gaining understanding

How do I make people understand my BPD??? Alot of people write it and I have linked information which I think is insightful however one friend is saying there is noting about accountability or responsibility mentioned and refused to finish reading the rest. As for responsibility I am taking meds, going to regular therapy in addition to starting DBT - I am not going to be cured over night and I dislike most of my friendships are hanging by strings and they are giving up on me.

Here is what I linked my friends
http://www.my-borderline-personality...-those-of.html

1. It's good you're taking responsibility with dbt etc.
2. It's best to keep your friends on a need to know basis. In most cases they don't need to know. There is stigma attached to mental illness, and probably moreso to pd.
3. I suspect what your friend may be referring to about accountability is bpd is not an excuse for your actions. It's great that your taking dbt, however if you screw up and do something bpd related you're going to be held accountable for your actions. They are not excused because you have bpd or are taking classes.

I would tell them the article doesn't contain anything about responsibility because thats agiven - its obvious that you would want to take responsibility for your health and do everything you can to try and improve your condition. You will never be fully 'cured' - your condition may improve over time but if you've done something specific to offend your friends then you would be held accountable regardless of whether you had BPD or not. I agree with cbox in keeping them on a strictly need to know basis, i wouldn't want people accidentally/intentionally spreading the news of my disorder - it can perpetuate ignorance/stigma. I hope your friends can be supportive, if not then maybe its time to look elsewhere? All the best.

I agree with Cbox...don't say anything unless you have to. BPD had great stigma behind it and a lot of people look at it as a good excuse for poor behavior. The important thing is that you are attempting to own it and take responsibility for it and that will make a difference in the end.

One other thing....BPD people feel alone in their emotions, that no one understands, and many of us are driven to share with our friends and others because of that. We just want to connect with others, feel less alone, but it too often backfires. It's not 100% wrong to tell, but be careful. You could easily find out that people who you thought were your friends don't act quite the same way towards you when they find out your issues. It's hateful...I hate it more than I can say, but it is the way life is. The important thing, again, is that you know (many, many people don't), and that you can start working on it for yourself.

before my girlfriend what diagnosed I felt the same way away bpd, that she was just being unresponsible and honestly kinda of a jerk. one thing that really helped me unsterstand that this wasn't the case with her was doing research, talking to professional therapist that have training in bpd, and talking to people on here that suffer from bpd. I also have been reading stop walking on eggshells which has helped be to understand the disorder better, and what people with bpd are going through.

Thanks for the replies. I certainly do not run around saying hey I am borderline I know like someone mentioned there is stigma behind mental health and even more with BPD I am finding out. The people I do tell are in my immediate circle. So they can have better understanding of what I go through and what I may put them through. It's not an excuse and I am working hard to figure this all out through DBT. I feel pressured like I have to be better soon and realistically recover doesnt happen like that. It is going to take time. Talking about BPD with people they get frustrated and are in denial I have it. However they get my bipolar - take meds problem solved. Like comparing the two bipolar is a chemical imbalance where as I think borderline is a learned behavior. I could be wrong I dont know.

You are exactly right..bipolar IS a chemical imbalance that can almost always be treated with meds. It sometimes takes a while and trial and error to figure out which meds, but once that's figured out, you're good. Sometimes the depression or anxiety of BPD is treated with meds, but the underlying cause of those symptoms, the BPD, can't be. It's learned behavior. It takes a lifetime to learn it; it can't be unlearned over night. That is why BPD has such stigma and many look at it as being incurable. You can't put a "med" bandage on it and make it all better.

You are very patient and loving and understanding to do what you've done. Many people feel they know better and won't even try to get it.

Have them read "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" or "Stop Walking On Eggshells." Both are a great resource. Here are links to both:

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-E.../dp/1572246901

http://www.amazon.com/Hate-You--Dont...n%27t+leave+me

I hope these resources help you!

I can certainly relate to that...

Only last week, I decided to tell my brother, the first in the family to know, about my desire to seek a DX for BPD. His partner guides autistic kids and has a psych cert so I felt they were the ideal people to approach with this, as I also had to consider a cultural distaste in my community at large for mental illness, in addition to disdain in general...

I was treated by the two of them the exact same way Maranara describes -- dismissively and flippantly, as someone who wanted justification for bad behavior, rather than answers and guidance. It was humiliating, and I knew at that point it was going to be a trigger... after all, I'd hadn't meaningfully interacted with him for some time, and perhaps my BPD had assumed a rapport that hadn't existed in years. I left the building and went home before the anger and frustration began to build...

So it is prudent to keep things on a need-to-know basis. I feel if my circle doesn't have specific training on how to interact with you once they're aware of it... that it can lead to more interpersonal friction than acceptance. Keep it in a community who 1) has knowledge/training or 2) can guide you to knowledge/training.

Thankyou Anxiety for this thread , This is such a big question that many of us are looking for an answer to .

It is comforting to know that so many in our BPD community are so knowlegdeable about borderline issues. I really hope these replies have helped you with this concern (because they have me
Cheers

I honestly dont think anyone without BPD can 100% understand what it is like for us. Hopefully people who love us will take it on faith and trust that we are working as hard as we can doing what we know how to do. There are a lot of great books like "Loving Someone with BPD" that a spouse/parent/friend could read if they really want to understand. Good luck