[Longing2Exhale]

Feeling ok so far, maybe even pretty good. I woke up early, so that's awesome. i'll either get to leave work early or stay and get a little overtime.

slept pretty well. better than normal actually.

tried going to the chat rooms last night on my phone, that didn't quite work out, but i am able to see and use the forum pretty easily. Was proud of myself for going to bed instead of getting my laptop back out when chat didn't pan out.

yea it being Friday, positive an h3lla happy vibes to everyoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

[beloiseau]

either feeling really dysregulated today or really zoned out. i keep going from one to the other within an hour. exhausted.

[youwillrise]

today was supposed to be our first day back to work (well, for our staff breakfast and gift exchange), but with the snow, it was decided we's postpone it. we are back to work with children on monday. it's been a pretty bitter winter break. it usually is. i miss work. i feel useless and lonely without it.

im trying not to text him anymore. ive probably texted him about 20-something times since i last saw him (december 21), but hr hasnt replied to any of them...which is what usually happens. we talk tons before getting together, but after we actually get together, its a long time before he says a word to me. as if i dont exist. i dont know why i have this odd attachment to him...well, maybr i do? fear. yeah...fear. i want to let him go so that i can open myself up to other people, but a larger part of me doesnt believe there is anyone out there who would ever or could ever care about me. im 30 and have never had a proper relationship. obviously the problem is me.

i woke up at 830am to use the bathroom. usually cant get back to sleep when i get up. tried to rest around 12ish...and i rested a bit (for about 45 mins) with my eyes closed, but was never fully asleep. kept waking myself up. meh

[Maranara]

I'm trying to do the last few things I need to have done to officially give a shot at my business and my frustration level as well as nervousness over the entire thing has peaked. Time to take a break.

[Longing2Exhale]

Originally Posted by youwillrise

today was supposed to be our first day back to work (well, for our staff breakfast and gift exchange), but with the snow, it was decided we's postpone it. we are back to work with children on monday. it's been a pretty bitter winter break. it usually is. i miss work. i feel useless and lonely without it.

im trying not to text him anymore. ive probably texted him about 20-something times since i last saw him (december 21), but hr hasnt replied to any of them...which is what usually happens. we talk tons before getting together, but after we actually get together, its a long time before he says a word to me. as if i dont exist. i dont know why i have this odd attachment to him...well, maybr i do? fear. yeah...fear. i want to let him go so that i can open myself up to other people, but a larger part of me doesnt believe there is anyone out there who would ever or could ever care about me. im 30 and have never had a proper relationship. obviously the problem is me.

i woke up at 830am to use the bathroom. usually cant get back to sleep when i get up. tried to rest around 12ish...and i rested a bit (for about 45 mins) with my eyes closed, but was never fully asleep. kept waking myself up. meh

i don't think the problem is you at all. i think we align ourself with broken people, and then blame ourselves when our pieces and their pieces don't make a whole. I relate so much to what your feeling experiencing. I'm 30 and have had one relationship...i don't know if it was proper, in fact i know it wasn't, but it looked fine from the outside. Let me know if you ever want to vent. hugssssssss

[Longing2Exhale]

[quote=Maranara;3501537]I'm trying to do the last few things I need to have done to officially give a shot at my business and my frustration level as well as nervousness over the entire thing has peaked. Time to take a break.[/quote

] Go enjoy your break

[BarelyMakingIt]

I am having a better day today, I'm actually feeling very energized and have things I want to accomplish today. Mixed in with finishing up season 8 of Dexter lol. I'm not having as many self doubting thoughts today and I also tried meditating for the first time today, i was an amazing feeling. This has been the most hopeful I have felt about overcoming BPD since I found that I had it about a month ago.

[beloiseau]

Feel like I'm on the edge of losing it, but I don't know why. I'm stressed about finding a new job, I have until the end of the month before my leave at my current job expires. I need to find a cheaper apartment but my parents won't help me until I figure out my job situation.

Going out to lunch with a friend and then some shopping so maybe I'll feel less isolated.

[youwillrise]

what is this life?
im losing touch.
i want to run away
but everywhere i turn,
there i am.
in the way.

[Britneigh]

I was doing really well and now I have reached my I don't give a ****. They tell me to use my coping techniques. They never said to use healthy ones. So imma SI, Im gonna go screw a million guys, im gonna take whatever pills I want. Bring on the booze! I'm drinking beer and dont even like beer. Maybe I'll live through this crash. Not sure what I'm hoping for. I just feel awful and want to throw everything away.

[allme]

All gooood

[beloiseau]

Feeling hopeless, like all the work I'm doing is not worth anything and isn't working. I can't continue to work on myself because I need to get my finances etc in order. I can't do both. Made some bad decisions yesterday.

I feel like I'm not even alive. There is nothing inside of me today. I want to curl up and hide from the world. Why isn't this ever possible?

[youwillrise]

extremely tired today. went to sleep around 4am...woke up about 12pm...but my body is just still not READY. right about now, if i were getting paid for yawning, i'd be pretty rich right now.

[HealingNSuffering]

The opposite of coping. Doing everything I know is wrong. Because the dark side has taken over.

[Longing2Exhale]

Originally Posted by HealingNSuffering

The opposite of coping. Doing everything I know is wrong. Because the dark side has taken over.

there's no "hug"button when I use my cell...sending you big warm comforting hugs

Sent from my VS920 4G using Tapatalk

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I'm being a needy pathetic ******, I want someone to talk to, I want someone to be interested in BPD and to want to know about it so they can support me better. I want one of my f**king parents to message me back.
I have no money because I haven't been working for a week, I'm stressing about that, and then I'm stressing about the horrible idea of having to go back to work soon.
I don't feel like this is ever going to really improve. I wish I had a proper T I could talk to about this stuff..or a friend. F**k I hate being this openly pathetic.

[River11]

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

I'm being a needy pathetic ******, I want someone to talk to, I want someone to be interested in BPD and to want to know about it so they can support me better. I want one of my f**king parents to message me back.

Feelin' ya, Bubbles ... and feeling for you.
It's NOT pathetic to be needy! Especially when you can recognise that you just need more support than you're getting.
I hope that you do find that support from somewhere soon ... ...and I know it sounds corny...but make sure you're lovingly accepting yourself as well!

[youwillrise]

today has been mostly...MOSTLY okay

but now i'm in sad/jealous mode because i'm an ugly blah and i'm looking at pics of beautiful women (not celebs, regular...everyday women). i have pretty much EVERYTHING stacked against me. no amazing intelligence, no artistic talent, not really super good at anything useful, not cute...what the fuuuuuuuuuush? i've no useful qualities.

yeah, i'm "nice" and "sweet"...but where does that mess get you? no...dang...where.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

I'm getting worse as the day goes on.
I'm sick of needing support and no one helping me unless I beg for it. I feel like I'm making everyone's life more difficult.

I don't know what to do any more. I'm so f**king exhausted.

[crabbypatty]

feeling very anxious today. Back to work after the holidays.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Well my night got super terrible and I had a little trip to the hospital, they made me feel worse, I left and now I'm back at home and I think the worst of it is over. Starting to already feel the regret and embarrassment of my actions.
Some mental health person is supposed to be calling me in a couple days to check up on me. Guess I'll try to look forward to that..

[Britneigh]

Alive. Not sure if thats a possitive thing. I guess it depends on who you ask. It's not like anyone would miss me. Half the time I don't even exist or matter so why would it matter if i'disappeared'

[Longing2Exhale]

crazy funky. Like i'm spinning a bunch of plates. Doesn't feel bad though, so that's a change. Hugssssssssssss

[Longing2Exhale]

spoke too soon, i'm fading fast