[poptart316]

I've been incredibly depressed for a while, I don't feel like doing anything besides sleeping. I'm sad and angry allll the time. I'm can't get over my past/mom abandoning me/insane family and all the bad things that happened in my life, like I've been obsessing over it for weeks. I have no desire to do anything.. I'm not interested in anything. I want a job, I feel like having something to do everyday and moving out of this hell hole would help but I've had no luck finding one. I'm going to school but I'm kinda ****ing up with that and it seems so stupid to me, I'm not even sure if I want to graphic design. I have social anxiety.. I'm painfully shy, I'll hang out with a group of people and I'll completely withdraw and say absolutely nothing and weird everyone out.. like I went to a small party/gathering recently and everybody kept making a big deal about me being quiet and two people said I was creepy and I didn't what to do or say.. I never know wtf to say or how to say it and can't stop thinking of myself as a freak and I seriously hate people, I think they're all stupid and hate dealing with them but at the same all I want is to be able to connect with them, to be able to have simple conversation but dealing with people does nothing for me besides make me feel extremely uncomfortable and irritated. I feel like I don't have very many friends and what friends I do have are just people that I vent to on fb. I'm so lonely and my emotions are so intense.. I've started to the sexually impulsive thing again.. I just want an escape/a cathartic release/and to feel beautiful and human if only for a moment. I just can't function and seriously hate myself... like I'm sick of this, my life is ALWAYS different degree's of awful and I feel things will never get better and I'll never experience any joy.

[Mara Mountain]

Hi Poptart. I'm sorry that you are not feeling well. I can relate to many of your sad feelings also. However we have many people here on PC who will be able to relate to us. When you feel the loneliness and anxiety come up, do exactly what you did and reach out to someone here. I definitely understand the feeling of loneliness and shyness. I get anxious in social situations as well but what I learned is that I am more confident in social situations where I feel there is a common interest. For example if you like cooking and you take a cooking class, it may be more comforting to talk to someone in that enviornment because you automatically know there's at least one thing in common-cooking.

You say that you're not interested in anything, but follow with saying that you want a job. Focus your energies on that. If you're not sure what that would be start with something part-time like a receptionist or library book sorter. If there's one area that you feel you might have a slight interest in go for it.

remember that death is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem. You are TOO SPECIAL to not be here. WE NEED YOU! Your stories can help so many others and once you find what you are passionate about, the depressed feeling will start to subside. I'm not sure if you are seeing a therapist but seeing one along with proper meds (if needed) will get you on the right path to a positive outlook too. Remember your PC friends in the times you think you are alone and it's "just not worth it". YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

[poptart316]

thank you

[Captainkeefy]

Hi,

I wanted to post something encouraging for you before but the words wouldn't come to me and I didn't want to post something that would hurt your feeling or invalidate them. I feel very much like you do now at times. I found when I was younger that I felt really shy most of the time, but over time I've pushed myself out of my shell. Don't get me wrong sometimes I live right in my shell, find it hard to engage in conversation or make eye contact but it has been getting easier over time. Please keep posting, it really helps!

[avlady]

Poptart316Welcome!!!!!!!!!you are a good person and definatly someone who others would like to know. you probably don't see it in yourself, because you're so shy, but as you get older this should go away. You say you want to connect with people, I remember in myself in my teenage years I was so lonely and shy and found it hard to make friends. Then when I got in college everything was different. There were groups of people to sit with, people welcoming me and wanting me to be a part of themselves, as they were new too. Joy can be found in helping someone out with something, church groups, and maybe if you do get out to get a job that would do to as you wouldn't have to spend time at home too. My family was so cruel, i have 11 brothers and sisters, and they all turned on me as i was the 2nd eldest and they were rebelling against authority, i had to go through mother nature in that way too. Please tell yourself you are worth it you sound like a person I would like to know!!!!

I have social anxiety, too. I wish I knew what to say but I feel the same way you do, so here.