I think I just opened up a can of worms...

and I have no intentions of closing it. I'm Borderline, with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and a Major Depressive Disorder. Friday night I had reached my limit and drove myself to the hospital, in lieu of a suicide attempt I'd likely have failed. I wasn't admitted. Sunday, around two A.M. I went back and was admitted. I made new friends and developed a strong support group from the patients there. We've met up already and are planning things, more. Only in the crazy world that Scorpio lives in would this next part happen. I met a girl there and we bonded instantly. For six days we confided in one another, supported each other, and were generally just fantastic and understanding friends with the other. The romantic tension could have been cut with a knife. Nurses spoke to us, individually, discreetly, urging us not to pursue anything. Neither of us mentioned it until the day before we left. Hell, our new friends could all see it. We decided not to talk about it until we got out. I was out Friday, she got out Saturday. We spent both days together. Impulse control is not something either of us claim to have, but we've managed so far. The thing is, yes, I met her in the mental ward. She's MDD, GAD, BPD, PTSD, ADD, and high functioning OCD. I'm nineteen and she's twenty five. She's married - seperated and seeing a divorce lawyer - but, married. We decided we're "Friends, for right now, who are slowly and carefully working our way into something more. Who make out a lot and really want to **** each other." Her words, not mine. We had a long discussion on this and we understand the dangers and serious problems we're facing. Last night we accidently stepped on each other's triggers and had to spend two hours having a soft talk and consoling one another. So, we know what we're in for. We thought my posting this would give us some feedback and maybe get a Borderline perspective. We're aware it's insane and stupid and self-destructive.

Pretty much your last words I agree with. BPD response and I see it being very insane but who am I to judge. You'll figure it out and hopefully nobody will get hurt.

Keep in mind that many BPD's have a tendancy of falling madly in love at first site only to be triggered by them later and hate them. Part of that entire idolize/devaluate frame of mind and black and white thinking. I'm not necessarily against what you're doing and I hope it works out for you, but keep in mind that the love/passion you're feeling may be caused by circumstances and mindset. With that said, I wish you the very best in making it work out.

But, if you do decide to proceed with the relationship, maybe to have group counseling sessions throughout the relationship?

Maybe, during the friends phase that you've instituted, be very sure to watch out for each others feelings, and go very slowly? I wish you the very best with this; the importance of feeling good about something can't be overstated, just make sure it's something that keeps making you feel good (seconding Mara's reply).

Scorpio, I see no one else has said this so I will. congratulations on finding a friend at the very least that you can be with. I hope it is possible you can have more too.

With that said, I will say adamantly, if you want this to work out, I stand with itsjustme's thought. That is an extremely good idea. Since you both probably already know that you need counseling and have potentially problematic challenges with relationships, I think counseling together would be a really good idea! Give yourselves every chance for this to work.

Take it slow as you can. mara is right in that we can fall madly in love and that many times that fire turns into an ice storm that causes us to repel the new lover... since you're both bpd, you'll have to consider that from both sides. Please do not forget this. Take it slow, as impossible as that may sound.

You can do this. It is a can of worms but dude, just get the book "how to eat fried worms" and follow it's instructions and you'll be fine (jk)

Again grats on the new relationship. This can be a good thing.

*hugs*
~S4

I'll bring it up to her when I see her, but I agree; it sounds like a good idea. Dual therapy in addition to our own, personal therapy. Taking things "slow" is a bit foreign to me, but not completely alien. On my end, at the very least, I'm exerting as much self-control as I can muster. This is the best I've felt in a long time, I want to keep feeling this way, and I want things to work out. Not sure if it's dopamine or Prozac, but sometimes I just can't stop grinning like a twelve year old. We've discussed things and we understand. Understanding and being able to control something are different, though. The urges I get to just take things too far or that I sometimes simply don't know my own strength of personality make things complicated. But, I'm trying. Thank you for the input, everyone.

I agree with Maranara