[greyclouds]

I don't even know how to describe my personality any more!
I've been happy for the last few weeks. I knew it wouldn't be long before it hit like a ton of bricks.

Do we bring this on ourselves?
We want to be happy, but we never expect it to last so it doesn't!

I feel empty today. And my trusted friend is close in my thoughts.
I've spent most of the morning crying.
And for what real reason?
None that's what.

I'm making myself cry. Making crap up in my own head. The happy me seems to of gone on holiday. And left the horrible me behind.

I want my smile back AND I WANT IT NOW.

(((grey)))

Grey my mind is a little fuzzy this morning but please hang in there

Have you gotten in to meditation or DBT? I know it's hard, but the key is you stop thinking about all the crap in your past and stop worrying about the future and think about the here and now. Do something nice and distracting for yourself. Read a good book, play a video game, go on the games forum here and just play around, take a warm bath, eat some comfort food and don't just eat it but eat it slowly and enjoy every bite to the fullest.....

[greyclouds]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Have you gotten in to meditation or DBT? I know it's hard, but the key is you stop thinking about all the crap in your past and stop worrying about the future and think about the here and now. Do something nice and distracting for yourself. Read a good book, play a video game, go on the games forum here and just play around, take a warm bath, eat some comfort food and don't just eat it but eat it slowly and enjoy every bite to the fullest.....

No they wont start dbt until I finish skills for life.
I'm trying to distract myself and a few times I thought this mood had passed to day.
I know I need to stop worrying about the future. I so want to.
I don't really think about my past but I guess it just shows in my thoughts.

I know this feeling will pass. It's just getting there.
I would love to give mediation a go. But with 2 kids in tow it's really hard to find the peace. To relax and concentrate on it.
I also hate this. You give me great advice and I have excuses as to why I can't do it!
Why can't I just move. Find time. Make time?
I think maybe today is just an excuse day!! Anything to be sad, anything to be angry...
I've even been getting really angry thinking that this forum deleted my music thread that was relating to people's BPD and yet there is one about being angry!!

It's just stupid things. I hate feeling this way.

[avlady]

you said you were happy for awhile what made you happy?Try to remember the positive thoughts you were having, Everyone has bad days, yesterday I wass feeling like you are today, i don't have young kids anymore, I have a 22 year old son, that sometimes would be the only thing keeping me awake, so try to make it through the day and pamper yourself tonight with something you like, than you can look forward to doing whatever makes you happy like ice cream or something, a long bath or shower with bathing supplies, That's what I did this morning.Especially music can soothe your soul.Sleep with your radio on if you have to.avlady

[greyclouds]

Lots of things make me happy, and your right this is just a bad day.
It's been a busy week. My car went bust costing me a fortune my nans dog died. And the lost goes on.
I guess I've just reached the breaking point.
I'm going to take the advice of hot bath when kids gone to bed. Some soft music and maybe a glass of red.
Tomorrows another day right!

[NYCDoglvr]

The one thing I hang onto is everything changes. You may be happy for a while but that passes. So do the terrible feelings pass. It's part of the illness, it's not you doing anything to yourself. But we can make a difference by working hard in therapy ... And taking action is a big boost for self-esteem. Always measure yourself to yourself, it's the only relevant comparison.

Agree with NYC. The goal never is to think you can get rid of any negative moments or feelings. They always come and go. The goal is to minimize the effect of the negative effects so that our reactions are within reason

What I always hold onto is that although I know the darkness always returns at least momentarily, the only thing that can follow is the light. Good things always follow the bad even if it's not to a high point, at least it always brings us back to center. It's never static.

So as upset as I get, as seemingly unbridled as my anger and rage can be, my fears and anxieties, in the midst it's always in the back of my mind that "this too shall pass"... I believe that my worst moods are shortened by this.

Hope this helps!
~S4

[shezbut]

greyclouds

I like that mantra that S4 put out there..."This too shall pass". You could try repeating that in your head during the dark times.

[greyclouds]

I know. It will pass just like the self distraction passes.
It just sometimes we get lost in our feelings. To be honest there not the worse they have been.
I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with me today :/

Originally Posted by greyclouds

I know. It will pass just like the self distraction passes.
It just sometimes we get lost in our feelings. To be honest there not the worse they have been.
I'm sorry I don't know what's wrong with me today :/

Nothing wrong with you at all. it's just a mood

[greyclouds]

It's starting to shift... Slowly but it's shifting... It's come up to the I don't give s**t mood. Normally follows is happiness.