A Question to consider

We talked about the difference between love, hate and indifference on a previous post, and there are some good responses.

Today, i would like to ask any of you that care to reply:

Why is it that some people feel that in order to feel good, must have someone to feel bad about?

I ask my step mother this yesterday, this has been most of our relationship for a very long time. She really doesn't have any idea about how she treats others, and thus i am becoming more aware of how i affect others....
Not looking to change anything, just trying to open some doors with her....if possible. (we'll see)

Making efforts today, to move into a different perspective, and a lighter attitude with moving forward in my own life. Sharing some points to ponder with my friends here.

thanks
Jade

Well, I'm not entirely sure I'm understanding your question, but I'm interpreting it to mean "Why is it that some people feel that in order to feel good, they must have something to feel bad about?"

If this is what you meant, then I'd say that some people literally are afraid of being completely happy. Some people's lives have largely consisted of being unsatisfied and/or unhappy to the point that the person becomes comfortable with feeling unsatisfied/unhappy. They view that as normal. Change is difficult for everyone. Therefore, even though the person wants to be happy, a part of them is still afraid to let go of their old routine/"normal" life. So when they find themselves in a situation where nothing seems to be wrong, they will find something to complain about because that makes them feel more comfortable, because that is what they are accustomed to.

I don't think that people WANT to feel bad abut something. I read that depression could be a result of evolution. Humans need to see what needs to be fixed in order to survive. If your hut has a hole in it, you know to fix it before the next storm. However, in developed societies, we have it so well that the things we have wrong are not as easy to fix and it makes us unhappy.

Make sense?

Thanks for the replies and input, all helpful with different perspectives.....
sometimes i am prone to tunnel vision.

let me use an example: a caregiver who is OVERCARING to the point of their own needs wants and desires, is recognized as a "good" person....this can get to be extreme. The "fix" is the needing to be needed by the ill person. As in one up one down.
She feels "good" cuz you feel "bad"....
a twisty little dance isn't it? No matter though, thanks to you all for putting a wider vision to it.....
Jade

Hmm I'm not sure I've ever meant anyone like you're describing. I feel worse if someone else feels bad because I take on their pain. Perhaps who you're describing is an uncommon case ?

I agree to some degree with Uber -- I have had a hard time feeling good because I am in constant vigilance for something to go wrong. For example, I have a 45 minute commute to work. Rather than listen to music, which relaxes me and makes me feel good, I listen to talk radio, or worse, those news channels. I'm not necessarily looking for something to complain about, but I get kind of worried that if I relax too much, enjoy the moment and let go, I will get sideswiped by some occurance or catastrophe (Crazy right?). I don't know if that makes sense to you but if that's kind of how you feel, what I have been trying just lately is to listen to the music, and if impending doom fears come into my mind, I say "There are going to be good days and bad days, its unavoidable, so let me enjoy the good times while I can".

I saw a little saying in my therapist's office that goes something like: "If I get worried about having a bad day, I can be sure that up until today, I've gotten through 100% of them"

Hope this helps.....good luck!!

interesting concept, hmmmm