[SecretAbyss]

Hello everyone... I've been diagnosed with (c)-PTSD, Borderline PD, Derealization Disorder, Anorexia, Major Depression...etc. I am very discouraged because I've had numerous doctors/psychiatrists turn me away, saying I am -and I quote one of them "too traumatized to help"- I suppose that statement summed it up for the others too I suppose. So I am here now, hoping at least to find people who understand....

I have extreme abandonment and rejection issues (obviously)- but sometimes lately I am having a particularly hard time distinguishing what is my mental illness(es) and what "normal" people would not put up with.

Me and my husband of almost 1 year are living with his parents, I've never had a really...family oriented life so it is massively stressful as stupid as that may sound. But lately it seems all he wants to do is have us sit in the living room with his parents, play board games with his parents or watch TV (which I loathe- TV gives me horrible flashbacks too often, so I read instead but...the 1 on 1 time with my husband is lacking and it is leaving me feeling dissociated and rejected).

I wouldn't mind this if it were every now and then and if we had our time, but since we got married our time has seemingly vanished. A part of me wants to run away because I am not happy and because I fear he will leave me first. Another part feels this is just what life is and I don't deserve anything more. And then a tiny part of me says even people without the disorders I have wouldn't enjoy this kind of "living"- ?

We came u p with a list of thing we can do together on our own... but anytime I mention it he says "later"- so I'm giving up mentioning it.

He recently took a job of 12+ a day that can last for weeks at a time -a job he promised, he swore he wouldn't ever take due to the hours and lack of time we would have. His mother pushed him into it, and I know that for a fact as she admitted it to me. He didn't want to go through another argument with her so he went along, and now here we are.

I am in England with him, I am from America, I have no one here... Life is becoming unbearable at times and I do get scared of myself sometimes.

I plan to go back home (America) next month but there is nothing but abuse waiting and an empty promise that my husband would be going with me (he isn't).

I guess I am posting this for 2 reasons.... 1) to vent and 2) to see if anyone else would feel as hurt as I do by the lies and by the lack of time.....

If you read this thank you, please don't be too harsh.... thank you....

[Verity81]

Yes I would feel the same about the lack of time. I think you need to sit down with him again organise a regular date nights. Go out somewhere so you are away from the in laws.

Make it the same day/s of the week at first so you get into a routine. It doesn't mean you can't change it and be flexible but it might help to establish a firm routine first to strengthen your relationship.

[SecretAbyss]

thank you so much for your reply it helps knowing someone else would feel the same way.... and, i think you are so right, i have sat down and talked to him and we came up with little ideas and such that we can do together... but the problem is his work is so unpredictable. out of no where they can call him and say they need him, then he is gone for 12+ hrs a day, for x amount of days.

i had begun managing to cope with it a bit... but then he came home today and said this weekend he will be going to manchester overnight, then heading straight to london to work overnight, again.

had i known he was going to take this job that he swore he wouldn't take due to the hours, i would have stayed in the US. i know no one here, and though his family is nice,... my mom needs me. i don't know if it's the BPD haunting me but i have the strongest urge just to run; leave before i am left or hurt...

sorry, i don't expect you to reply if you dont want to, i am just a bit distraught as i really don't know how i am going to handle this... i know i must seem like a horrible person, i don't mind him working but these hours are insane, and the unpredictability is terrifying...

thank you so much for reaching out to me... i needed that, i appreciate it so much. i hope you are well <3

[Fuzzybear]

I'd feel the same about the time issue - the lack of it. We're here for you

Welcome to PC. Plenty of people here understand and are happy to provide support.

[greentires4me]

maybe you should tell him that there is no one for you there and you feel like leaving. When if he is ready you'll be in the states waiting there for him.

maybe take advantage of the health care in england now that your married and live there.

your going to make the choice either to live or stay or go...

[Verity81]

I can completely understand the upset over his working hours. I think most wives even without BPD would find that difficult. Would he consider finding another job?

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[ginaaa22]

I would feel the same way. As hard as it is you need to be secure in knowing that if he left you then you would be ok. I am financially stable, have a job, and everything I would need if my fiance did leave me. So yes it would hurt emotionally if he left but I would still be able to keep going with somewhere to live and money. I'm not saying that if you can't do this then your worthless so dont think that. Me being able to ahve those things make it that much easier for me not to be worried about if he did leave because it only leads to worse things. Even though I hope and pray he wouldnt leave I still test him to see if he would leave. But time and time again he always stays by my side through all of our fights and me being crazy.

You have a right to be upset about your husband not spending time with you. Just try and talk to him and say you feel upset and see if he will listen. You have to learn to be flexible and go with the flow...my fiance can work on any day of the week and sometimes I dont even get to see him because of our work schedules. But we find time to see each other when he is off and im off or on the weekends. I am needy and I know that. I just try to occupy my time so I can get by knowing I cant see him. But it is very hard. I hope you can find a suitable solution for you and your husband.