[cryingontheinside]

For some reason i remember and focus on every bad thing anyone has ever done to me.
I think i use it as an excuse for not living my life and can blame it on why i am like i am.
Im really sick of this. I dont want to remember or focus on negative things and i want to forgive and move forward but i dont know how.

I really hate myself and i dont know how to like myself and start living again.

I will never get better. I will never love my self or be loved . I really want to die but the thing that stops me is family that i will hurt and pain i will cause to others. Oh i just dont want to be here. Its unbearable being me. Life feels like a punishment. I dont know what to do any more .

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[ThunderGoddess]

I know it's really hard right now but telling yourself you will never get better isn't ever going to help you feel better I also know it's not so easy to flip the switch so I'm not pressuring you but if you could try to look at a different way like with more detail so you can understand the emotions you are feeling and try to help yourself to feel a bit better than you do now.

Here is an example of what my therapist said to me yesterday... So I walked into his office and I said this morning has been really crazy I'm losing my mind I wish I could just starve to death and die And he said now what really happened this morning because I know it wasn't crazy and you are not losing your mind ( of course that irritated me because I WAS LIKE NOOOOO I AM F*** CRAZY WHY ARE YOU DENYING MY RIGHT TO FEEL CRAZY? I didn't say that but thought it) So the I proceeded to please him. Okay my debit card was stolen and my phone is off and I have no money for food today and I am feeling stressed out about it because I can't do anything to fix it right now. And after I said it that way it helped me feel a bit better because it was better than crazy to be honest crazy isn't really something you can grasp and get yourself out of but the facts of a situation can help you alter the future of the day a bit.

I love you I think you are a really nice person I think you are trying the best you can right now and I'm proud of you for sticking it out! This isn't easy but you can get better one day at a time, you won't always have good days but there will be more good days than you could of ever imagined once you get in the right therapy for you.

[cryingontheinside]

Omg your card was stollen ? And no food. Omg no wonder you wasnt feeling good. That would make me feel crazy too. I cant cope with things like that .

Thankyou so much for your kind words and sharing your experiences. I can tell you are a good person too. A wonderful amazing beautiful person . Thanl you!!
I will try harder. I wont give up

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[technigal]

Forgiveness is a very hard concept for anyone, BPD makes it worse. There are people I have cut from my life because I could not cope with the things they had done to me. For others when I start to think that they did something bad in the past I try to remember the good things they have done. It is not easy but it is possible.

[WibblyWobbly]

I think you're making progress because you recognize that you shouldn't focus on the negative and that you need to move forward. The way I think of it is... forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for yourself. It's accepting and letting go so that thing doesn't dominate your life anymore. You are freeing yourself, and that's an act of self-love. Try to see this as a positive... You think you hate yourself, but something inside is saying "I don't want to hurt anymore! I want to be free to live!" There is a part of you that hasn't given up on loving yourself. I'm not sure if all that makes any sense to you. I've been struggling to forgive too so I've been psychoanalyzing the heck out of this process. I just want us all to get better!

[CopperStar]

I just try to be strategic, and approach it as a strategy.

There are certain things I won't forgive, because of my own values.

There are certain things I will forgive, if the person is remorseful.

There are certain things I can just let go of, because they are more like accidents or misunderstandings than malice.

I think of these things as a type a boundaries.

Then I try to just sit back and let people teach me about themselves. If they teach me that they are malicious, manipulative, cannot be trusted, etc, then it is simply strategic of me to not have them in my life.

If someone teaches me that even though they are human and make mistakes, that they are generally good, then they are worth letting things slide for on occasion.