[Kasmira]

Like, when did you first realize that your current diagnosis was wrong, or that maybe you had BPD?

I originally was diagnosed with MDD. I began searching again after I realized my relationships totally did NOT follow the pattern everyone else's did.

I was in denial that were was anything wrong for a long time. Mental illness was not accepted in my family and I didn't even consider it a possibility. Then, my problems became much worse last year due to a relationship I unwittingly got in to. It was actually the other person who found and showed me the traits of BPD and upon reading them it all made sense but it's like my entire being went "NOOOO!!". After the relationship ended with a loud crash and I couldn't cope, I found my way here and started hanging out in this forum. It didn't take long for me to realize that there was no way I could deny it; everyone posting was just like me and I was accepted for the first time. I was officially diagnosed just a few weeks ago.

I always knew that I was different and that I didn't fit in anywhere for years but I wouldn't get help but as I got older I became worse with harming myself and then I visited my doctor who referred me to a Pdoc and he diagnosed me with BPD and PTSD, I had never heard of BPD at first but I did a lot research into it and I was in denial for about 6 months or so.

[greyclouds]

Like buttercup I always knew my behaviour, they way I thought was not the same.
Last Jan things got really bad. I harmed myself every day and that's when I really started looking for answers.
I first thought maybe I was bipolar. But then everything stopped and my life seemed okay again. So I left it.
Things changed again in August and was harming again. I was angry confused just felt like my life was slipping and I came in here. Many suggested bipolar again and a few mention BPD. I did my research. I wrote down my life. What do you know... I was diagnosed December 2012 with BPD.

Things have for me been better since. I know that there is something wrong with me know. And I try to control certain feeling the best I can. Yeah it's tuff and anger is my biggest issue.
But I'm no longer harming for the time being. And group seems to help.

[Girl_interrupted89]

I suspected when I was 18 when someone called me "psy***". but I didn't really put much thought on it first because I was busy drinking almost every single day or fighting or beating the hell out of myself to relieve me from the empty or depressed or angry feeling (I don't cut). The bigger and blacker the bruises the better. I was only diagnosed 3 years ago when I snapped for the 2nd time after being unable to sleep for 10 days.

As of today I am better. I made myself allergic to alcohol and I haven't beat myself up in 5 months I think. (hurray!) it was replaced with anxiety,a bit of isolation and as all the tests says, I have an eating disorder (i just call it dieting). My emergency room visits have lessen with it thou so I see that as an improvement..

_________________________________________________________
everyone has some sort of weirdness, mine just isn't mainstream

Originally Posted by Girl_interrupted89

The bigger and blacker the bruises the better.

I do the bruises as well, and welts. Haven't in a while, though. Hoping for the best there.

[AngelWolf3]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_interrupted89
The bigger and blacker the bruises the better.


by Maranara

I do the bruises as well, and welts. Haven't in a while, though. Hoping for the best there.

ANYway...I think that's why I enjoyed martial arts so much. I was always the "uke" (person they demonstrate on) and the more bruises I got, the better. I loved getting hurt, like I deserved it. Traded punches with a guy and ended up with a big black "sleeve" bruise. It was intense.


So yeah, I understand that. Continued good luck to both of you, 5 months is great, GI89!

I've always felt "wrong". As long as I can remember I didn't fit in with everyone anyway..

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I've always felt "wrong". As long as I can remember I didn't fit in with everyone anyway..

I've never fit in...ever, but due to my conditioning growing up, it just COULDN'T be a MH issue! It was inconceivable for a long time, even though I was basically self-imploding.

Originally Posted by Maranara

I've never fit in...ever, but due to my conditioning growing up, it just COULDN'T be a MH issue! It was inconceivable for a long time, even though I was basically self-imploding.

OH i knew it was a MH issue. It was made clear I was fcked up.. the many times my mother would say 'do I need to take you to a psychiatrist? what's wrong with you!?" But never did get me that help. yeah. Talk about invalidating and demeaning.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I've known for a long time that something was wrong(I just didn't know what "it" was, and I certainly didn't realize how severe of a problem all of this actually is). It's gotten worse as I've gotten older, and therefore much harder to ignore/deny even though I still have days where I feel like nothing's wrong with me. That is, until I have another mood swing and then I'm in a suicidal rage or panicking or otherwise freaking out.

[BorderlineMess]

I didn't think a thing was wrong with me. I thought something was wrong with everyone else. I thought the world was messed up, not me. I was diagnosed with BPD and depression while in involuntary hospitalization 10 years ago after my second suicide attempt. At first I had no idea what BPD was. Once I learned about it, I was in denial for at least a year. I refused to believe I had a mental illness. Especially one from Axis II. That's what really made me mad.

Then I started to realize that maybe self-mutilating isn't normal, that constant suicidal thoughts aren't normal, that my paranoia isn't normal, etc, etc. So I began to accept it but didn't really seek help at first. Then more hospital visits and another suicide attempt later, I realized I should seek consistent psychiatric care.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

OH i knew it was a MH issue. It was made clear I was fcked up.. the many times my mother would say 'do I need to take you to a psychiatrist? what's wrong with you!?" But never did get me that help. yeah. Talk about invalidating and demeaning.

In most of our cases, we're BPD BECAUSE of being constantly invalidated when we were young. I get it...I was there. Much of my family has MH issues but would never admit it. Actually, I was ostracized about a year ago, when I discovered BPD, just for bringing it up...

yeah I know about family MH issues. Brother = classic narcissist, sister 1: generally neurotic and possibly ocd. had agoraphobia for a time. sister 2: I dont' know what it is exactly but total perfectionist. Father: Narcissist, possibly other things.

[Ultra Darkness]

The "total perfectionist" sister might be ocd. I think my own brother is sort of narcissistic too.

[Scorpio Eyes]

Last summer, when everything was going to Hell, I was called out on being "a manipulative sociopath" by about six people. So, I did some research on ASPD and spoke to a guy with BPD. Then I went to see a therapist to be sure.

[athena2011]

I have felt seriously defective since about age 6 or so, pretty much my entire conscious life. I survived by distracting myself with work. Until I burnt out and tried to finally face my issues. Survival is no longer good enough for me. I'll either get better or die trying. Either is better than the status quo.

I believe my mom and brother are both BPD as well....oh joy. I brought it up to a family friend who stated "I love them regardless" and I haven't heard from him since, though I mentioned me before either of them. Why do people refuse to see it when it can only help in the long run?

[ECHOES]

I always felt defective.

[fletch33]

Now that I think back on my past, I think I started showing symptoms of mental health problems when I was about 14 or 15. I was definitely depressed at that time. I had problems with friends, however, as young as 2nd grade or perhaps even younger. I could never keep friends for long and was constantly trying to manipulate and control them.