[MDDBPDPTSD]

and makes my life worse! What should I do? How can I overcome this? It is a repeating cycle. My intense feelings of hatred toward myself and my life keep my head in a spin, which makes it hard to think and concentrate on anything, which makes it hard to accomplish anything. The lack of accomplishment just "proves" that my initial assessment of myself was correct and that I am detestable and worthless.

I just cry or feel like a loser who is useful only to take up space. I feel as if I am nothing but a consumer and the kindest thing I could do for those around me is to not exist. Feeling this horrid makes it difficult to focus on any goals I may have. Even I do manage to remember my goals, actually applying myself to do them is impossible.

Not being able to do anything reinforces the feelings that all I do is take up space and use valuable resources that could be better spent on others who are more worthwhile.

How can I stop this cycle? Does DBT have an answer? If not, what techniques have you used to turn this self-loathing and self-defeating behavior around? I really need some help here.

[poptart316]

I understand how you feel completely! This is me to a tee. I often sit around and get really sad and sometimes enraged at how much I hate myself and my life. Unfortunately I'm not very proactive and how I cope with it is to simply distract myself with other things such as hanging out with my boyfriend or one of my two friends and going to the bar. I don't get much joy out of doing anything. I guess we could both set small- easily accomplish-able goals that we could complete everyday such as reading up on a subject or exercising everyday and do things that get excite you. I'll be learning guitar starting July and I have a long term goal of getting a degree but it seems too far away to feel like I'm accomplishing anything, I'm slowly completing classes and that's it.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Originally Posted by poptart316

I understand how you feel completely! This is me to a tee. I often sit around and get really sad and sometimes enraged at how much I hate myself and my life. Unfortunately I'm not very proactive and how I cope with it is to simply distract myself with other things such as hanging out with my boyfriend or one of my two friends and going to the bar. I don't get much joy out of doing anything. I guess we could both set small- easily accomplish-able goals that we could complete everyday such as reading up on a subject or exercising everyday and do things that get excite you. I'll be learning guitar starting July and I have a long term goal of getting a degree but it seems too far away to feel like I'm accomplishing anything, I'm slowly completing classes and that's it.

One of my goals is to complete my degree to. But I do need to tackle MUCH smaller things first, like washing the dishes. SIGH. Life is so hard with this disease. I am so tired.

But I have to keep going, so I must find a way to do so with less pain and more functionality. Setting smaller goals seems like it might work, a least some of the time, which si better than where I am now.

I really want to get my apartment in order, so that the space around me is neat and orderly. I think that will help with decrease my confusion and eliminating the chaos around me will decrease the chaos within me, at least in theory.

I want to be a better parent too.

[brokenwings79]

I have learned in therapy that I must take things slowly. I have a terrible time keeping up with housework because when I see the entire mess it overwhelms me. I came up with a schedule of cleaning one room a day....just focusing on that one room is easy and does not become too much to handle. I am still trying to complete my RN degree. I started core classes in 2007 and here I am today still trying to finish them. I seem to intentionally miss deadlines to apply because the fear of actually going to nursing school paralyzes me!! This is a tough way to live....only another with borderline could understand how hard just one day in our shoes is.

[shezbut]

The best technique I've found, so far, is DBT.

DBT has taught me to really appreciate the little things in life ~ like flowers, leaves, etc. By focusing on those things, I can appreciate a lot more out of life than I did before. I can take myself out of intense moments and visualize myself in nature. Nature really helps me!

For the time being, I've sort of "accepted" my self-hate. It feels like that hatred has eased a bit since I accepted it. But, maybe that's just my current mood talking. Who knows?? I have determined that all of my current problems in life stem from my self-hate and self-blame for my crummy childhood. Those things made me who I am.

The sooner I allow myself to let go of the unnecessary self-blame, the better. I just don't know HOW to let go of it. That's the hard part. Allowing yourself to let go. I can distract myself, to get through life. But that isn't fixing the problem so far.

I feel like I just talked in a circle. I hope that I helped you a bit!