Judgements or perceptions?

I'm wondering if anyone here feels like others are always judging you? I feel these overwhelming thoughts alot. Am I just perceiveing it or is it really true? I'm constantly thinking about how others see me. I wish I didn't but I always do. Sometimes it's hard to focus on anything else. I think am I talking too much or not enuf? Can they see I'm not comfortable in social situations? I feel like others know I'm mentally ill. Like it's written on my forehead. I know I am not my illness. I get that part. I have to work really hard at being normal. Or what I think is normal. My perceptions are way off. I know in rambling but can anyone relate to what I'm saying?

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Hi Littlemiss I'm guessing you mean something along the lines of:

If one was to just read the title of your thread on the forums, "Judgements or perceptions?", depending on how secure you were in yourself, it could be read as a personal attack based on the posts of the member on the forum? Like a hyper awareness to negative feedback?

These are usually all feedback coming from yourself, but you might not know why yet or a darkness you do not wish to embrace, which is important in helping you resolve it. When we decide to find who we are, the "self", we get to choose from everything we have learnt and experienced, and decide what we would like to keep and what others taught us but wasn't really us.

When you finally act only as our "self", you will realize there is an immense joy in just being you and every action flowing from it is an expression of you, permanent self validation feedback.

If in doubt, why not just ask, instead of wrestling with yourself, which may be in a very negative place and amplify the negativity?

The more comfortable you become with yourself, the less judgement even exists. All human life is equally valuable and you are living according to what you are and want to be.If anyone else thinks they are in some way better than you and able to judge you, they have yet to find them self. How can an apple judge an orange for not being a perfect banana, like the apple is.The orange is just being an orange, so who cares about being a banana.Just be. Just be you- sweet , bright and healthy.

I always feel like people are watching me and thinking that I am doing something wrong. It can be quite debilitating. Hugs

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sending hugs..

Thank you all for writing back. I totally don't feel like anyone here is judging me. It's when I go out into the world. It's at times debilitating. Painting w/t sound you had alot of great things to point out. Luckily I don't feel like it everytime I come across people. It's so nice to post here and express the deepest parts of myself. I was actually referring to an obvious judgment from my is insurance agent. I had to answer questions to get life insurance and I had to answer about my illness. It asked I'd in under a Dr care for anything and I said yes I'm on ssd for mental health reasons. Maybe I didn't have to answer it quite that openly but I was trying to be honest. Then I asked about a job opening they have there and the guy totally ignored my question. He just went on about the questions for the insurance. Insinuating that they don't want my kind of people working there. Now I want to take my biz elsewhere cause I felt extremly judged. Once again running away. Don't know if I should stand up for myself or ignore it and move on?

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I'm sorry you feel that way. You aren't alone! I feel it too. I wonder how we can not feel this way? Try and realize that you are safe. You rock yr own show! If you know deep down that you are doing things right and to the best of yr ability it may help. When I'm at work I just check in with myself to make sure I'm doing thing right. If someone wants to judge how in doing then that's their problem. I hope I've helped. I do know that those feelings can come out of nowhere too. Be easy on yrself hunny. We are here for you. Hugs

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Thanks fuzzybear. I appreciate yr Hugs! Hope yr having a great day

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I often feel judged by those around me, most often strangers. I try not to let it get to me but it does. So hard to deal with.

I try not to let it bother me and just remember that there are alot of people with similar problems so me being like this is somewhat normal. Im sure many people know someone or have a family member who has a mental illness of some kind. I feel the same way as you. Like people know. I don't act "normal." But just act like yourself. Have you ever used xanax or something to calm you down so your thoughts are racing and being paranoid all the time? Xanax helps me. I especially feel akward when I smoke pot so I dont do it anymore. I cant smoke for other reasons too like my job. Things will get better. Are you in counseling? Try talking to someone about how you feel.

Thx for the encouraging words. Ya I do use xanex when I'm really overwhelmed. It seems to help alot. I'm in counseling and it helps with these issues a little. But I figure I'm just left with some of these feelings anyways. I'll try hard to work at them. She and I have a good relationship so that helps. We did have a confrontation about my ability to work. I'm on ssd and they are reevaluating my disability. I know I'm Ok with that and my therapist agrees that I can only work part time. But she says she can't state that in the paperwork. All she can state is that i have trouble working much. I felt unsupported but that's my bpd talking. It's always there in the background. Sigh. Is anyone here on disability benefits too?

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All the time! My perception is internalization and I take everything to heart and feel like everyone is judging and most of the time, though I do, it's hard to take a step a back and think.

And though most people think that all the time I'm misunderstanding, sometimes I just KNOW.

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im not but i know someone who gets disability for bipolar and bpd.

Littlemiss,
Yes I used to feel that way a lot. In the way I understand it, what happens in these situations is that negative experiences based on past relationships (with uninterested or abusive people from the past) are projected into new people in the present. In other words, even though there is no objective reason to expect people to be rejecting, I would still expect them to judge me, because that was all I had known with my parents and with peers in my past. I had no past experience that would serve as a basis or expectation for people in the present treating me well.

This can get better; it's useful to become aware that what you are experiencing is not 100% "real" - in the sense that usually people are not truly judging you in the way you think they are - that it's coming from your mind as a projection, based on a memory of an unsatisfactory relationship in the past. In psychotherapy, this would be called transference; in everyday life it is a projection.

There is also projective identification; that used to happen to me when I would act awkward or talk to people in ways that made them dislike me. In other words, I made them act in ways that confirmed how I expected/feared them to be. Projective identification involves manipulating someone in the present to act how you expect them to based on the past.

If you can work on understanding these projective processes (which everyone does to a degree) in therapy it can make a big difference. Instead of expecting that people you reject you, you can begin to hope and expect that hey will be accepting and non-judgmental. Because that is how most people are in reality. One of the problems, as long as one is borderline, is that one doesn't fully know that reality emotionally. But it can definitely change.

Bpdtransformation,
What you shared made alot of sense to me. I come from a very emotionally abusive home. Luckily I've set firm boundaries with my parents who abused me. I find it so enlightening that you talk of transference. I think I do that alot and I do projections all the time. It's so ingrained in me to assume others are judging me. I just try and fake it till I make it. I don't consciously try and manipulate others. But as you stated projective identification sounds familiar. I get better with age but with all the therapy I've had I've still got "leftovers" from the lack of love I received as a child. The abuse was daily and my brain easily goes into fight or flight responses alot. The danger is mostly imagined and dbt helped me with that too. Thank you for taking the time to write me. I'll keep up the good fight to live rather Than Just survive. ♡

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