I am honestly fed up with being BPD

I have been in such a state past week or so.

Ok some would say so it's because my mom has died but I think it goes much deeper than that.

I hadn't self harmed in ages but I sure have made up for it in the past week, My arms look terrible

I don't see my T until the 10th September and I will feel ashamed telling her what I have done even though she knows I have self harmed but I don't think she knows how bad.

I hate myself.
I hate the way I look.
I hate what I am.
I am worthless.
I am ugly.
I hate everything about me.

I HATE BEING BPD

Tink... You have been sad, very understandable.
You are very sweet, you are very pretty, you look very nice and you are not worthless.

We all have things that we don't like about ourselves, but I'm sure you are far too hard on yourself

Tink,
I wish I had a magical way of making you feel better but I don't. I can't even say I understand it all. My mom is where all my problems stem from and I have chosen not to talk to her knowing I have set myself up to feel guilt and pain later on. I'm just not willing to risk any more pain from her for at least now. All I can say is that I'm thinking about you and am here if you want to talk.

[whatsnew]

are you self harming to cope with your moms passing?
my mom died few months ago too
since then i have kinda numbed out

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Tinkerbell: Hi. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I understand your frustration with BPD. The symptoms of BPD are tough to live with and many of us diagnosed do not live with it, it kills us.
You are a strong person who is surviving this illness. Sometimes, fighting with it everyday, I get angry that I survive, but I know, after all that I have been through, that I am a survivor. I see that in your post too. Your pain is obvious, but so is your strength.

I encourage you to just keep fighting and learning and reaching out and growing. We both know that, as horrible as we may feel now, that feelings are temporary. The emotions we have will change, sooner or later.

As dark as it may be for you now, there likely will be other times that you will smile again. You will be able to see beauty again, where now there is only despair.

After night come dawn and with it, daylight. Hold on through the night, my fellow survivor.