[learningtolive2013]

I don't know if i'm alone in feeling this way and i'll try to be as descriptive as I can to help understand, but I wanted to see if anyone else felt this way and if it could be the BPD or something else going on.

I'll wake up in the morning and feel this fog encapsulate me, it sucks the life and energy out of me, I try and break through it by eating a good breakfast, thinking positive thoughts, taking my vitamins, exercising and socializing but despite my best efforts it hovers around me and keeps me from enjoying those things that i'm doing. It's an overall gloom.

And then on very few occasions "i'd say if i'm lucky once every couple of weeks" for just one day, I'll wake up and I don't feel that "fog", and I do the same things that I do with the fog but I feel better doing them and more optimistic.

To me it feels like it's a physiological symptom because I don't do anything to create it or to make it go away, I either wake up with it or I don't. I want to find out what it is that creates me waking up and not feeling that fog because I want to learn how to re-create it so that I can experience it more often.

To me it's so unusual but if I had to explain where it comes from or the experience I have with it then I have to say that something physical or chemical is going on inside that I have no control over.

I've taken anti-depressants and they didn't effect this "fog" in any way.

Has anyone else felt this?

[allme]

Yes I totally understand what you mean I have been waking up with that very fog the past few days.

[technigal]

The fog has engulfed me for a very long time so I get what you are saying. Actually, the fog is not as thick as it has been. I think my new medication cocktail is starting to work.

[wiltedxdaisy]

I experience this too. It almost sometimes makes me afraid to go to sleep, because I don't know how I'll feel in the morning. Can be feeling great one day, then the next just can't shake this.. as you described it "fog" off of me. I'm glad that you are trying to do things to help start your day out right! I would say continue what you are doing as far as that, and maybe try to keep a log of how you feel each day, like if you feel foggy or good or a mix, etc. Just to see if maybe there is a pattern that you're not seeing?

I have two sensations that I get when my depression and/or BPD are kicking my butt.

I refer to one as "my darkness". Because it is an all encompassing darkness that takes control of my outlook (these are very bad/dangerous days). And the other is being in "a fog" - yes I have used this exact same word with my shrinks.

So, yes I totally get what you are saying.

[perniciousfirefly]

know how ya feel but dont know what to say. i dunno if it psychological or physiological but my cipralex when i wake up with fog reduces it within 1 hr of taken it.

keep ya fog lights on darl, there can always be a clear road again

[learningtolive2013]

Thank you for all of the support and understanding. I can't tell you how great it feels to be able to have someone to talk to that understands how I feel. Most people I try and explain how I feel always give me the generic (you just need some rest) umm NO I've been "resting" for years.. I don't need "rest", I need to feel alive and feel like I have some amount of optimism about my day or my life. Otherwise i'm just walking around in a daze, going through the motions of living a life.

I guess maybe it is the "depression" but i'm not sure what meds might help with that? what is the cipralex? is that an anti-depressant? I've been on Celexa, Trazadone and wellbutrin in the past. They worked for awhile but then lost their effectiveness.

[doglover1979]

The fog is exactly as I would describe it. It's probably kind of silly of me, but in the book Girl Interrupted the author describes it as viscosity. I think that is also a good description.

Its frustrating, because sometimes like today I feel normal. Other days, like yesterday, I can't get off the couch. There isn't always a major trigger or anything. Its just how it is. I'm not sure meds can fix it.

The bad days my boyfriend describes as me being gone. Just spacing, not really interested or capable of real conversation. Just dead weight.

Then my normal days I still can''t even pull it together to achieve more than a few basic chores and a shower.

Sometimes I miss hypomania. Even though it leads to bad thinking, at least I can sort things out and get stuff done. In a way it gave me some relief from this way of life.

[learningtolive2013]

doglover - That is EXACTLY the fog i'm talking about...
And the word Viscosity = the state of being thick, sticky, and semifluid in consistency, due to internal friction I think is a great way to describe it and I love the definition even more haha.. I might use it more often..

I agree about the hypomania, I cling to the hope of having a day that I am just busting full of energy because it's the very few days that I actual accomplish things, otherwise it takes everything I have in me to muster up the energy just to take a shower or make a pot of coffee.