...it doesn't matter what med people say...they're just people, and they have to cover their butts. Why don't you want to be on meds?

I agree 100% !!!!

okay i'm trying..

now i think it's fair if i get to know a little more about you.. i know your name is james and your in australia.. but how old are you? and which part of australia?

i will answer questions too if you want..

I know you're talking to James right now, but my name is Aleks. We're in the same boat right now...so why don't we just decide to row? What do you think? You take half, and I'll take half. I'm 34. I have 5 kids...three of them are 4 year old triplets. My special needs female triplet ran away today and the police were called for the third time on me. And that's in the past 6 months. We have done everything we can but we're still be investigated by Child Protective Services....I have to stay alive for my kids...what do you want to stay alive for?

i do have DBT skills and i have been trying them.. i can't get ice at the moment cuz theres people in the kitchen and they will ask questions.

i have been on SO many different meds and they don't help. my family REALLY don't want me back on meds and if i get out back on them i can't handle the fights with my family and the pdoc with me stuck in the middle trying to please them both.

Okay this is exactly where your DBT is used. If you are surrounded by people who aren't helping you and supporting you to make the best choices for yourself....than...you need to tell yourself...they are thinking of themselves, and not me. I want to be on meds. If they can't support that...then that's their problem...not mine. I want to live, and if they aren't going to help me live...then they are not the 'safe' people I need in my life right now. You are the one who needs care. Not them. You are the patient...you need to make your own decisions...as you're the one who gets to live with the consequences....no?

You gotta take control...and if they get pissed....too bad for them!! You're taking care of yourself, and doing what's best for yourself. there is no reason to suffer. If you want meds. take the damn meds.

ok ..well now you have cornered me!!

you think you are difficult? and I bet you are and I know you are.

I am a bad boy...years of recklessness and drug abuse...tattoos and scars and 40 yrs old...I still can look neat in the right get up!...but I don't care.
all my best buddies have died...I have worked over 50 jobs and hung out with some real nasty people!...I was real nasty too for a bit.
I am borderline...extremely difficult but so soft it could make you cry.....no-one gives me ****......I have that borderline look...I am neat and tidy and I care alot about stuff....

I can see lies from miles away and I can adore a mate from miles away.

I get upset alot...pissed off and I break things...but I don't hurt anybody

i love little kids! i'm sorry that child protective services are involved. i'm staying alive because my dad wouldn't want me to die when he fought to stay alive for me and my brother.. also because i'm scared of the consequences if i try something and fail.

my name is Rose and i'm 19.. where a bouts are you from?

my mum scares the hell out of me. and i'm terrified of loosing her. i know your right i'm just not strong enough to stand up to her.

hey rose...very cool ...thankyou for telling me.( not sure if you wanted me to know...but I do)

Jboy

you seem really nice to me.. i'm glad you are not the james i was worried you were (a guy from the therapy centre i go to, who is really nice but i get anxious talking to him)

any thing you want to know about me?

if i didn't want you to know i would have PMed it instead..

hey rose girly....check out your thread!!

it's come ALIVE!!

maybe I am just too damn polite for my badass self Rose...

awesome name...

it's actually my middle name.. Ross..
kinda old fashioned...but its ross...rose...nice

I'm from Texas. I'm a damn good mom to my kids...there ya go. Do it for your dad. Make him proud. I don't kill myself for the same reasons you don't...cause it'll hurt like hell, and the last two times I tried it didn't work. So there you go. Mommies can be scary...my mom thinks there's nothing wrong with me. Most likely cause she doesn't want to be the mom that 'missed' something I think. However you feel about her....you gotta just tell yourself...."I'm who is important here" "I'm the one who is in control!" And....if you need help talking to your mom....tell the pdoc to talk to her...or have her call me!!!!

ya know Rose...you really are somethin"....
I can pretty much tackle anything but.....you are a little magic

I never even imagined I would know your name and even that you would be around to tell it.

the mysteries of the females...hang on to that Rose...you are quite remarkable.

crazy other side of planet man!

yeah i have tried but she actually yells and screams at the pdocs/psychs/nurses anyone.. i guess for now i'm just going to try and stay off them.. but idk. thanks for the suggestions though.

well i'm trying.. my best friend from high school just msged me and suggested i see my private psych cuz i get on with her better.. i'm not sure if i can call her and say i need an appt cuz i'm not meant to see her till the 31st jan...

yeh...give her a buzz....the worst is that no-one picks up!

welcome to my house...I never pick up the phone.

I get more wrong numbers than anything...and I argue bitterly and for no reason that it's the right one cos I need the attention...hehe

then I say piss off!!

you really give me a buzz that you are alive Rose