[LemonZest35]

I just need someone to understand...

I try so hard to keep my emotions in check. I don't rage anymore the way I used to - at least not in public - so there's that.

But I'm disappointed to have discovered that even with the anger tucked away, my emotions seem to seep out anyway. Eventually, I can't contain them, and they appear not as anger but as over-the-top anxiety and obsession and worry and fear. I realize everyone feels these things... But I don't know many, if any, people in my life who feel these things as intensely as I do, for as long as I do, over things that in the grand scheme of life don't matter that much.

I think the intensity of my emotion scares others away. I probably come across as pretty crazy at times, so how can I blame them? I feel like a freak. I feel ashamed. But I've tried and tried and tried to change and this is as good as it gets, at least so far.

Sometimes I wish people could know how hard it is to tame these emotions and/or cope with them. My emotions feel like hurricanes.

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[Travelinglady]

Alas, these intense feelings go along with being borderline. Have you tried Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)? One part of it is emotion regulation.

[shezbut]

I can understand and relate to your fear and frustration with the intense emotions.

I'm (almost) always overwhelmed by my emotions. It is very difficult for most people to understand BPD, much less be receptive to listening to our gripes and offering a shoulder. Thank goodness we have this Forum!

Gentle hugs to you ~ take care!

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by LemonZest35

I just need someone to understand...

I try so hard to keep my emotions in check. I don't rage anymore the way I used to - at least not in public - so there's that.

But I'm disappointed to have discovered that even with the anger tucked away, my emotions seem to seep out anyway. Eventually, I can't contain them, and they appear not as anger but as over-the-top anxiety and obsession and worry and fear. I realize everyone feels these things... But I don't know many, if any, people in my life who feel these things as intensely as I do, for as long as I do, over things that in the grand scheme of life don't matter that much.

I think the intensity of my emotion scares others away. I probably come across as pretty crazy at times, so how can I blame them? I feel like a freak. I feel ashamed. But I've tried and tried and tried to change and this is as good as it gets, at least so far.

Sometimes I wish people could know how hard it is to tame these emotions and/or cope with them. My emotions feel like hurricanes.

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i know how you feel & i know for a fact i have scared some people away (oops, sorry about that!) it kinda just happens.

i don't mean it to, it just does!

i'm working on shutting mine down some, with mixed results of course

[winter4me]

"so far"----it sounds like you have come a long way-----& we all have a long journey, no matter how short the road...
(((hug)))----I scare people when I get hypomanic (& of course this upsets me because I am feeling GOOD right then...)
I have also had the experience of raging---when I was younger---once in a very great while it peeks around the corner----& then I know I am in the wrong place/with the wrong person/people. It is Very frustrating to lose control---and to see others upset---I know that, when young, I used to be unable to recall what triggered me--and therefore, I could not imagine it happening again ("Who was that person?")--made it a long hard time to change...

[Elektra_]

hi. for me the rage/irritability gets better taking AD. have u considered meds?

[ifst5]

As I always say to anyone quick to judge us - if you think it's bad from the outside, imagine BEING us.

They will never know what it is to live a life like ours. They have a choice in choosing to educate themselves if they desire further involvement - we have no choice in learning to behave differently. Yes it's hard on our loved ones.....but we end up carrying that guilt too. It's hardly fair is it?

But the point is you're trying. You're not a failure if you haven't succeeded - only if you don't try. So be proud, stay brave and keep going

[LemonZest35]

Thanks guys. I feel like I had this whole thing under control until this whole moving situation started. Since then I've been spiraling slowly downward.

I haven't tried DBT but apparently my new T (or person who I am going to try out in a few weeks) specializes in BPD, so maybe she can point me in the right direction.

As for meds, yup, I've been on antidepressants and they worked pretty well. But then I gained weight, the psychiatrist told me I was gaining weight and shamed me for it, and I stopped taking them (and stopped seeing her). Not that smart of me, but at the time I felt like I just couldn't deal with feeling bad about my body.

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[LemonZest35]

Thanks ifst5. That's very comforting.

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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by LemonZest35

Thanks guys. I feel like I had this whole thing under control until this whole moving situation started. Since then I've been spiraling slowly downward.

I haven't tried DBT but apparently my new T (or person who I am going to try out in a few weeks) specializes in BPD, so maybe she can point me in the right direction.

As for meds, yup, I've been on antidepressants and they worked pretty well. But then I gained weight, the psychiatrist told me I was gaining weight and shamed me for it, and I stopped taking them (and stopped seeing her). Not that smart of me, but at the time I felt like I just couldn't deal with feeling bad about my body.

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i hope you start feeling better soon, as always our moods swing back and forth like a pendulum hopefully yours will swing to the good side soon!