I'm right, right?

Yes, every individual I've seen that has diagnosed me with BPD has came right out and said it after only a few times of meeting with them, BPD is quite recognizable. I never asked for a dx and for me personally it's because I just didn't really care. I just wanted to get the proper therapy for my symptoms. If your therapist is going to work on emotion regulation with you, that is great and that is what I would focus on not so much the diagnosis because in the end it's the emotion regulation therapy that will help most. Right now having as many people say I have BPD none of it is on paper it's always mood disorder NOS or anxiety disorder NOS so even if they say you have it more than likely you will never get a formal paper stating it and trust me it's probably better that way until the world is more prepared for letting go of the stigma.

I'm nearly 45 so a diagnosis now would be entirely warranted.

As far as the "wanting" to have it...no, but in my mind the knowing would somehow be a relief. When I got diagnosed for ADHD it made SO MANY things make sense and it allowed me to make peace with how badly I handled so many things in my life. So, in that regard, I guess you'd be right when you say I "want" to have it. It would be nice to know that the way that I have managed to fck up so many relationships in my life was affected by this AND that help is on the horizon though I find that almost impossible to believe.

As far as the title, "I'm right, right?" is mostly about me putting 1+1 together and coming out with 2. For him to say we need to work on regulating my emotions, I just wanted to know if that sounded to anyone else as code for BPD. I know that my ADHD often causes me to lump things together that don't belong or to not make connections that I should. The "debating" thing, being told that I don't know the difference, when I do, put me on the defensive. The fact that certain people couldn't let ***** go and to further go on and INSIST that I don't know what I'm talking about is EXTREMELY irritating for me and yes, I'm going to dig in my heels. One of my character flaws. It wasn't about the being right about the diagnosis, it was about certain people assuming that they know what I know when the reality is, they didn't WANT to understand what I was saying. Instead of asking for clarification, they just made assumptions and then started getting snarky hence I'm going to get b*tchy right back.

This is the reason I came here with the question. Because my psychiatrist didn't like me labeling things. Whatever I said, for example, "My ADHD is giving me a really hard time focusing at work - and I get edgy" he would tell me not to worry about WHY, but what. He'd tell me he thinks it's my Bipolar that is doing these things, you see?

Me, I LIKE being able to put certain things in boxes if it helps me to understand. Maybe that's because of the ADHD? My brain ATTEMPTING to organize the chaos? It's really the only way I can explain it.

But I'd like to thank the two of you for the responses. Hoping I was clearer this time.

Lots of people need to learn how to emotionally regulate, not just those with BPD. A hallmark of BPD is extreme emotions/emotional sensitivity but there are plenty of people who have emotional sensitivity or feel things to the extreme who don't have BPD. I do emotional regulation, specifically distress tolerance and radical acceptance groups with all sorts of dxes. Patients range from Bipolar disorder to Major Depression, some have PDs, some have chemical dependency issues but IMO radical acceptance especially is something that universally needs to be learned.

All that being said, some people/clinicians don't want to "label" and maybe he does think you have it but you have a right to know what you've been diagnosed with.

I just looked up Radical Acceptance. Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer minus God. You're a therapist apparently.

Well good to know then that there's a chance without a new dx. It's funny because when I took psych in college and started diagnosing myself the teacher said everyone does and everyone is wrong. My first dx I never caught but back then ADHD was still a children's disorder I believe. Don't think I saw bipolar coming but my only experience with that was Richard Gere in Mr. Jones.

It's honestly hard for me to imagine shutting up the b1tch in my head who feeds my insecurity and self loathing. Medication was such a relief. Nothing is perfect but I'm worlds from where I started.

Thanks for the feedback.

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One of life's greatest frustrations is knowing something is wrong with you, but people withholding the information of precisely what. You wouldn't hold back the diagnosis of cancer a patient. Doesn't it make sense that the more informed we are, the better we understand and can deal with what is going on with us? Knowledge is power. I handle my issues so much better when I know what they are and understand them inside and out. It gives me a sense of control.

I say this because my first psychiatrist over medicated me but wouldn't tell me why. My therapist was also hesitant to diagnose me and it drove me crazy because I couldn't understand what was happening to me, and the people who did understand at least somewhat, wasn't telling me. My therapist ended up wrongly diagnosing me anyways. Maybe it was a tricky case. But at least they could have given me more information.

So be sure to ask for that diagnosis. Explain how it would be to your benefit, not just a label, if you honestly think it would be to your benefit YMIHere. I feel like, after I know, I can plan a course of action and make better decisions on what kind of treatment I want.

Thanks for all that. You've basically described my situation. I joked that I wouldn't be mad no matter what the news. Maybe he doesn't want to tell me I'm a narcissist as one other "helpful" individual pointed out.

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One more thing - I can't figure out WHY I feel such a reluctance to put him on the spot to pressure him to give me an answer. I've been rather laissez faire about it but I really DO want to know. Not quite sure what that's about.

The only reason I know I have BPD or Bipolar is from the hospital reports. My psychiatrist didn't tell me my diagnoses; she was more focused on treating my symptoms.

Learning emotional regulation, no matter what diagnosis you have, is very helpful. I use DBT a lot and it has helped.

Thanks. Hospital reports. Never been hospitalized. So the first time I knew my dx for Bipolar was when I needed paperwork for work. I always figured I wasn't "that bad" so I figured Bipolar II but it's as below.

I swear there have been so many days I WISHED I was in the hospital just for the reprieve. Just so that nobody would want or expect anything from me.

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Nobody likes being invalidated. If someone says they really feel they have BPD, it doesn't mean that they don't simply because they haven't been "officially diagnosed". We all know that official diagnoses don't mean $hit half the time.

Sorry you're being ragged on, YMI.

P.S. Some therapists never said anything, possibly because my depression was masking it or because they weren't able to catch it. Others were very hesitant but volunteered it after a few sessions. And then I would say, "Yeah, I know." The people close to me in my life had already bludgeoned me over the head with their "discovery" of my issue(s)/disorder. But I kept mum to verify via a professional (several professionals, actually).

I appreciate the acknowledgement. It just lets me know that some people are here for reasons other than to tear other people down.

As far as "discovery" of issues - are you saying that friends/family thought they had you diagnosed before the doctors? The only reason I'm asking is b/c I took a beating from friends, but nobody had anything to offer other than the fact that I was a $h!t friend who lives in "Cynthialand." It all makes sense NOW but for years I just beat myself up that I was this horrible person never realizing I was a person in desperate need of help.

I guess I should add here something I hadn't really thought of before until tonight... I wonder if I hadn't been dx'd by my therapist with BPD, would I still be in DBT? After all she is the one who set the whole thing up for me. I am pretty sure the only people allowed in the group I attend are people with BPD although they still do not say it on paper for any of us, it's a long process getting in and you must meet a lot of requirements.

So just thought I'd say maybe some people would be a disadvantage if they weren't offered DBT because of not having a BPD dx or even speculation of it.

Text from T. Still not sure where this bus is headed but I am glad I have him for the ride.

"Hi C. Please know that I respect and appreciate your goal of increasing feelings of belonging. I agree that this is a core issue. That is the reason I brought up regulating your affect as a goal that will not only motivate an end result of a deepening sense of belonging, it will also serve to deal with a host of other issues as they come up including issues related to your diagnosis. What this means is that you would come to session and talk about whatever you wanted and I would work with you on uncovering your emotions so that you could feel more safe in certain situations as well as discovering a lot more about yourself and how are you organizing your behavior which we do unconsciously, which is why it makes it so difficult to change our behavior."

As I read this it seems kinda crazy that I need someone to help me uncover my emotions, but then again, I think I sort of flip the switch to anger rather quickly so who knows what was supposed to be there first - ya know?

Makes perfect sense. Primary and secondary emotions, you know? I used to convert all of my sadness/pain to anger, which is maybe what you do as well? Or something similar. So fast you don't even known what the original emotion was. And I don't know about you, but I used to have a lot of trouble even figuring out what I truly felt about anything. Too much noise and interference, trouble recognizing it. Even now, sometimes I need a lot of silence to figure it out.

You're most welcome. I'm here for support and to support others. I wish everyone could be here for the same reasons, mostly, but...well.

Yes - romantic partners, actually. I am very familiar with being "the difficult one" who is just a PITA to everyone.

TL;DR version of the story: I was with one girl who was heavily into reading up on disorders and she pointed to the definition of BPD one day and said that it was what I had. Needless to say, I was extremely offended and dismissed it (it wasn't very credible coming from her, IMO). But later, another partner said she had been doing some reading and wondered if I didn't have BPD. Both very upset and unsettled, I told her (after I calmed down) that my ex had said the same thing about me. It was only later when I went back into therapy that I was diagnosed with it (the last time I had seen a therapist before that was when I was 14/15).

My family never figured out what my deal was, thankfully. To this day I have never told them, and I never will. It would just be something to use against me, something to invalidate my feelings and thoughts with (just like my ex did). As a matter of fact, I don't tell ANYONE in my life anymore about my BPD for that very reason. Only one person in my life now knows about it, and that's only because she has been around for a while and learned about it back when I was more open with people.

For me, it's been one diagnosis after another. I'm planning on therapy for the long haul this time - probably because I'm secure that I finally found the right therapist.

First it was dysthymic, then Major Depression, then ADHD, then Bipolar. Now I'm just waiting on BPD. Even without the diagnosis I can definitely see some of the traits in myself.

When I first started reading about ADHD I read something about "blink". Basically someone is talking and you just completely, yet involuntarily, zone out.

Reading your experience reminded me of one of my own which at THAT time I chalked up to blinking since it was the only thing I had to go on at the time. Now I wonder if it isn't tied to other dysfunctions in my psyche.

I was having a convo with a friend when they said to me, "If I have a problem, I don't come to you. You never listen to what I have to say."

You do not want to hear this from one of your best, oldest friends. I reached out to another friend basically expressing the hurt at that comment. These two are also old friends - I introduced them to each other. The response I got was, "Well you don't listen. You're always off in Cynthialand."

So I went to a friend outside of the circle - someone only I was close to who basically confirmed what they said and I was still in denial thinking she was just jumping on the bandwagon.

So I went to another friend Cara, God Bless her. I said, "Do you feel like I don't listen to you when you talk?"

She said, "Sometimes, but that's OK, because I totally do that to you too!" LOL. She's ADHD also.

But I recently had some difficulty with one of those friends b/c we didn't spend Thanksgiving together. She's all the "family" I have down here and I'm always with her and her family for the holidays UNLESS they have gone out of town or something. And the icing on the cake was to find out that she had cancelled her plans to go elsewhere (long story) and stayed home and had another friend (I introduced them) over, but b/c that friend and I had a falling out, she didn't want to make either one of us uncomfortable she didn't invite me. The reason she had the other friend was b/c that friend had invited HER to Thanksgiving, but they were all going to do something else. When she had to change plans I was the one who never got an invite and I was DEVASTATED.

Basically, in my no shades of gray it was:

She stayed home
She didn't invite me
She invited my ex friend who I had only recently stopped talking to because she verbally attacked me and ex friend ADMITTED that she had verbally attacked me
She betrayed me
The end.

She got mad that I was laying guilt on her ("I didn't know I had to check with you before I made plans") but it took me forever to get her to see that whatever her reasons for doing it, SHE HURT ME.

Seriously hoping to pull my life together with therapy. Kinda missing my therapist. Can't wait til Weds.

I'm sure it's disconcerting. I never like when they have something new to add to the list of "what is wrong", lol. There are some other things (depression, anxiety, OCD, etc), but I usually just talk about the BPD and depression, I guess.

Traits of BPD can still cause major issues in life, for sure.

That's very interesting. Yes, the times I've had that happen to me were times I dissociated. Very strange feeling, losing the connection with the outside world.

Ouch!! No, I imagine not. I wish they had explained that a bit better or said it more gently. I also would have been very hurt if I had been in your shoes.

It's the worst way to find out things about yourself, but I suppose it's the people who are closest who notice our issues the most. I'm glad Cara was more understanding and compassionate about it.

I can imagine!! You must have felt so abandoned and rejected. What a horrible feeling. Especially around the holidays. I don't know about you, but being alone on the holidays - especially when deliberately excluded from something - makes me feel unspeakably awful.

I see that as a betrayal, too. And she obviously thought of the other friend's feelings (it would make her uncomfortable), so what happened to thinking about yours? Ugh.

Then she reacts with anger and being snarky? That's not good. You know...we doubt ourselves and our perceptions a lot, but there are plenty of times when we're dead on about a situation being wrong or a person fvcking up. I'm so sorry that things went that way and that you were betrayed by someone you cared about and trusted.

Sometimes I seriously don't know what to do about life, and I wonder if any amount of therapy will make it seem less WTF-do-I-do-with-this. I hope your therapist is more helpful to you than some of mine have been!

Disassociating is a new word for me. I wouldn't call it that, but maybe you would. Of course my black/white thinking is always extremes so when I think dissociating I am literally thinking of Dissociative Personality Disorder or something.

To be fair my friend didn't want to make EITHER of us uncomfortable she said, though honestly she should have thought better b/c it was a spat with my friend. My friend was an ahole that day but she also happens to be one of the kindest most generous people I know so it wasn't hard to see that given the opportunity it would blow over. She has a table of mine and I told her I'd come get it and give her the key to her gym and that's all it took for her to apologize for being a b!tch. As far as her getting snarky, it really did start after my, "Well at least I know where I stand" comment.

Well as I said this is a new bout of therapy for me. Previously it was always situational. Dealing with my mother after I had my son and was still living at home. Boyfriend problem. Marriage problem. Separation problems. Learning to cope with ADHD. It was always something specific. Even this time I just showed up because I had been depressed and showed up here. Took that test which highlighted BPD above ALL ELSE. That was the kicker that drove me back to therapy.

I always thought talking about childhood etc. was all sorts of Freud stuff. Being ADHD I just want my answers and I want them NOW! But he set the pace by actually giving me homework about my childhood and stuff. I NEVER took the time to look at how that actually may have affected me. It's kind of funny but even as a kid I sort of felt "grown up." My Dad died when I was 13 and it took hearing it from my therapist to realize that that was a tragedy that would most definitely impact my life. I never thought about that loss. I thought about how it caused my mother to go off the rails, but I never even considered the loss itself.

I've only been in therapy since early October I think it was. And I only picked this place because I did a search for DBT in my area and made sure they took my insurance. Had no idea WHO I was going to get but I think he is absolutely what I need right now so for that I'm grateful.

Funny thing is after I left our first meeting I seriously had my doubts lol. I don't know what I expected, but apparently he did not live up to those expectations. But at the very least, in recent years, I learned to not to quickly jump ship. And I'm glad, because by the 2nd session he showed me that he really does CARE. I haven't PAID anything yet lol. That's kind of making me a little anxious but when I brought it up he just said, "We'll work something out." That plus telling me I could text, just shone a light on him that I never had with another therapist and for that I'm grateful.