It is time....

Alright, to make a long story short, I went to a T today, talked about an hour in a loose question/answer session and allowed to add, stray whenever I felt the need to. The diagnosis: PTSD and BPD. The PTSD is a bit of a surprise but not. I knew my childhood and young adult issues lead to this; just never really looked at it as a separate issue. Hey, if you want to discect BPD, we have that, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, the list goes on.

It appears to be largely situational. If I live a boring life, am by myself, don't attempt to make friends, have a steady income with no major things to rock the boat, and stay healthy, I can cope on my own 90% of the time and no one is the wiser. When those things happen, particularly the relationship one, I fall apart and it takes me a loooong time before I get back to the "coping" part. I guess that's true for a lot of us, through, particularily those of us "older" folks who are past the hormone stage.

Haven't decided my next step yet. Lack of money is not going to let me see a T more than once a month or so right now. Looking for a DBT class or something related to meditation I can get involved in. I doubt I'm going to be able to get the support I need from home despite this, but I'm thinking of confiding in my mother-in-law. If anyone would get it at all, it would be her and I've seen a few traits here and there in her. She easily gets caught up in her own emotions and memories and it very quick to anger...she may get it at least some. Worth a try.

Thanks for your support. It's meant a lot. Now I just need to figure out what my next step is going to be.

That sounds like a good start

I am glad you went and got diagnosed.

I hope you find some help, even outside of therapy. I am still struggling with it on my own. I just hooked up with a pdoc (just for meds) and am not sure I like him yet, and tomorrow I am steeling myself to see him, too. Second appt.

You can still talk to us. Anytime. Don't run away. And I am dealing with that, too.

Carol

Look at it this way, we all know you are tough enough to survive on your own. We are too, but we want more for you than that, we want you to be as happy as you possibly can. If we can help...HURRAY!!! If a T can help with that...HURRAY!!! and if your family wants to help...HURRAY!!, but mostly I give you the biggest HURRAY of all for trying in the first place!

The book I am currently reading might be of interest, do you know of it?:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Buddha-Bor...dha+borderline

No, I haven't but it sounds interesting. DBT has helped but with minimal success. It requires more time and effort than I feel I can do at home. I'm sure it's largely my own paranoia but feel like it opens me to major hurtful criticism. I have had some success with meditation. It can easily be worked on with no one being the wiser and the breathing techniques have definitely helped thwart some of the anxiety. I'm thinking of trying yoga in addition to see how that helps. With current trends in that direction I can't be overly criticized. Let me know you''re opinion of the book. I do like to read of other treatment possibilities but I don't do it often because I overthink it like everything else.

Okay I will report back with a summary and opinion when I am done with the book. Thanks for your interest!

I have thought, also, of doing yoga. Many many places in San Diego (where I live) and I need to find something low cost. I do have fear, still, of being in a room with other ppl watching me and saying, "Carol, you're doing it wrong." lol

But I might try it.

I am sure there are ways to deal besides psychiatry.

Carol

Yoga and meditation kinda go together and the meditation has helped... I've allowed myself to slip tonight, however. No one's fault but mine. Life sucks sometimes.