how borderline personality disorder changes over your lifetime

Yes! Me, too. Part of it is that I knew I could re-invent myself when I was younger (just like Madonna, Michael Jackson, and so on). But I've lost so many resources that this is no longer possible. Or not in the slick way that it used to be. Also, uh, I make a huge effort not to lie. I used to lie a lot. (Sometimes in complete lies, sometimes just half-truths.) But I've come to realize that what I have always been desperate for is relationship based on acceptance, not admiration. That is, I used to mostly get by on a kind of perfectionism, bluster, aggression, charm. All those traits we, and others, know so well. In the end, they failed me. What's left seems so pathetically fragile--so small. And, I have no control over whether or not it is enough. In fact, if I really respect other people, I have to stay out of their "space" so much of the time that I don't feel like there is anyone there at all, that there is really any connection at all. The incredible thing that therapy has done for me, is that my therapist IS always there. Not that he answers the phone, or that he will take my crisis calls--he insists that I have another team for that. But he is always there for therapy and has told me over and over through the years that he will never fire me. We're going on seven years. Sometimes I can only get there every five or six weeks, and go a little crazy with fear, but, when it's possible to return, there he is, just like always. I've come to realize I am very lucky in this. I don't know what others do if their families desert them and their therapist does too. I wonder if I would be strong enough to keep on. I hope so, but I am so grateful that I have not had to face that horrible test.

I havent been able to get anyone to stick with me in my complete recovery of severe anxiety and borderline traits , I have passed on to one person then another . So good to hear you have a good repall sorry about spelling with your therapist . I have been told , I dont know how to help you as well . I have been on to a social worker , whos willing to help , but she thinks I would be better off with some couselling services elsewhere. They could do more then she can , I dont know who to go to anymore so I thought about a support website like phychcentrol to help , I have a few symptoms of borderline disorder , coping with and alot of anxiety . thanks for your reply back means alot to me ..

I have seen my symptoms slow down only a little over the years. I'm in my 40's now and I still think of cutting and often feel rage and sadness...I don't think it ever goes away.

Wow - this is a mirror to my life! I have completely isolated myself from people because I've lived the cycle too many times I just don't want to do it anymore.

I crashed about a year ago and I'm more depressed and defensive at this age, too - almost like 13 again... JUST what I wanted!

[quote=bpd2;2347223]Yes! Me, too. Part of it is that I knew I could re-invent myself when I was younger (just like Madonna, Michael Jackson, and so on). But I've lost so many resources that this is no longer possible. Or not in the slick way that it used to be.

I can relate to this! I just am not up for it anymore and I changed so many times I lost track of where I begin and where I end.

it seems quite more common to suffer with depression and anxiety , in your 40s age group with bpd , then the impulsive destructive behavour's in your teens and 20s age group.

sadness does seem to be more of a problem as we age with this disorder of bpd.

I can relate to this, and I've also read bpd was to dimish with age. I don't feel that my symptoms have dimished with age.

-cbox

I think cured is misleading. It can go into remission with treatment, however the potential exists that it can return.

Dad was correct!!

-cbox

I was lead to believe this by my phychiatrist at the time in 1995 for twenty year's when I went on to live a normal life again . You can imagine my heartache when I came down sick with severe anxiety , that I had borderline personality traits . I keep telling the medicial people all the time , I was cured of bpd how could I have traits of it. However I was told by the medical proffession that its not cured but managed . I dont believe my phychaitrist mislead me at the time . I feel he probaly believed that I was cured . I have never had borderline disorder ever like I had it twenty years ago. I have never been hospitalised with it either . So I am cured of having it ever in a severe form . I feel Im safe to say that .

Do you think this is just your experience or have you read any studies that confirm this? The reason I ask is because I've been treated off and on for YEARS for depression, started treatment for ADD in January of 2011, and recently a psychiatrist client (not my doc, a client of my marketing firm) said he thinks I'm bipolar (but then again, he specializes in bipolar, so it might be like a person with a hammer--everything looks like a nail!). At this point I'm just confused and soooo in need of help. Honestly, BPD sounds more like me the more I read about it, and at 59 this seems to worsen with age rather than improve, so that's why I'm asking about your comment.

Thanks for any insights,
Anne

This is my personal experince with bpd, not from any study , in the late 80s when I was diagnosed with it , 1987 not very much was known about the disorder . I would rarely find another person with the condition that I could relate to about it . All I can tell you my experince with bpd got better as I got older . Im not saying this happen's with everyone . However you do find younger people have the symptoms more severe . However this is not your experince . Everyone experince's the disorder differently .

I can only relate to the childhood and teenage years as Im only 20yrs old, still not officially diagnoses but as I read more and more on bpd I show so many traits some wors than others, not too impulsive at least with the examples given, but I also have severe anxiety. I just don't know what is going to happen everone in my family is telling me that I overthink things and see the worst in every situation, the don't see the fact I really am worried even scared. I just this last semester crased, stress got to me, I wasn't sleeping for more than 3-4hrs for 2 months, started cutting again. I went from a 3.2 at the end of my first year to now a 1.92 acidem. probation and had changed my major in a split sec. decision (hopefully suits me more). And all I get from my family is them telling me that "I lack motivation, lazy, drama queen, sleep too much, that I bring this all (mental illness) onto myself etc." Then they go and say I should seek help for my issues and I need to figure all this out but they fail to see all the "red flags" and they say they are "trying" and "want to help" me but then go and push me aside and lay all their issues on me when I ask for them to help and support me. I love my family dearly but they need to stop with the mixed signals they send to me, and realize that I need their full support, they tell me to fix myself but deny I have any thing going on such as bpd, bi-polar etc.

Nobody know what its like to walk in our shoes , people as well as family show some compassion to a point then it come's to an end and start blameing yourself for all your problems , we didnt ask to be this way it just happen . I understand about severe anxiety for I have that myself . just want to say hang in there . and take care

octobersblackrose and acrosstheborderline - i can totally relate to both of your last posts

x

Me too!

Of course, it's possible that BPD does improve with age and that I was worse when I was younger but just didn't/don't know it!

In my situation, however, I really feel much more rageful, have much faster mood swings and have much more difficulty coping than I remember having when I was younger. I dunno. That's the problem with mental illness. If I weren't mentally ill, this would all be clear to me haha

Anne

So, I am new to this site and have done an introduction of self and feel alone. (No one has replied???) Yet, it is letters like these that get me going. I am now ready to deaL and beginning my journey for the first time with youthful eyes.

I have been changing but my past is still creeping up on everyone effected...so, I am trying to inform them.

Am I doing the right thing or setting myself up to be revictimized?

Thanks so much for sharing what only you can know what I am enduring!!!

I wonder what 'recovery' really means for a 'personality' disorder as well. People say to me, just be yourself, but then I'm told I have a personality disorder, so it seems like they're saying try to be someone else and then you'll be well.

I feel recovery means no longer struggling in your daily life with symtom's of borderline personality disorder anymore . I was told I was cured of it twenty year's ago by my phychaitrist at the time . Ihave now got mild symptom's of bpd . I feel Im cured of having the bpd that bad where Im in and out of the pysch hospital.