[isntlifewonderful]

So... I hate everyone. People suck. I love one person, way too much. I'm therefor easily jealous, constantly terrified of her getting sick of me or leaving me. She's amazing though... anyway, she hasn't written to me since friday. She's a heroin addict, who is trying to quit and she can't really talk to anyone during the first days of the abstinence, so I guess that could be it. But she never mentioned giving quitting a shot this weekend. She also suffers from PTSD and BPD and she's tried to commit suicide plenty of times... I'm so afraid she might have OD:d. I can't loose her. She's the one reason I haven't tried to commit suicide since last summer (well, I was close to hanging myself once but my mom, who I didn't realize was home came in and stopped me... but that's it. I was in some weird dissociative mood at the time and I didn't even know what I was doing).
How do you all keep yourselves from not getting this scared and worried?

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[Tristan H.]

There are times when it makes sense to worry. What is the exact reason you haven't talked to her since Friday? Does she live far away so it's not easy to visit? If there is another reason, you have to check on her if that is what you want to do, no matter how afraid you are of doing so.

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by Tristan H.

There are times when it makes sense to worry. What is the exact reason you haven't talked to her since Friday? Does she live far away so it's not easy to visit? If there is another reason, you have to check on her if that is what you want to do, no matter how afraid you are of doing so.

I've tried to text her but she wont reply... that's what kills me. I was afraid of doing so, as I texted her last on friday (I probably said something stupid... I always do), but I finally had the courage to ask her what was up and if I could do anything for her 8 hours ago. She hasn't replied and I'm ****ing scared.

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[Tristan H.]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

I've tried to text her but she wont reply... that's what kills me. I was afraid of doing so, as I texted her last on friday (I probably said something stupid... I always do), but I finally had the courage to ask her what was up and if I could do anything for her 8 hours ago. She hasn't replied and I'm ****ing scared.

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As I said, is she too far away for you to visit her conveniently? Actualising is one of the greatest remedies for your feelings, so if you're still worried and you do have a real way of dispelling that fear you should go for it!!! Are you afraid of what you might find out if you reach her? Are you hurt because you think she might be angry at you or indifferent to you since she hasn't replied?

[Perna]

It is only Sunday. Friday was only a day away. I would decide if I did not hear from her by Tuesday or Wednesday I would "worry" a bit more productively and do something about finding out what is up with her. See if she will contact you rather than you maybe bothering her to reassure yourself?

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

So... I hate everyone. People suck. I love one person, way too much. I'm therefor easily jealous, constantly terrified of her getting sick of me or leaving me. She's amazing though... anyway, she hasn't written to me since friday. She's a heroin addict, who is trying to quit and she can't really talk to anyone during the first days of the abstinence, so I guess that could be it. But she never mentioned giving quitting a shot this weekend. She also suffers from PTSD and BPD and she's tried to commit suicide plenty of times... I'm so afraid she might have OD:d. I can't loose her. She's the one reason I haven't tried to commit suicide since last summer (well, I was close to hanging myself once but my mom, who I didn't realize was home came in and stopped me... but that's it. I was in some weird dissociative mood at the time and I didn't even know what I was doing).
How do you all keep yourselves from not getting this scared and worried?

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i was in love with a heroin addicted girl before too, this is something they do. especially on the weekend.she's out getting high. unfortunately with them the high comes before anything else.you are in a really tough situation. i know EXACTLY how you feel & it's awful. i tried everything with her and in the end the heroin won out, she's on her way to prison now & at least i know she's still alive and safe. but i had to move on with my life, you probably don't want to hear this....i know i didn't at the time,but it may be time to move on, heroin is extremely addictive and when they don't have it, that's all they think about is getting it( and are willing to do anything to get it). you have got to start living for you, you deserve better than to be treated like this. in order to truly quit, you have to get away from the people, the places & the things. period. right now she's not willing to do that, try to keep yourself busy, let her call you.that's what i used to do, i got tired of calling and texting and not getting a response, that's emotionally abusive, forcing you to worry like this, the aching and worrying feels awful, mind wandering and running through all the possible scenarios of what could be going on...it's not worth it. when you're calling and texting she's feeling bad about what she's doing(ashamed) so it's making it worse, so to make the shame go away she starts using again & it turns into a vicious cycle. i know how hard it is not to call & text, you just feel like you want to die when she doesn't pick up, but you gotta stop or it's gonna drive you crazy like it did me, you just have to accept that she's out getting high & at some point you are going to have to come to a decision as to whether you want to keep going through this, cause i can tell you as sure as i'm sitting here typing, it's not going to stop. i know that's not what you wanted to hear, but i just went through the exact same situation last summer

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

i was in love with a heroin addicted girl before too, this is something they do. especially on the weekend.she's out getting high. unfortunately with them the high comes before anything else.you are in a really tough situation. i know EXACTLY how you feel & it's awful. i tried everything with her and in the end the heroin won out, she's on her way to prison now & at least i know she's still alive and safe. but i had to move on with my life, you probably don't want to hear this....i know i didn't at the time,but it may be time to move on, heroin is extremely addictive and when they don't have it, that's all they think about is getting it( and are willing to do anything to get it). you have got to start living for you, you deserve better than to be treated like this. in order to truly quit, you have to get away from the people, the places & the things. period. right now she's not willing to do that, try to keep yourself busy, let her call you.that's what i used to do, i got tired of calling and texting and not getting a response, that's emotionally abusive, forcing you to worry like this, the aching and worrying feels awful, mind wandering and running through all the possible scenarios of what could be going on...it's not worth it. when you're calling and texting she's feeling bad about what she's doing(ashamed) so it's making it worse, so to make the shame go away she starts using again & it turns into a vicious cycle. i know how hard it is not to call & text, you just feel like you want to die when she doesn't pick up, but you gotta stop or it's gonna drive you crazy like it did me, you just have to accept that she's out getting high & at some point you are going to have to come to a decision as to whether you want to keep going through this, cause i can tell you as sure as i'm sitting here typing, it's not going to stop. i know that's not what you wanted to hear, but i just went through the exact same situation last summer

She always texts me when she's high though. When she's high she's emotionally stable and have an easier time talking to me. It's when she's trying to quit she shuts me out. The abstinence is horrible and I understand her not being able to talk to anyone at that point. She does feel bad about not replying, which she shouldn't, and she's always apologizing wishing she could be there to calm me down. She says she's not the only one who needs to be looked after and cared for and she wants to be the one who does that for me but doesn't know how. She does calm me down though. She makes me so happy when she's actually there and that makes it all worth it. Nobody else does. But I still worry... that just comes naturally when you love someone as much as I love her. She can and will get better. Because she wants to and is motivated to. And even IF this was going to be forever, I'd stay right by her side. She needs me and I need her. I'm not breaking any of the promises I gave her.

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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

She always texts me when she's high though. When she's high she's emotionally stable and have an easier time talking to me. It's when she's trying to quit she shuts me out. The abstinence is horrible and I understand her not being able to talk to anyone at that point. She does feel bad about not replying, which she shouldn't, and she's always apologizing wishing she could be there to calm me down. She says she's not the only one who needs to be looked after and cared for and she wants to be the one who does that for me but doesn't know how. She does calm me down though. She makes me so happy when she's actually there and that makes it all worth it. Nobody else does. But I still worry... that just comes naturally when you love someone as much as I love her. She can and will get better. Because she wants to and is motivated to. And even IF this was going to be forever, I'd stay right by her side. She needs me and I need her. I'm not breaking any of the promises I gave her.

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well with that being said, hold on for the ride, it's gonna be rocky...i can promise you that.but if you have the stomach for it,go for it! just know that there are going to be these times that she does this & you're just going to have to be patient and understanding and don't press her and you'll be fine, my friend

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

well with that being said, hold on for the ride, it's gonna be rocky...i can promise you that.but if you have the stomach for it,go for it! just know that there are going to be these times that she does this & you're just going to have to be patient and understanding and don't press her and you'll be fine, my friend

Thankyou. I know... I've known her since last summer and she's been addicted and trying to quit the whole time. We've gone through HELL, but we're making progress. In the beginning, she could only go without heroin for a couple of days, now she makes it for over a week sometimes. I'm so proud of her. I know it's so hard on her, and I'm never disappointed or mad when she relapses. I'm just proud of her for telling me, and I'm proud of her for trying so hard. I tell her as often as I can. She's such an amazing person.
Do you still keep in touch with her in prison?

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[allme]

It has only been a couple of days so try not to worry, she will have a lot on her plate if she is going clean.

I also hate people. I mean, I despise them in real life. Here I seem to be ok, I guess cause it's in the virtual world, I dunno. The only person I like and love is my husband.

It's not a nice way to be but I am far too sensitive for the people of this cruel nasty world.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

Thankyou. I know... I've known her since last summer and she's been addicted and trying to quit the whole time. We've gone through HELL, but we're making progress. In the beginning, she could only go without heroin for a couple of days, now she makes it for over a week sometimes. I'm so proud of her. I know it's so hard on her, and I'm never disappointed or mad when she relapses. I'm just proud of her for telling me, and I'm proud of her for trying so hard. I tell her as often as I can. She's such an amazing person.
Do you still keep in touch with her in prison?

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yeah, i still keep in touch with her, i still love her and probably always will
for me it's just way too much to handle,especially with my own issues. the worrying and her disappearing for days at a time with no contact was just
too much to bear

[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by allme

It has only been a couple of days so try not to worry, she will have a lot on her plate if she is going clean.

I also hate people. I mean, I despise them in real life. Here I seem to be ok, I guess cause it's in the virtual world, I dunno. The only person I like and love is my husband.

It's not a nice way to be but I am far too sensitive for the people of this cruel nasty world.

I'll try... I wish I could be everything she needs me to be but... yeah.

People are gross. We've ruined this planet, we seem to enjoy hurting and manipulating one another and it's scary to think we're the most intelligent mammal on the planet. Internet people are usually nicer, or well, people who suffer from mental illness are in general more empathetic and loving. Because we know how it feels to be too damaged and sensitive to be around insensitive humans.
It's great you have your husband... being around people you hate 24/7 is hard, I know.
I try to be nice and polite towards people, so they never really notice how hateful I am. I try not to be part of the reason I hate the human race so much haha! As long as we aren't like them, and try our best not to hurt them, there's no reason we can't silently despice them, right?

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[isntlifewonderful]

Originally Posted by trying2survive

yeah, i still keep in touch with her, i still love her and probably always will
for me it's just way too much to handle,especially with my own issues. the worrying and her disappearing for days at a time with no contact was just
too much to bear

I understand. It takes two people for it to work. The girl I'm talking about tries to do her part by letting me know if she's relapsed, talking to me about her issues and most of the time letting me know how she's doing.
Maybe the two of you will find your way back to each other when she's clean? Has she considered getting proffesional help? I'm not sure how the laws work where you're from but is the prison she's in going to try to help her in some way?

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[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by isntlifewonderful

I understand. It takes two people for it to work. The girl I'm talking about tries to do her part by letting me know if she's relapsed, talking to me about her issues and most of the time letting me know how she's doing.
Maybe the two of you will find your way back to each other when she's clean? Has she considered getting proffesional help? I'm not sure how the laws work where you're from but is the prison she's in going to try to help her in some way?

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idk about the 2 of us getting back together, that's gonna take like 3 miracles ( hee hee) i don't see that happening, she has the option to go through treatment while she's there, but from what i see she has no intention of getting better or quitting, she keeps doing the same things over and over.she just did 6 months,was out for 30 days and right back in, last time she did 4 months and was out for 10 days! unbelievable, at some point you gotta say enough is enough.