[redbandit]

I've recently been officially diagnosed, or at least am finally admitting it. I'm feeling extremely hopeless about my illness and chances of getting better . Can anyone give me any tips? I'm seeing my pdoc tomorrow . I feel like I've sabotaged any chance of happiness I may have had . I'm sure things will get better eventually, but a pdoc I talked to said it can take 5-10 years to get better from bpd! ! Seriously? Please someone tell me this isn't true

[haleylaurel]

i have no hope, but i hear that's a symptom of BPD. so it's kind of a catch22.

i tell my mom that i'm on these forums and she says that only people that are struggling go to forums, those who are healthy are out in the world not sitting on the internet bragging about their success.

so don't let others' hopelessness make you hopeless.

[ifst5]

It's not the sort of condition you can sugar coat. It's difficult and it is a lifelong process...some claim to be cured or at least more free of symptoms to no longer qualify for diagnosis. I personally am somewhat skeptical but i won't deny anyone the right to what they feel they know.

We also have to factor in a lot of variables - everyone with BPD is different and affected differently. There are different sets of most troubling symptoms and a different amount of external support and quality of care on offer to each person. The bottom line is that if a sufferer is serious about achieving and maintaining a better quality of life then they will keep trying to do so for as long as they can. There will be set backs, disappointments, readjustments and so on but the goal is finding your own way. This won't necessarily be the same way as a fellow sufferer.

Some don't make it. Others do but have had to accept a different quality of life with certain limitations. Others are less affected or find that their difficulties are more dependent on circumstances; to that end they feel they can exercise more control over the matter.

I don't think it has to be a death sentence, if we look at this from a more detached and realistic viewpoint, there are far worse chronic health problems with which to be maligned. It's also a disease that's still very much in the early stages of research - new developments will occur. There may never be a cure but i highly doubt better treatment is unlikely.

For now i would actually get under the umbrella rather than worry about the amount of rain - there's a lot that needs to sink in with this diagnosis so give yourself time and when you're ready, work out what this really means for you and what you think you need to do about it.

We'll be here to support you as best we can.

[Espresso]

I've never heard a time frame like that before. But I don't think it matters. I'm doing my best to control myself, going to DBT and therapy, taking my medication. Slowly, slowly, life is possibly getting a little easier. I'm so screwed up though that I don't think I'll ever be normal. In any case, figure out what you want to change about yourself and work with a therapist to change that. DBT is good too.

[Mustkeepjob32]

What I like to remember is that all the experts say that BPD gets better with age. I'm 36 and in the last several years it's gotten bad, but I'm encouraged that as I age, the problems will be mitigated.

[technigal]

I was where you are a year ago. Life is not perfect but I am in a much better state of mind then where I was. The biggest change maker for me was DBT, it really helped me to learn better coping strategies.

I am not sure that BPD gets better with age - I was diagnosed at 44 but I do think that there is hope for the future. My husband comments all the time that I am smiling now.

Now if I could conquer my anxiety....

[Korana]

I don't believe there is a cure. A disorder this deeply rooted in childhood is not something you can just shed... As the psychologists like to mewl on about... Our childhood is where we're built from the ground up. You can't go back and fill in the cracks in the foundations.
Intense treatment can alleviate symptoms and teach you to cope with ongoing symptoms so you can lead as normal a life as possible. But as hopeful as I get that 'everything will be okay' It always comes back.
I didn't get an official diagnosis until I was over 18, but between doctors throughout my life, my confused mother and messed up me heard the label many times, no one able to put a big read BPD stamp on me until I was a legal adult. So I'll say with a good degree of certainty I've been living with it for more than ten years... and it's quite episodic actually. Mine comes, messes everything up, and fades away a bit, to live in the background as a steady hum. But it always comes back.
We'll see in the next decade?

You CAN manage this. It can be done. You need to know it, know what it does to you and what's going to trigger it.

Originally Posted by redbandit

I've recently been officially diagnosed, or at least am finally admitting it. I'm feeling extremely hopeless about my illness and chances of getting better . Can anyone give me any tips? I'm seeing my pdoc tomorrow . I feel like I've sabotaged any chance of happiness I may have had . I'm sure things will get better eventually, but a pdoc I talked to said it can take 5-10 years to get better from bpd! ! Seriously? Please someone tell me this isn't true

Sorry that you're going through a tough and confusing time right now I'm gonna be straight with you, for your benefit.

I've known about BPD for 3 years, and have had it for about 13 years (if you don't count childhood), so I'll speak solely from my experience.

"Getting better" is a loosely defined term Does that mean you're on cloud 9 ? Or that you're married ? Or that you're divorced ? It means different things to different people, so my first tip to you is: Don't put too much emphasis on the "get better in 5-10 years" crap. It really doesn't work that way.

Since BPD represents a long standing presence of self-defeating behavior patterns, it is a deeply rooted problem. That means 2 things - 1) meds don't cure BPD, though they might help with symptoms. 2) The problem cannot be fixed overnight, simply because it took many years to form those behavior patterns, so it will take time to undo them. How long just depends on you entirely ... a few years is doable, but then, it could be a few decades (sorry to break it to you).

Also, although the DSM defines recovery from BPD as no longer matching 5 or more criteria, does that mean you suddenly jump from total agony to total bliss overnight ? No !!! There is going to be a continuum of *gradual* change for you on the way to recovery.

The bottom line is: You need to find ways to cope with your troublesome symptoms, whatever they might be: emotional outbursts, social anxiety, whatever. Over time, you will feel better ... not because you have been "cured" or have "recovered", but because you have found ways to cope with your symptoms and avoid your self-defeating behaviors. How long it takes is entirely up to you. .... AND ONE PROVEN THERAPY OPTION FOR THIS IS DBT.

One example from my life: Road rage used to be a huge problem for me. I'd do very dangerous things in response to people driving like morons. Ultimately, I realized that it's just not worth it, and started reminding myself to breathe deeply when triggered on the road, and just change lanes and let the asshole pass.

Don't let the doctors or the seemingly bleak prognosis get you down. You can and will get better ... just want to get better. We are here to hold your hand along the way Feel free to PM me with any questions.

Originally Posted by Korana

I don't believe there is a cure. A disorder this deeply rooted in childhood is not something you can just shed... As the psychologists like to mewl on about... Our childhood is where we're built from the ground up. You can't go back and fill in the cracks in the foundations.
Intense treatment can alleviate symptoms and teach you to cope with ongoing symptoms so you can lead as normal a life as possible. But as hopeful as I get that 'everything will be okay' It always comes back.
I didn't get an official diagnosis until I was over 18, but between doctors throughout my life, my confused mother and messed up me heard the label many times, no one able to put a big read BPD stamp on me until I was a legal adult. So I'll say with a good degree of certainty I've been living with it for more than ten years... and it's quite episodic actually. Mine comes, messes everything up, and fades away a bit, to live in the background as a steady hum. But it always comes back.
We'll see in the next decade?

You CAN manage this. It can be done. You need to know it, know what it does to you and what's going to trigger it.

OMG, you could not have said it any better ! I completely agree with you (esp the deeply rooted in childhood part).

Originally Posted by ifst5

It's not the sort of condition you can sugar coat. It's difficult and it is a lifelong process...some claim to be cured or at least more free of symptoms to no longer qualify for diagnosis. I personally am somewhat skeptical but i won't deny anyone the right to what they feel they know.

We also have to factor in a lot of variables - everyone with BPD is different and affected differently. There are different sets of most troubling symptoms and a different amount of external support and quality of care on offer to each person. The bottom line is that if a sufferer is serious about achieving and maintaining a better quality of life then they will keep trying to do so for as long as they can. There will be set backs, disappointments, readjustments and so on but the goal is finding your own way. This won't necessarily be the same way as a fellow sufferer.

Some don't make it. Others do but have had to accept a different quality of life with certain limitations. Others are less affected or find that their difficulties are more dependent on circumstances; to that end they feel they can exercise more control over the matter.

I don't think it has to be a death sentence, if we look at this from a more detached and realistic viewpoint, there are far worse chronic health problems with which to be maligned. It's also a disease that's still very much in the early stages of research - new developments will occur. There may never be a cure but i highly doubt better treatment is unlikely.

For now i would actually get under the umbrella rather than worry about the amount of rain - there's a lot that needs to sink in with this diagnosis so give yourself time and when you're ready, work out what this really means for you and what you think you need to do about it.

We'll be here to support you as best we can.

Excellent words, ifst5 !

[dancinglady]

I am 63 it does NOT get better with age, that is my experience. Problem with getting older is your choices and options significantly decrease. I like when one said "you have to accept a new definition of life, not what I planned for 63. I had to significantly lower my standards for the definition of happy. No major accomplishments. Happy for me is "getting out of bed in the morning without suicidal plans and what time today will I do it". My advice is live life and just forget ever getting to normal. We will not have a normal persons life. We are mentally disturbed for LIFE.

[dancinglady]

Maybe one last thing I would say on this topic. Don't feel bad that you can't understand what normal people understand. If like me you have no and never had "in person live emotional support" rely on the professionals to clarify your misunderstandings. They see the world like a normal person and they will explain. I have a dog and I had to have a professional dog trainer explain things. She looked at me weird but I blew it off. I guess to a normal person my questions were dumb but I have accepted that I will get weird looks and statements when I ask. I cry a lot cuz it hurts to see how much I don't understand but this is the part ofBPD you learn to live with tearful but you radically endure that this is your life. Like it or not doesn't matter.

Originally Posted by lilodian4ever

Sorry that you're going through a tough and confusing time right now I'm gonna be straight with you, for your benefit.

I've known about BPD for 3 years, and have had it for about 13 years (if you don't count childhood), so I'll speak solely from my experience.

"Getting better" is a loosely defined term Does that mean you're on cloud 9 ? Or that you're married ? Or that you're divorced ? It means different things to different people, so my first tip to you is: Don't put too much emphasis on the "get better in 5-10 years" crap. It really doesn't work that way.

Since BPD represents a long standing presence of self-defeating behavior patterns, it is a deeply rooted problem. That means 2 things - 1) meds don't cure BPD, though they might help with symptoms. 2) The problem cannot be fixed overnight, simply because it took many years to form those behavior patterns, so it will take time to undo them. How long just depends on you entirely ... a few years is doable, but then, it could be a few decades (sorry to break it to you).

Also, although the DSM defines recovery from BPD as no longer matching 5 or more criteria, does that mean you suddenly jump from total agony to total bliss overnight ? No !!! There is going to be a continuum of *gradual* change for you on the way to recovery.

The bottom line is: You need to find ways to cope with your troublesome symptoms, whatever they might be: emotional outbursts, social anxiety, whatever. Over time, you will feel better ... not because you have been "cured" or have "recovered", but because you have found ways to cope with your symptoms and avoid your self-defeating behaviors. How long it takes is entirely up to you. .... AND ONE PROVEN THERAPY OPTION FOR THIS IS DBT.

One example from my life: Road rage used to be a huge problem for me. I'd do very dangerous things in response to people driving like morons. Ultimately, I realized that it's just not worth it, and started reminding myself to breathe deeply when triggered on the road, and just change lanes and let the asshole pass.

Don't let the doctors or the seemingly bleak prognosis get you down. You can and will get better ... just want to get better. We are here to hold your hand along the way Feel free to PM me with any questions.

Originally Posted by dancinglady

I am 63 it does NOT get better with age, that is my experience. Problem with getting older is your choices and options significantly decrease. I like when one said "you have to accept a new definition of life, not what I planned for 63. I had to significantly lower my standards for the definition of happy. No major accomplishments. Happy for me is "getting out of bed in the morning without suicidal plans and what time today will I do it". My advice is live life and just forget ever getting to normal. We will not have a normal persons life. We are mentally disturbed for LIFE.