do I have a right to be angry? Maybe a trigger, if you have parental issues?

So, quick background....my parents "disowned" me back when I was going through what I like to call, an "impulsive" phase. Since then, our relationship is much better.

The problem, is that my cousin, who is going to college, is living in their home right now. He is great, don't get me wrong. I love him to death. It's just I am friends with him on Facebook, and he is always updating his status with stuff that he did with them. Like movies, and shopping, and they are almost like being his parents. Which, he IS in a city about an hour away from his actual house, so it's not like he is very close to home. So, I understand them being nice.

BUT...They don't do these things with me! I feel like I am being replaced! Bad enough my biological mom kept my brother, but now my adoptive parents are enjoying my male cousin more than me!

I probably am being stupid. I have kids, he doesn't. So he's probably available more than I am . (although I am available every other day of the week, if that makes sense...since I have the kids only half of the week.)

What gives? Is he more fun cause he's living with them? My dad cooks with him, and stuff. Yes, he can help get on the roof and put up christmas lights, which I am not physically able to do, and yes he is an engineering student, like my dad is an engineer, but still.

I feel sad. And Stupid for feeling sad.

Whatever.

Hey Hun, I think it's okay to be jealous.

I not really sure what to say, I know I feel this way about my cousins. If they go to my nans.
Know one really bothers with her much they have there own lives.
And busy ones.
Me, my sister and my kids are her favourites and she never fails to tell us. I know she shouldn't but I love it.

But when my cousins go to see her I get jealous and think things like why they there? Etc.
Maybe jealousy of being replaced as favourite?
But the truth is I should think I'm glad the made the effort for a change and remember how happy my ban will be of the company and seeing them

((Hugs))

I don't have any solution for you. I wish I did. I have three siblings and was often treated the same way. I mentioned it to my mom once and she told me it was all my imagination so I attempted to just let it go and forget about it.....until my family including two of my siblings (my third lives too far away) planned a family Thanksgiving cruise and they didn't invite me. The only reason I found out about it is because my brother was having problems getting a passport and contacted me to help. How sweet is that!

I know you didn't need a rant on someone else's family issues. All I can say is you're not alone....

That's awful. And very mean, did they not give you a reason why?

Oh no worries, I look at it as commonalities and sharing of experiences! Man that is stinky that they did that to you. Maybe that's my issue is that I am an only child adoptively (if that makes sense) so now that there is a younger person in the house (who is the age of a younger sibling if I had ever had one living in the house with us)...maybe I am feeling the jealousy that would have been.

I appreciate the perspective! (and so sorry to hear about that cruise...) How mean.

Thanks! I didn't think to look at it from my parent's point of view. That they are happy to have a younger one in the home again, and that there is someone to fill the void that I left. My dad never did have a "dude" around the house. So, I guess I can let them enjoy the company a bit! (and try to ignore the jealousy!)

They said that I wouldn't have been able to afford it...but that wasn't true provided I'd had enough notice. I begged, and they took my daughter and paid for her.

Haven't seen any of my family in 8-9 months, and I moved across country without telling them. They'll make me feel guilty one day, but it's something I felt I had to do. Tired of being made to feel guilty for stuff I didn't do.

Ah I know exactly what you mean. I myself am adopted; although I do know my biological mother kept none of us but for a far more darker reason, which I won't go into just yet. But anyways, I sometimes have troubles with my adoptive parents as well like you. I have been threatened to be dis-owned before.

What I am trying to say is that they raised you. They can never replace you. You're their son. They picked you.

Well to be asked even if you couldn't afford it would have been nice ?

I have a loving family but I often wonder if my mum suffers BpD looking back.
She puts a lot of pressure on me sometimes and also takes a lot of my responsibilities.
I have looked into moving to America so many times.
But the facts and the truth are I can't afford it.
And it wouldn't be fair.
I often wonder if my moods would be more stable with out my parents.
But with out my parents I can't even check oil levels in my car any more. I would never have a break from the kids. And I don't even know how to by insurance any more.
So I guess I have to put up with my mum and dads criticism and be string as I can

Your parents are horrible

They do this kind of thing with me, except against my brother. Offer him everything and anything, give him money and expensive things and drives him everywhere, and then when I ask for £20 when I'm short on cash and need to buy food, which I would always pay back, they say no.
This actually just happened 5 minutes ago as I write this.

My PlayStation 3 keeps freezing/crashing, so I don't want to lose my game saves before my PlayStation 3 ends up crashing/freezing for good, and I'm short of like £20 for a new one, which I can repay back the money on the 20th December, and they can't even do that for me.

I'm feeling really triggered by them right now :'(

people can be very seemingly unfair quite often. "Why do you do t his for so and so and not for me?" I know.

Sounds like you're working thru this.

It can really hurt, I know.

Feeling dogged out like that.

The one thing that really got my attention was someone talking about their mother saying, "It was your imagination." These days, when someone tells me that, I say to them, "Perhaps it is. But this is how I feel when you do this or how I feel when someone does such and such. I feel hurt and dogged out. I need you (or them) to understand this and maybe take it into consideration." And also I have begun to tell them this: "Even if it is my imagination and you are not doing anything, I don't deserve to feel like a bad person or someone left out."

And they still don't always listen or understand.

Adult living is hard sometimes, it really is---to let go.

It can really feel like we're being slapped in the face.

I am glad you all are doing this thread; I really relate. I don't understand why ppl are the way they are sometimes. I think I spend so much time second guessing them and myself. I guess, what I am working on is at least not taking things so hard, as though I deserve them. People can be unmindful, self-absorbed, unaware, or selfish. Or just plain human. And like many of us pwbpd's, just don't even know how they might be coming off to us.

Just my humble thoughts; thanks,

Carol

and no matter what, we have a right to our feelings, too.