[Rise]

I've wanted to do meditation for a long time but never really felt like I am ready to go for it. Things had been getting really bad lately, I was starting to scare myself a little, so I decided that maybe it was the right time to give meditation a go. I was right!

First I found a relaxing ambient mix of raindrops and forest sounds and stuff, and played that while I slept. The next morning I put on a meditation/hypnosis from youtube. It put me into the most relaxed state and talked me through releasing all anxiety and bad feelings and it really worked. I could feel them dissolving and once they were gone it felt amazing.

It made me realise that for years I have been in a constant state of anxiety and self-conflict. I thought that the way I was feeling was just how life is and who I am - which just made things even worse. I didn't even know that it was possible, to be comfortable in my own mind. For the first time in as long as I can remember I didn't have those feelings anymore, and I was at peace.

Now that I know that place exists and what it feels like, I can immediately identify when the borderline thinking tries to come back (which it does, constantly). I just remind myself that it is OK to have those thoughts but that I don't need them, and allow them to disappear. There is no need to fight with them anymore. Already after a couple of days I think that it is getting easier and they are troubling me less often. Probably only every minute or so now instead of literally one after another. And sometimes I do find myself back in that state again without realising, but again, I just accept it and remind myself that that's OK, and go back to peace again.

I've come on here to share this with you in the hope that you can experience that feeling of peace as well, because now more than ever I realise how bad the never ending cycle and torment of borderline personality disorder is.

This is the video I used:

I just listened to less than an hour the first time, and it was incredible. I put it on again while I slept last night and today was a good day too.

Maybe it won't work for everyone, maybe you do have to be ready for it. But believe me, you are beautiful and there is hope.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by Rise

Now that I know that place exists and what it feels like, I can immediately identify when the borderline thinking tries to come back (which it does, constantly). I just remind myself that it is OK to have those thoughts but that I don't need them, and allow them to disappear. There is no need to fight with them anymore.

This is actually a progressive approach and It'd probably be referred to as 3rd wave psychology, which is a lot of what dbt is based off of.

The theory of a depressed person saying positive affirmations such as "I am likable / lovable" etc by themselves can be counterproductive because of the conflict between the affirmation said and the thoughts a person thinks about themselves can actually give the negative feelings power.

This new approach to psychology as you describe (also taught in dbt) of accepting the negative thought for just what it is, a thought, and picturing it floating away and acknowledging it rather than fighting it takes the power away from the negative thought.

I'm glad it's working for you.

[Rise]

That is very interesting. One thing that occurs to me though and it's completely hypothetical, but what if someone had negative thoughts telling them that it is not OK to release negative feelings, would they have to then fight with that thought and go into that same old cycle? That is the only thing I can think of, otherwise I think the whole concept works really well.

[hawaii04]

I have tried meditation and it does help. I find myself thinking 'if only I could go through life in this state of meditation.' My only problem is that I have a tough time getting to it, lacking self-discipline. Thanks for posting this ~ it serves as a needed reminder for me and I'm sure others who try it will feel it's beneficial also.

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by Rise

That is very interesting. One thing that occurs to me though and it's completely hypothetical, but what if someone had negative thoughts telling them that it is not OK to release negative feelings, would they have to then fight with that thought and go into that same old cycle? That is the only thing I can think of, otherwise I think the whole concept works really well.

No because it would still be just a thought. You acknowledge it and let it go.

[Aphrodites_Muse]

Originally Posted by Rise

I've wanted to do meditation for a long time but never really felt like I am ready to go for it. Things had been getting really bad lately, I was starting to scare myself a little, so I decided that maybe it was the right time to give meditation a go. I was right!

First I found a relaxing ambient mix of raindrops and forest sounds and stuff, and played that while I slept. The next morning I put on a meditation/hypnosis from youtube. It put me into the most relaxed state and talked me through releasing all anxiety and bad feelings and it really worked. I could feel them dissolving and once they were gone it felt amazing.

It made me realise that for years I have been in a constant state of anxiety and self-conflict. I thought that the way I was feeling was just how life is and who I am - which just made things even worse. I didn't even know that it was possible, to be comfortable in my own mind. For the first time in as long as I can remember I didn't have those feelings anymore, and I was at peace.

Now that I know that place exists and what it feels like, I can immediately identify when the borderline thinking tries to come back (which it does, constantly). I just remind myself that it is OK to have those thoughts but that I don't need them, and allow them to disappear. There is no need to fight with them anymore. Already after a couple of days I think that it is getting easier and they are troubling me less often. Probably only every minute or so now instead of literally one after another. And sometimes I do find myself back in that state again without realising, but again, I just accept it and remind myself that that's OK, and go back to peace again.

I've come on here to share this with you in the hope that you can experience that feeling of peace as well, because now more than ever I realise how bad the never ending cycle and torment of borderline personality disorder is.

This is the video I used:

I just listened to less than an hour the first time, and it was incredible. I put it on again while I slept last night and today was a good day too.

Maybe it won't work for everyone, maybe you do have to be ready for it. But believe me, you are beautiful and there is hope.

This is such a wonderful share. So many times on here I read about the torment and anguish that I know too well...and then a treasure such as this appears. Meditation can be a VERY helpful tool in managing BPD symptoms. I'm so glad to see this positive input that could be potentially helpful to so many.

[Maranara]

Meditation is one of the only things that I have found that makes a real difference. Far too many do not give it a fair chance. It isn't easy, it isn't a cure, and it requires a bit of work, but it is far worth it.

Other sources are:
www.dbtselfhelp.com...go to Instant Mindfulness
audiodharma.com Lots of short meditations.

My old DBT T was really into that sort of thing. At the time I thought it was a load of crap, but now I would be totally interested in giving it a try. I seriously need a peaceful place.
People tell me (and have always told me) that the way I think/feel/act is negative and abnormal, so the BPD voice inside my head screams at me that I'm a negative, bad person all the time. but the DBT I did do has helped make that irrational mind a lot quieter. Not quiet enough though, which is why I'd be willing to try this.

[gayleggg]

I had a cardiologist tell me how great it was for the heart. He suggested it for all his heart patients.

[camouflage]

Hi there Rise: I wanted to second your post and thank you for sharing! I have recently had a similar experience. After many years of suffering from depression/anxiety, I began to explore meditation a few months ago.

I found it was one of the only things that relaxed me even a tiny bit. So I continued to explore it... I really started to hit the nail on the head when I read two books:

One is "The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Depression" by Strosahl and Robinson. It is based on Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy and Mindfulness therapy and has lots of great (and difficut) exercises.

The other (which I read afterwards, a good strategy) was "The Joy of Living" by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. He is a Buddhist monk but the book is not really about religion, it is about science and meditation (see my caveat about religion below).

In meditating a little bit each day, I also realized that for so many years I had been avoiding the top question "What does my life mean?" and avoiding painful conflicts in my life - and this was just spiraling out of control.

I am also recognizing my negative thoughts when they come in, and I am also finding your strategy helpful too - just letting them be there and realizing that they do disappear after a few moments. They come back of course, but they are just thoughts! After reading these books, I realized that my mind wasn't going to just be quiet, I had to do some accepting that these thoughts and feelings are there. Ironically, that acceptance is what is helping them to go away (or at least they are having less power over me).

I can hardly believe how much this is helping me -- AND my family and community, all of whom have noticed a change for the better. I am still taking medicine but for the first time in my life I have felt that this change in my thinking pattern could actually be MORE effective than meds.

For anyone else interested, I want to emphasize that (despite my initial wariness) from what I have experienced so far, it seems to me that meditative techniques can work for all religions and ways of life. Whether one is Christian, Muslim, atheist, Jewish, etc. It's not religion-based and it's not just for the leisure classes with too much time on their hands. : )

One big misconception I had beforehand was that meditation involved just thinking positive thoughts or avoiding thinking about negative things. When I realized that it is the opposite - NOT trying to suppress thoughts or feelings - I found that immensely helpful and liberating.

You also don't have to just sit around in a lotus position or join a yoga club - in fact, I spend one or two minutes (or even less than one minute) meditating while walking, driving, before sleeping, while doing dishes. I know I "don't have time or money" to sit for hours (of course that is just one of those negative thoughts too, that I don't have time to care for myself). Also, sitting meditation is really challenging for me, it is hard to sit still! But it's not strictly necessary to sit and meditate - it can be helpful no matter when you do it. I find that just having the intention to relax my mind in tiny little bursts, even if I don't have time for more, is helpful.

I still suffer from daily depressive/anxious thoughts and feelings : ) And there are many challenges in my life ahead --

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

My old DBT T was really into that sort of thing. At the time I thought it was a load of crap, but now I would be totally interested in giving it a try. I seriously need a peaceful place.
People tell me (and have always told me) that the way I think/feel/act is negative and abnormal, so the BPD voice inside my head screams at me that I'm a negative, bad person all the time. but the DBT I did do has helped make that irrational mind a lot quieter. Not quiet enough though, which is why I'd be willing to try this.

I think it's totally worth it. Just don't expect a miracle overnight. Your brain is NOT going to instantly shut up the instant you start, and it may never shut up, but you may be able to quiet the yelling to a whisper.

Originally Posted by Maranara

I think it's totally worth it. Just don't expect a miracle overnight. Your brain is NOT going to instantly shut up the instant you start, and it may never shut up, but you may be able to quiet the yelling to a whisper.

Thank you. I don't expect miricals the way my family members did when I was in DBT. I know that at least for me, making the irrational mind quieter is something I can potentially do, the DBT I did complete has greatly helped me to quiet it. Even just to maintain keeping it not quite so overwhelming would be awesome.

[Maranara]

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

Thank you. I don't expect miricals the way my family members did when I was in DBT. I know that at least for me, making the irrational mind quieter is something I can potentially do, the DBT I did complete has greatly helped me to quiet it. Even just to maintain keeping it not quite so overwhelming would be awesome.

The hardest thing for me to do was to stay committed to it. Determine to yourself that you're going to attempt it once or twice a day. Start off at only two or three minutes a time and build from there. One thing I noticed time and again is that it genuinely helped after a time, and as we do, I'd begin thinking the worst was over the worst and I'd be okay so I'd stop, and before you know it, all the thoughts and feelings would come back and since I hadn't been practicing it was like starting from square one all over again. Stick with it religiously and it WILL help. The last few months have been some of the worst in my life and meditation made it tolerable. I can't imagine going through what I have without it.

If you'd like additional resources, PM me and I can pass a few more along.

Originally Posted by Maranara

The hardest thing for me to do was to stay committed to it. Determine to yourself that you're going to attempt it once or twice a day. Start off at only two or three minutes a time and build from there. One thing I noticed time and again is that it genuinely helped after a time, and as we do, I'd begin thinking the worst was over the worst and I'd be okay so I'd stop, and before you know it, all the thoughts and feelings would come back and since I hadn't been practicing it was like starting from square one all over again. Stick with it religiously and it WILL help. The last few months have been some of the worst in my life and meditation made it tolerable. I can't imagine going through what I have without it.

If you'd like additional resources, PM me and I can pass a few more along.

Really appreciate the info regarding this subject. I'm willing to try and do anything to make things better than they are, because being sober simply isn't enough to control things in my head.
I'm unhappy now at nearly 23, but I hope for that to not be the case by my 30's or 40's.