[ChaoticMess19]

I lost my Mama Saturday morning. She is now with my Dad in heaven. My life with just never be the same. Our relationship was a difficult one at times. She no doubt is the reason I am so messed up mentally. In the end tho, it didn't matter. She is my mom and I miss her so much it hurts. The emotions are out of control. My sister, an addict, is reaking havoc for everyone. Nothing about it has been peaceful and it is hard to get closure right now. I have 3 daughters who are hurting too. I have to be strong for them. I just don't even have the desire to get out of bed.

[technigal]

I am sorry for your loss. I really do understand how you are feeling. My birth-mom died a year ago, the only memories I had of her were of abuse. I was pretty surprised when I broke down hearing that she had passed. Try and be kind to yourself and remember that you are grieving as well as others.

[live2ski66]

So sorry to hear about your mom. I'm proud of you for staying strong for your daughters. Hope you stay in touch with us and allow us to help you virtually

[gayleggg]

So sorry to hear about you losing your mom. It hurts; I know I've been there. Being strong for your daughters is admirable but you also must grieve yourself. They will learn to deal with grief by watching you. So if you stuff your feelings too much that's how they will handle grief when it comes up in their life later. Let them see you grieve and help talk them through it.

[mommymushbrain]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[littlemiss44]

I.am so sorry for yr loss hun. My mom who also is a big contributor as to why I'm messed up Has cancer. Even tho she hurts me so I am afraid to lose her. Whatever you do don't feel guilty for any bad memories you have of her hurting you. and let yr self go thru it. I.know if I lost my mom I would be devastated too. Yr daughters will heal with you. You can do this and you are strong. Take care of you. Hugs

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk

[ChaoticMess19]

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Her cancer was ugly and I'm so glad she no longer suffers. The selfish part of me wants her here. I struggled with saying so many things to her before she died. IN the end, it didn't matter. She gave me life. She was my mama. I loved her. She had her own issues. Although she was never treated, as an adult, researching myself, it was very obvious. Even in the end, her wishes were changed. She knew I wouldn't like it, but knew I would follow thru because she is my mom. It was her way of getting the last word. She was such a character. I will continue to lean on my girls and my husband. He has been really great. It means so much to read your sweet thoughts. They mean more to me than you all know.

Very sorry to hear of your loss. My God grant you and your family some peace and some comfort.

[Fuzzybear]

[ChaoticMess19]

I am fighting the urge to pick up the phone and call her. I get so angry. I was told today by my mom's sister that my very own sister, has been embezelling money to pay her monthly bills. This is not okay. My mother left everything in the house to me and my sister is robbing me blind. We went and had the locks changed to hopefully keep her out until I can come move my things. I really cannot believe this is all happening. My sister has no idea that I know. It's up to me to have her committed to get herself some help for her drug addiction. But I just lost my mom. And mentally, I am not okay. It's just so much on my plate that all I want to do is crawl into bed and hide. And yet I can't. My mama is gone and someone now has to go and get all the belongings out of the house that she and my dad shared for 48 years. And that somebody is me. I need courage and strength and guidance. I'm reminding myself to put one foot in front of the other. I appreciate all of your kind words. My heart just aches like never before.