[greentires4me]

does anyone ever wonder without BPD...which has ruined parts of ones lives where would we be?

[poptart316]

I'd be more successful with school/a career? I'd have more friends/better social life?
Ugh I constantly get mad at myself for not having these things.

I don't. I never ponder those things. The thing is I could think about where I would be or what I would be but there's no way to know what the outcome of something like that.

[Ultra Darkness]

I've never thought about it either. My focus is usually on what has happened and what will happen. My concerns don't stretch to alternate timelines.
Besides, who says we'd be better off? We could wind up with schizophrenia or something instead.

I still wouldn't be anywhere.

Originally Posted by Ultra Darkness

I've never thought about it either. My focus is usually on what has happened and what will happen. My concerns don't stretch to alternate timelines.
Besides, who says we'd be better off? We could wind up with schizophrenia or something instead.

Or with alien infested minds ... oh wait... o.O

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Or with alien infested minds ... oh wait... o.O

Hey, guys, want to have some fun?

Run for your life.

[BeautifullyDeprived]

I try not to think about this because of numerous reasons, one being that it makes me EXTREMELY emotional to think about where I would be.

i might have ended up with a degree in something i'd never use anyway...so it ends up about the same.

[greentires4me]

I always thought I still be working at my job and not having all the issues I am having now...

Like it or not, I've got BPD and it's affected me as long as I live. Without it, my life might be better or worse but it doesn't really matter because it's who I am. Without it, both the good and the bad things. I wouldn't be me.

I've thought about this many times. I probably would have graduated from medical school and been who knows where by now since my goal from junior high school was to be a physician. My major in college was initially biology, and my plan was to go to med school from there. I switched majors I don't know how many times because I couldn't stand the pressure and my depression and constant breakdowns got in the way of studying and a serious, rigorous schedule. I even switched back to biomedical sciences a few years ago, giving it one last shot. I switched to nursing after I couldn't handle my biology major (not that nursing school is easy at all), then I quit nursing school with two semesters left before graduation. Now I'm on the waiting list for nursing school again and, honestly, I don't want to go back, but I can't stand to think of myself in my current job forever, and I can't stand the thought of not finishing my degree though I don't know if I can actually finish nursing school for sure this time.

So yeah. I'm pretty sure that, at least education-wise, I have an idea of where I'd be without BPD, and it's far ahead of where I am now.

It's nice for people to say that BPD makes them who they are and that it does no good to wonder, but I'm not there yet. I had so many plans for myself before this thing officially took hold in my late teens/early 20's. I have too many regrets I'm not reconciled with yet. Call me angry... you'd be right. I hate this f---ing disorder.

Originally Posted by misskeena

I've thought about this many times. I probably would have graduated from medical school and been who knows where by now since my goal from junior high school was to be a physician. My major in college was initially biology, and my plan was to go to med school from there. I switched majors I don't know how many times because I couldn't stand the pressure and my depression and constant breakdowns got in the way of studying and a serious, rigorous schedule. I even switched back to biomedical sciences a few years ago, giving it one last shot. I switched to nursing after I couldn't handle my biology major (not that nursing school is easy at all), then I quit nursing school with two semesters left before graduation. Now I'm on the waiting list for nursing school again and, honestly, I don't want to go back, but I can't stand to think of myself in my current job forever, and I can't stand the thought of not finishing my degree though I don't know if I can actually finish nursing school for sure this time.

So yeah. I'm pretty sure that, at least education-wise, I have an idea of where I'd be without BPD, and it's far ahead of where I am now.

It's nice for people to say that BPD makes them who they are and that it does no good to wonder, but I'm not there yet. I had so many plans for myself before this thing officially took hold in my late teens/early 20's. I have too many regrets I'm not reconciled with yet. Call me angry... you'd be right. I hate this f---ing disorder.

I cannot say that because I do not remember a time without it. My mom had it before me and I had traits as long as I can remember. I do not ever remember having goals that my current behavior and attitude were not a factor. It's gotten better some days and worse on others but it's always been there.

[poptart316]

Originally Posted by misskeena

I've thought about this many times. I probably would have graduated from medical school and been who knows where by now since my goal from junior high school was to be a physician. My major in college was initially biology, and my plan was to go to med school from there. I switched majors I don't know how many times because I couldn't stand the pressure and my depression and constant breakdowns got in the way of studying and a serious, rigorous schedule. I even switched back to biomedical sciences a few years ago, giving it one last shot. I switched to nursing after I couldn't handle my biology major (not that nursing school is easy at all), then I quit nursing school with two semesters left before graduation. Now I'm on the waiting list for nursing school again and, honestly, I don't want to go back, but I can't stand to think of myself in my current job forever, and I can't stand the thought of not finishing my degree though I don't know if I can actually finish nursing school for sure this time.

So yeah. I'm pretty sure that, at least education-wise, I have an idea of where I'd be without BPD, and it's far ahead of where I am now.

It's nice for people to say that BPD makes them who they are and that it does no good to wonder, but I'm not there yet. I had so many plans for myself before this thing officially took hold in my late teens/early 20's. I have too many regrets I'm not reconciled with yet. Call me angry... you'd be right. I hate this f---ing disorder.

I'm glad someone can relate! I'm all over the place when it comes to school! I'm working on my associates currently so I don't have nearly as many options at this point but keep jumping back and fourth between photography and graphic design- I've kind of told myself to just stick with graphic design no matter what, I also have a job counselor through Mi works rehabilitation program and it's my goal to get the graphic design degree and feel kind of stuck with it.. although I don't know anything about it, am terrible reluctant to take classes for it, and feel that I may lack the passion for it to complete the degree let alone succeed in the field... I'm currently hell bent on doing something with music and it'll be my focus for the summer, I'm not trying to make money with it I just want to do it. I'm definitely not looking forward to university... it's currently a toss up between filmmaking, communications, anthropology, and graphic design.. I've also contemplated biology and neuroscience but those are probably out of my league.

How long have you been in school and how do you do in your classes?

I'm finding it very difficult.. I've "managed" for about a year but am only clinging onto one class this semester. I tend to get into funks and will miss classes, get overwhelmed and wind up dropping at least one class each semester.

Originally Posted by Maranara

I cannot say that because I do not remember a time without it. My mom had it before me and I had traits as long as I can remember. I do not ever remember having goals that my current behavior and attitude were not a factor. It's gotten better some days and worse on others but it's always been there.

I hope you don't think I was aiming my vitriol at you. There are just pockets of anger in my brain. *sigh* I need to smooth them over.

I don't like to look too far back anymore, but when I do, I notice that there were traits going on pretty far back. I think they started definitively in junior high. I think what I'm realizing in elementary school was more on the scale of depression and not so much BPD quite yet. I was definitely quite a depressed 9 year old though.

Just because of how I grew up I had to have plans for myself. I was fairly organized and then, once I hit a certain bump in the road, it's like my cart overturned and everything went to s---. That was right around the age of 23. I haven't recovered it to this day.

Originally Posted by poptart316

How long have you been in school and how do you do in your classes?

Oh man. Ha. Long enough to have been in med school and done with my residency.

I'm not kidding.

I've been in school on and off since I was 19. I'm 35. I have two "accidental" associates degrees because I've taken so many credits towards so many different majors. I think I've officially had four majors: Biology, music, nursing, and biomedical sciences. Don't ask about the music major; I think that was impulsivity at it's finest. I played violin since I was 9 and decided I wanted to teach all of a sudden so I majored in violin and minored in cello for a year and a half because my brain had had enough of biology and I was failing anyway.

I do very well in my classes when I'm stable. I had a 3.8 GPA in the beginning of my biology and biomedical sciences majors. Then I start getting frazzled, I get overwhelmed, I procrastinate, work piles up, I get all BPD about things and I freak out and blow off one test and there goes my GPA. I can go from all A's to failing pretty quickly. I'm either working my butt off or I'm not trying at all. There is no middle ground. I'm not a C student. I either ace the class or fail spectacularly.