[sideblinded]

Hi gang

I have been perplexed with my behaviors over my whole adult life. The one repeating theme which confuses me the most is my multiple relocations and job changes to include in and out of my past career as a Respiratory Therapist. I have had so many different jobs and there must be some nomadic history in my genes as I have relocated over 45 times. Something bad happens...ie: loss of a relationship or I guit another job and I move out of state. I plan the trip well so it goes smoothly but when I get there...I ask myself, what did I do?

This happened again a year ago. I had to put my mini-schnauzer down due to an illness after a 9 year companionship so I was grieving so badly. So what do I do? I move to the border of Maine and Canada in a small town where there was nothing. After the newness wore off, I was asking myself, what happened? I hated it there and for the first time I did the right thing and moved back where I moved from. Usually, I would have moved somewhere else and either found it a place to stay for a while and then move on.

Any thoughts of what may be going on in my brain when this happens? Is it an ADHD thing (executive function) or BPD thing? I was on SSRI's and they did not stop my impulsivity. I have heard that SSRI's can alter dopamine activity in a negative way. I had a need to explore again. The problem is, it was not a good decision. Any feedback would be appreciated.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by SideBlinded

Hi gang

I have been perplexed with my behaviors over my whole adult life. The one repeating theme which confuses me the most is my multiple relocations and job changes to include in and out of my past career as a Respiratory Therapist. I have had so many different jobs and there must be some nomadic history in my genes as I have relocated over 45 times. Something bad happens...ie: loss of a relationship or I guit another job and I move out of state. I plan the trip well so it goes smoothly but when I get there...I ask myself, what did I do?

This happened again a year ago. I had to put my mini-schnauzer down due to an illness after a 9 year companionship so I was grieving so badly. So what do I do? I move to the border of Maine and Canada in a small town where there was nothing. After the newness wore off, I was asking myself, what happened? I hated it there and for the first time I did the right thing and moved back where I moved from. Usually, I would have moved somewhere else and either found it a place to stay for a while and then move on.

Any thoughts of what may be going on in my brain when this happens? Is it an ADHD thing (executive function) or BPD thing? I was on SSRI's and they did not stop my impulsivity. I have heard that SSRI's can alter dopamine activity in a negative way. I had a need to explore again. The problem is, it was not a good decision. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Generally speaking (and recognizing the dangers of that) it's a BPD thing. I have ADD and never really liked moving..although I've done it way too often. In fact, I've lived here longer than anywhere in my life but that's because my kids were here and I didn't want to uproot them.

That said, my ADD makes me hate change, but my BPD insists on it, especially when something goes wrong. I've lived in this state for years but have moved probably 20 plus times within the state and city...last couple of years only twice, so evidently things were going wrong a lot more in the past then recently.

If I can't move, then I change something else..hair, nails...rearrange furniture...change car...etc. Something to make it DIFFERENT. Because where it was hurt too much. I'll rarely stop something, but I will START something--different exercise routine...different gym etc.

I'm not on meds...but even when I was, I still did this. I'm working on keeping myself from needed to move again and actually, before my life went south the last time, I had just moved --- for once, for the right reason. That kept me in the same place...lack of fundages, although I had already decided if I wasn't working again before july, I was gonna hit the road. *sigh*

Just insight...not much help, sorry.

[sideblinded]

Actually, great insight, waiting4

I know that I have constant hyperactivity as far as ADHD. You only mentioned ADD. I seemed to have tested out of attention problems on a conners scale but that does not rule out the attention problems I have or address the hyperactivity that is so pervasive. I may be confusing impulsivity with my relocations and executive function with my bad decisions to move.

I bet that my relocations are in fact BPD traits. I make a judgment that since the situation is bad... that why not leave the whole state I live in because it isn't everything i want anyway. I can talk myself into moving for what I believe are practical reasons. Like I want low crime, low traffic, low population, scenery and the list goes on. I base my move on these criteria. It sounds crazy, but this is my mindset after something bad happens so it must be borderline. I guess I must see things as either all good or all bad.

Thanks!

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by SideBlinded

Actually, great insight, waiting4

I know that I have constant hyperactivity as far as ADHD. You only mentioned ADD. I seemed to have tested out of attention problems on a conners scale but that does not rule out the attention problems I have or address the hyperactivity that is so pervasive. I may be confusing impulsivity with my relocations and executive function with my bad decisions to move.

I bet that my relocations are in fact BPD traits. I make a judgment that since the situation is bad... that why not leave the whole state I live in because it isn't everything i want anyway. I can talk myself into moving for what I believe are practical reasons. Like I want low crime, low traffic, low population, scenery and the list goes on. I base my move on these criteria. It sounds crazy, but this is my mindset after something bad happens so it must be borderline. I guess I must see things as either all good or all bad.

Thanks!

My son has ADHD as did I when I was his age of dx. Eventually, it went to ADD so not as hyper...it's the BPD that makes me have to change. As I said, the ADD rejects change and I freak out usually...unless it's something I HAVE to do because something bad happened and I have to physically remove myself (in some way) from it.

Go figure. lol

[sideblinded]

Originally Posted by waiting4

My son has ADHD as did I when I was his age of dx. Eventually, it went to ADD so not as hyper...it's the BPD that makes me have to change. As I said, the ADD rejects change and I freak out usually...unless it's something I HAVE to do because something bad happened and I have to physically remove myself (in some way) from it.

Go figure. lol

Helpful to know!

[Kimaya]

Yea... it sucks for sure. Hardest part of staying in the same job for me is this little runaway bit. And its a real stress moving too... packing and blah. I actually have little real possessions just because of this I think. But the relief of getting out is too strong a pull.

I almost always hate it where I move, but I think its because generally I just want to be somewhere new again, removing any negative feelings associated with where I have been.

There is one place I would go back to and try it again... my hometown (ha!) Monterey Ca. My parents are BPD of differing varieties and all we did was run when I was a kid.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by Kimaya

Yea... it sucks for sure. Hardest part of staying in the same job for me is this little runaway bit. And its a real stress moving too... packing and blah. I actually have little real possessions just because of this I think. But the relief of getting out is too strong a pull.

I almost always hate it where I move, but I think its because generally I just want to be somewhere new again, removing any negative feelings associated with where I have been.

There is one place I would go back to and try it again... my hometown (ha!) Monterey Ca. My parents are BPD of differing varieties and all we did was run when I was a kid.

Yeah, I was the same way, (few possessions) but then I started 'collecting'....books (old old books) mostly, also antiquities...blah blah blah.....now I have lots of stuff but not tooo much..this last move I jetisoned a lot of stuff. I have a one bedroom and it's 'tastefully appointed' lol And can't hold anymore stuff!

I'm the opposite of your other comment tho. When I get to a place I LOVE it...I walk around admiring it etc....but when the bad stuff happens, all I can say is 'I hate living here' with varying degrees of anger and I'll know right then...I'm doomed to move within the next few months.

[Kimaya]

Originally Posted by waiting4

Yeah, I was the same way, (few possessions) but then I started 'collecting'....books (old old books) mostly, also antiquities...blah blah blah.....now I have lots of stuff but not tooo much..this last move I jetisoned a lot of stuff. I have a one bedroom and it's 'tastefully appointed' lol And can't hold anymore stuff!

I'm the opposite of your other comment tho. When I get to a place I LOVE it...I walk around admiring it etc....but when the bad stuff happens, all I can say is 'I hate living here' with varying degrees of anger and I'll know right then...I'm doomed to move within the next few months.

Some places I love right off. I definitely love the feeling of being free of bad memories/negative impressions. One place I loved right off was Monterey, another Denver, CO. But yea...

I really *hate* moving. XD We are moving just in town and I am like, throwing it out. This is where half of my stuff goes.... I think.