Distress Tolerance...

Hi Everyone,
Some quick info on me-I was diagnosed with BPD 2 years and have been doing DBT. I started a slow taper off anti-depressants in May and have been completely off them for about a month (still getting withdrawal symptoms though! ). I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with my first child. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped taking my ADHD medication. So, I basically have a completely new brain...hormones and all.

I have found it's been difficult. I am so happy to be pregnant, but I have suffered from very bad morning sickness and fatigue. So, with the sickness, fatigue, withdrawal and hormones...let's just say I have been a little "touchy" at times.

I have been going back over my DBT skills, and have been practicing mediation and mindfulness and going through the DBT Skills Workbook. I just find I am really struggling with anger outbursts. Like I go full-on break stuff-curse like a sailor, crazy...and it sometimes happens at work (in my office where hopefully nobody can hear me). This morning I had someone book me a client earlier than I like and it was for something I hate to have to deal with with (I am an Employment Counsellor and some cases are harder than others-I was anticipating this to be a very hard one). I could not get over what a "waste of time" it was going to be and I totally lost it. I was swearing, threw a few pens etc (again nobody saw it). I was sure the client would be a jerk and I wouldn't be able to help him-but he was great and I was totally able to help him (this happens over and over and over again with me and now I feel like an idiot. I heard my wise mind saying "you have nothing to base your assumption that this will be a bad appointment on, and you know you always anticipate the worse and most of the time it's fine" but I just couldn't seem to calm myself down. It was like anger was a speedometer and I went from 0 to 100 in a few seconds and I just couldn't take my foot off the gas. I went into the washroom and swore and *****ed and moaned about it to myself to try to get the anger out, but it just stayed. I tried breathing etc...but nothing worked.

I am finding I get so angry like this. As I mentioned before I am going through the DBT skills book again. I know it talks about ways to sooth etc...but I don't know...when I get like this the anger just takes over. I feel like right now I just have to go back over so many things.

Does anyone else experience this and if so, have you found strategies to help? Do you think increases my mindfulness, mediating and all that will help me not to flip out like this?

It scares me because this is how I always knew my "depression" was getting worse...I would have these outbursts. My psychiatrist believes I do not need medication, that DBT is what will help this. Perhaps I just need to be more disciplined now that I am unmediated and hormonal.
Thanks for your help

Hope you are happy about the child you are bringing into the world. I can see there are some stressors in your life. It is not easy dealing with them especially at work.

I have tried cursing and getting mad but I usually feel worse, so I have tried to make other adjustments in my life.

One thing I found is I was not getting enough sleep so I started having naps or going to bed earlier.

Another thing I found was that when I try to go too long in between meals, I get more angry as my blood sugar drops and my body goes into fight mode to avert the threat that low blood sugar represents.

For me the changes involved having protein with every meal or snack and not going more than 3 hours without a small protein snack or meal. I found reducing carbs and eliminating sugar helped stabilize my moods.

Another thing I had to do is give up trying to fulfill the expectations of perfection that my parents set for me. Without those unrealistic expectations my disappointments were at a more manageable level.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

Thanks for your reply :-)

I am so happy about being pregnant and so excited to become a mom. I of course have fears about it and what I really don't want is to ever be like this around my child. That's why I am really focusing on getting myself together right now (also because it's not good for me or the baby to get worked up like this).

I think blood sugar actually has a lot to do with it. I have always had issues with hypoglycemia and find now that I need to eat a lot of protien, and quite often. Maybe it's having more to do with things than I am realizing?

I am going to keep at the DBT stuff. I am trying to be find to myself and realize that I am living with quite a different brain right now. The key thing is I know how I want to behave and maybe by continuing to practice the DBT skills I will eventually get to where I want to be.

Go to your happy place!!! Maybe watch a cat video, squeeze a stress ball, stroke something soft and furry? Something active but that feels good and is totally distracting? Something that smells really good or a kind of music that makes you laugh? I like marching band music played by classical guitars - it sounds entirely ridiculous. Guitars just cannot get that excited - but boy do they try .

Well you seem to feel the things mentioned as probable. The depression and anxiety chats are for anyone to attend - if it is a supportive group you want I highly recommend these.

Thursday 9PM EST Depression Chat
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