[hezaa82]

Hi I'm Heather. I live in Japan because I have abandonment issues and I like to reject people when I feel rejected, so I rejected everyone and moved to Japan 8 years ago. But Japan's pretty cool.

I've had issues all my life. I started therapy 4 years ago and learned that I wasn't just born defective - I had childhood trauma, abandonment issues, codependency. But no one ever really gave me a name for what I had until last night when my new therapist told me I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I knew of it and I knew it went hand in hand with codependency, but the word "disorder" seems so strong and it was kind of a shock to have a disorder attached to my name :x

Maybe it'll be a good thing... maybe I'll be able to separate myself from the behavior more, and be nicer to myself by saying the disorder is bad not me.

My new therapist seems to be a good match for me. It sucks that I wasted 4 years and lots of yen on my first therapist. She was helpful in the beginning when I was first learning about what goes on in my head, but she was kind of weak and shy herself and couldn't handle me. She was too abstract and wouldn't give me the more concrete solutions I was asking for. No wonder I often felt mad after a session. My new therapist is very no-nonsense, very firm with me, gives me concrete examples of what I should be saying and thinking and doing instead, but is also kind and consoling and understanding.

But I'm having a rough time at life right now (wait when have I not?) The people in my life I've either relied on and tested so much that they're disgusted with me and have distanced themselves from me, or they are people who I felt hurt by and so I gave up and distanced myself from them. It's so hard to have people be mad at me and telling me I'm doing things wrong. It's hard to understand why people are harsh on me when I'm sad rather than being consoling...

I'm starting to become open to the idea that what I'm doing isn't working ... but it's not a nice feeling.

I'm facing a lot of pain the in the next few months...the friend who I've worked with 3 days a week for the last year is being assigned to a new school from April and the separation is going to drive me crazy for sure

It's going to be hard dealing with these life changes and my new diagnosis...

[Captainkeefy]

I'd just like to point out that the word disorder sounds so strong, especially when it's attached to something like our personality. After all that's who we are. But the way I'd like to think of a disorder such as a personality disorder is this. We all have personality modes, different ones that help us deal with the world and control our moods and emotions. They are supposed to all be assembled in order but when we have a deep problem such as the one you mentioned, which I have too. An abandonment issue will cause a part of our personality to become disordered from the others. This has a strong influence on our behaviour. Remember it this personality mode that's disordered, not you. With some good coping skills learned from a Therapist you will over come this!

[acrosstheborderline]

Originally Posted by hezaa82

Hi I'm Heather. I live in Japan because I have abandonment issues and I like to reject people when I feel rejected, so I rejected everyone and moved to Japan 8 years ago. But Japan's pretty cool.

I've had issues all my life. I started therapy 4 years ago and learned that I wasn't just born defective - I had childhood trauma, abandonment issues, codependency. But no one ever really gave me a name for what I had until last night when my new therapist told me I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I knew of it and I knew it went hand in hand with codependency, but the word "disorder" seems so strong and it was kind of a shock to have a disorder attached to my name :x

Maybe it'll be a good thing... maybe I'll be able to separate myself from the behavior more, and be nicer to myself by saying the disorder is bad not me.

My new therapist seems to be a good match for me. It sucks that I wasted 4 years and lots of yen on my first therapist. She was helpful in the beginning when I was first learning about what goes on in my head, but she was kind of weak and shy herself and couldn't handle me. She was too abstract and wouldn't give me the more concrete solutions I was asking for. No wonder I often felt mad after a session. My new therapist is very no-nonsense, very firm with me, gives me concrete examples of what I should be saying and thinking and doing instead, but is also kind and consoling and understanding.

But I'm having a rough time at life right now (wait when have I not?) The people in my life I've either relied on and tested so much that they're disgusted with me and have distanced themselves from me, or they are people who I felt hurt by and so I gave up and distanced myself from them. It's so hard to have people be mad at me and telling me I'm doing things wrong. It's hard to understand why people are harsh on me when I'm sad rather than being consoling...

I'm starting to become open to the idea that what I'm doing isn't working ... but it's not a nice feeling.

I'm facing a lot of pain the in the next few months...the friend who I've worked with 3 days a week for the last year is being assigned to a new school from April and the separation is going to drive me crazy for sure

It's going to be hard dealing with these life changes and my new diagnosis...

It's so important in getting the right therapist that is suited to you . Please don't take it that your character is flawed in anyway, personality disorder is a mental disorder . It can get better with the right treatment . We cant control how people react to how emotions , and its hard for them to understand you as you understand them. I would try and explain to them how what their coming across is making
you depressed and try and explain why . I hope that helps . As for the separated close friend have you a photo of the person you can carry around with you , in your pocket or handbag of the two of you together ? take care and hang in there

[MissLadyRed]

Hi Heather. Welcome to Psych Central. i am 30 and just got diagnosed with BPD recently well so I understand how you feel right now, both shocked and somewhat relieved. I can relate to the issues with people and friendships and having such co-dependency problems. I feel my friends just keep dropping off and it makes me feel so lonely and abandoned and rejection is something i battle every day.
I'm sure you'll find much comfort and support here as I already have. This place makes me feel so much less alone and understood. Feel free to reach out whenever you need. Sending hugs your way.

[MissLadyRed]

By the way, sorry I thought you were a newby, but realised you've been a member for a while. Ignore my previous 'welcoming' post.

[beautifulfreak]

Hi again, I did post you a reply but I have no idea where ended up? Still new to all of this posting etc. I was diagnosed in 2010. Must try and find where my reply went because I just wanted to share the shift in the label of BPD here in Ireland and elsewhere to Emotional Vulnerability (disorder ). I think it is more gentle and more accurate because we are certainly on an emotional rollercoaster.

Must try find that reply and I will have a look for my DBT notes and see if there anything there from when first diagnosis.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Hello and welcome. I am glad you got a good therapist and posted here on this board.

I too have bpd.

I esp like h ow you shared about bpd being bad and not you. I had to tell myself that too.

thanks,

Carol

[TheRealFDeal]

Welcome to the BPD forum. You have found a place with a lot of understanding of where you're coming from. I also like your idea that BPD is bad, not you. I personally like that there's a name for what's bothering me. Unfortunately, I also use the diagnosis to beat myself up, but it's validating to know that there's a reason for my negative thoughts, overwhelming feelings and behavior. Now if I could just get some motivation to do the work necessary to get better.