[Rzay4]

I'm sleepy but happy. I had a good session with T today. Looking forward to next Friday :-)

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Feeling a bit of nothingness today. I'm bored but not bored enough to try to do something about it and not bad enough that it's making me panicky and weird. I want someone to want to hang out with me I think. I feel I'll get worse tonight though. Feeling the urge to drink or take large quantities of valium or endone so I feel nothing.

[beloiseau]

Had a major meltdown over the last 24 hours...finally just got stuck into some cleaning, which calmed me down. I'm feeling like all my friends and family are just sick of dealing with me. I need to find a job. I have to find a cheaper apartment. I have to stop impulsive stuff, like eating too much and spending money.

[Britneigh]

Feeling good. Feeling strong. Off to ride my horse because she is amazing and I love her.

[Maranara]

Loneliness has hit pretty strong, and the trapped feeling is returning. I wish it would go away for good. It is so dangerous for me.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Loneliness has hit pretty strong, and the trapped feeling is returning. I wish it would go away for good. It is so dangerous for me.

That sucks =(
Try to remember that you're not alone, you have us and probably a lot of others that love you!
Hope the horrible trapped feeling goes away soon, it's horrific. Stay strong.

Trigger*****warning******

Doing horrible.
He triggers me so severely and I'm stupid for letting him. Mind games twisting things. Denying things that were said. It feels like I'm going to explode.
Why does he get to me do much?! Why do his words affect me so much? ! I know this do why do I listen and read the text? ! Why? !
He blames me for everything. I make him be this way with me.
He took the puppy. It was the one thing that made me smile for the last month.
Took my keys. Laptop. Threatening to sell it. thousands of pics. I feel sick. Its not right. Why does this happen?!
I'm not coping I'm doing bad. Broken glass. Cuts. Dazed anxious feeling like I just want to...
It's so hard. I try. I keep letting this happen. Why am I do stupid?!

All these thoughts are screaming at me right now.

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[Angel of Bedlam]

Someone shoot me and put me out of my misery already.

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[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

Someone shoot me and put me out of my misery already.

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No! We like you too much! I hope things get better

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[youwillrise]

yesterday started out pretty good, but by the end...it sucked. i just woke up and kinda want to go back to sleep. hopefully things will be better today. too many things triggering me these days.

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Loneliness has hit pretty strong, and the trapped feeling is returning. I wish it would go away for good. It is so dangerous for me.

Hi,
I understand the trapped feeling, but don't really understand it. Can you go out for a walk or call a friend? I see you wrote this post last night. I hope today is looking better for you. Can you call your T when you you are feeling trapped? Later, "help............"

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

Someone shoot me and put me out of my misery already.

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Hi,
What's it like out in Lincoln, NE? Peace, 'help..........'

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by tohelpafriend

Hi,
What's it like out in Lincoln, NE? Peace, 'help..........'

I'm not sure. Im full or sorrow and pain. I just want to die. I am dissociating as much as possible because I'd rather be numb than be in my body.

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[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I'm not sure. Im full or sorrow and pain. I just want to die. I am dissociating as much as possible because I'd rather be numb than be in my body.

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If you are a Christian, I would encourage you to pray, but be assured I'm not dispensing advice. Pain and sorrow are not of God. Jesus bore our sorrows and pains at the cross (Isaiah 53). If you could relocate to the social group for support for Christian women, there are those who can support you there. If you have used drugs, it's oppression on the soul.
Please try to get better! Peace, "help...."

[beloiseau]

Trying not to have a meltdown again...I've frittered away my whole day because I can't deal with inactivity. Just struggling. I've mostly resisted some impulses, yay for that. I should make a plan for tomorrow, but this is one of those times where planning makes me more anxious.

[technigal]

Tomorrow my son sees his new therapist. He will only have the one appointment before he starts his social skills group. I really hope his T can help, he is punching himself in the head more then he used to. His T runs the social skills group so that will help her learn more about my son. Glad that my husband will be at the appointment as my memory is still not the greatest. DS also sees his new pdoc at the beginning of February.

[Britneigh]

I just want to die I hate this stupid life. I hate living with BPD. I just want it all to go away forever. Nobody lets me die but it's all I want

[beloiseau]

Been up since 430AM...just didn't feel like going back to sleep but I'm going to regret it later. Off to DBT group, then maybe picking up job applications from various stores if I can get myself motivated to do it...Quit my job yesterday, so the stress is even more intensified now. Can I give a shoutout to Obamacare, as I will most likely be enrolling?

Feeling a mix of things this morning, and although I'm alright, I'm rather feeling pretty vulnerable and unsure. Not going into it and I know things will be ok, just kind of faltering in my mind about it.

[Maranara]

Today is my third day working. Had a lot happen the last few days and I'm starting to think too much and rollercoaster a little bit. I just wish I had the money and the time to work on my business, but I have to also support my family in the meantime. I'll live I'm sure, but I'll be very glad when I no longer feel so stuck.

[technigal]

Robbie's appointment was cancelled for today but he starts group on February 4th. It is 1.5 hours every other week with both of us involved in the group. I am still waiting to hear when I start DBT.

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by technigal

Robbie's appointment was cancelled for today but he starts group on February 4th. It is 1.5 hours every other week with both of us involved in the group. I am still waiting to hear when I start DBT.

You go girl!!!! You rock!!! Keep fighting every day hun...hugs for you!!!

Terrible therapy session today, Ever had a session when you feel very vulnerable?

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by Mittens.

Terrible therapy session today, Ever had a session when you feel very vulnerable?

Sorry hun...hugs for you
I have been there too... when I could barely make it out the door...or just couldn't pull myself back together. Sometime a day or two to recuperate helps too.. Hope you will have a nice afternoon and evening now. Take care.

Getting tired of the unknown...i want to know what this therapeutic community is like so i can forge ahead. If it isn't right i don't know how willing i'll be to find something else...i'm unsure of the whole thing altogether.