glad christmas is over!!

Wasnt a good one for me this year
Faked my way through it tho and the kids enjoyed themselves and were very happy with all their gifts.

I wonder if they know I fake it?

My bf has been such a jerk. Not that thats anything new its just noticeably exasperated
I broke up with him almost everyday this week. Freaking ridiculous. I wish he would just go.

My heart aches. Im sad. I cant stay focused on anything. Supposed to sign up for classes!! Damn it.

Its not too late!

Kids home after a few days with dad.
Planning on doing SOMETHING with them. Movies, dinner, what else? idk

I hate leaving the house. I hate people.

Fake it till you feel it?

slather on the make-up. Hair dye. Tada.

Presentable..eh..

[technigal]

Anxiety attack at church today. Had to leave early. Think I am noticing a pattern, if I am home for several days and then around a lot of people it is too overwhelming.

[Espresso]

There was a huge fight this afternoon. I'm the one with BPD so it must be my fault (I'm being semi-sarcastic). Today has not been a good day at all.

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by technigal

Anxiety attack at church today. Had to leave early. Think I am noticing a pattern, if I am home for several days and then around a lot of people it is too overwhelming.

Yes, I agree. Take the time to go out everyday, even if you don't feel up to it and have to really push yourself. That's my big, big issue....I've been reclusive for over a year. I can go out but I get overwhelmed very fast, and LOL, I intend to go out of my comfort zone and attempt to start a business in January. It's going to be interesting, but I have to try.

[shezbut]

I am feeling crummy and irritable today. I can tell that I'm irritable because every sound I hear bugs the hell out of me. Like people yelling in the parking lot, loud talking in the apartment hallway really got me going, etc. {I don't know why, but my sense of sound always intensifies when I'm sick. Does this happen with everyone else??} As it is, I'm normally hyper-sensitive to sound anyway. But, my head is killing me!

[facingdemons]

I'm angry. My boyfriend has been helping his brother all afternoon in exchange for his help towing MY old car so he can work on it. Thing is, I've just been irritated all afternoon... even though my boyfriend is working to help ME and all I have to do is sit and wait. Then, they decided to just go pick the car up without me, and it's at my ex-husband's house. I was livid when he called and said they'd just decided to go do it. It really isn't a big deal, my ex is out of town and no one is at the house. I didn't even really want to go in the first place. But it's just that they changed the plan without me. I feel like they abandoned me at home on purpose.

GAH! I hate it when I know that I'm over-reacting, but I still do it!!!!

Just as I am accepting the loss of one friend, another one falls off the face of the Earth. and this time it isn't even my fault. ...at least I don't think it is anyway.
FML.

[shortandcute]

extremly depressed
angry oat God
frustrated
getting fat
in pain
stressed (1-10: I'd say 12)
anxiety level is extemely high
in less than five months i will have no income at all; cant find a job but cant get disability because:
I go to AA meetings (too social)
I have religious beliefs (which must mean I spend all my time at church which is also too social)
I go shopping sometimes (not because I need to but because "shopping" is really a code word for staying out all nite partying)
I was attending group therapy under doctors orders, which I guess is a big no-no if youre on disability

[Aventurine]

I have cried on and off for two days straight for no reason other than I feel depressed and alone, woke up this morning feeling fine, nothing changed.. just woke up... Go figure?!?

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Aventurine

I have cried on and off for two days straight for no reason other than I feel depressed and alone, woke up this morning feeling fine, nothing changed.. just woke up... Go figure?!?

I do that.

More depressed today than usual. Hard to function.

[youwillrise]

today (well now, i should say yesterday) was inbetween. had its good moments and moments where i felt really down. full on cried once...and nearly cried a little while ago, but it didnt break through.

one moment at a time.

Looks like it's time to say goodbye to sleep again. It hasn't really wanted to know me for the last few nights *yawn*

[Jordy]

Struggling at work today... Just locked myself into the bathroom to ground myself...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Maranara]

Third or fourth insomia night in a row. I can't stop thinking and I'm wound up so tight. Can't do many more.

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Still can't sleep. Don't want to work tomorrow, it's giving me crazy anxiety.
****ing SI, ****.
Wish someone I know would check up on me and see how I'm doing, maybe realise I'm not okay and help me.
I just wanna get fired and sleep and drink all day and maybe I'd be less stressed.

[rabbit13]

Originally Posted by youwillrise

getting nervous about break. i am an early childhood teacher and our school is on a college campus, so when the college is on vacation, we're on vacation. i have a hard time with too much down time. i start getting depressed because i feel useless. my job is my comfort, my safe haven...i dont know what to do with myself most other times

I've been off work,due to my illness,for the last 13 years.I have managed doing other things,like learning other languages,and meeting new people.

You will have to retire eventually.It would be a good idea to plan ahead.

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup

Still can't sleep. Don't want to work tomorrow, it's giving me crazy anxiety.
****ing SI, ****.
Wish someone I know would check up on me and see how I'm doing, maybe realise I'm not okay and help me.
I just wanna get fired and sleep and drink all day and maybe I'd be less stressed.

Hey hun,
check back in with us and keep us posted. We care about you here.
Hugs for you today....

[beloiseau]

Really having a hard time after talking with the t today... I got a call from one of the jobs i applied for but didn't pick up. I think that job would be too much stress. I'm supposed to be figuring out who i am and trying to do hobbies and fun things and all i can worry about is finding a job im going to end up hating and spending all my time thinking about.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lynn808]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

Really having a hard time after talking with the t today... I got a call from one of the jobs i applied for but didn't pick up. I think that job would be too much stress. I'm supposed to be figuring out who i am and trying to do hobbies and fun things and all i can worry about is finding a job im going to end up hating and spending all my time thinking about.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So sorry hun that you are dealing with all this at once....Maybe if you focus on the fact that this job is definitely not for you--too much stress--it will help. There will another job offer to come through for you. The new year can bring lots of exciting changes, and I hope you experience some of these as positive. Please don't let it get the best of you...remember there is a best of you!!! Sending you positive waves today!!!! take care hun.

[youwillrise]

been considering therapy again...but another part of me is asking "what's the point?" ...i also just cant afford the co-pays at this point. blarrrgh.

Working on saving the money to retain a lawyer for my divorce. sick of the crap after the way I've done nothing but help her... and take care of the kids... NO more. Done with this.

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by lynn808

So sorry hun that you are dealing with all this at once....Maybe if you focus on the fact that this job is definitely not for you--too much stress--it will help. There will another job offer to come through for you. The new year can bring lots of exciting changes, and I hope you experience some of these as positive. Please don't let it get the best of you...remember there is a best of you!!! Sending you positive waves today!!!! take care hun.

Thank you Hearing that helped a lot

[Bubbles&Buttercup]

Didn't go to work yet again. Messaged my mum this morning hoping she'd want to hang out and maybe she'd want to know more about BPD so she'd understand me better, she invited me over to have lunch with my step sister and her. Every time I want to see her there is someone else around, why the **** don't people want to make the time for you and understand your illness better? I would if I was close to someone who was messed up!

[HealingNSuffering]

Horrible day.