[cryingontheinside]

I'm really struggling with day to day life and having BPD. Everything is a struggle and anxiety is constant except when I sleep. I would sleep all the time if I could.

Those thoughts are coming back. That I don't want to be hear , that I wish that I was dead.

BPD is affecting my life and taking over. I will never have a normal life . how does having BPD affect you ?

I'm getting strong suicidal thoughts too. I don't think I'll act on them, I just feel so miserable

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[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I'm really struggling with day to day life and having BPD. Everything is a struggle and anxiety is constant except when I sleep. I would sleep all the time if I could.

Those thoughts are coming back. That I don't want to be hear , that I wish that I was dead.

BPD is affecting my life and taking over. I will never have a normal life . how does having BPD affect you ?

I'm getting strong suicidal thoughts too. I don't think I'll act on them, I just feel so miserable

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I feel like I'm sinking into the void to be very honest. Aside from the awful separation anxiety and panic attacks, I feel empty and without any sense of direction. Like you, I get those intrusive suicidal thoughts and despite doing everything I can to distract myself from them, they pop right back into my head. I always have a difficult time understanding how other people could possibly like me in anyway because I find myself to be an awful, pathetic person. And just like you mentioned, I feel like I will also never live a normal life and that in itself makes me think "then what's the point of continuing if you know things won't ever change?" I'm sorry that you're also struggling so much. I'm sorry that I can't give proper advice.

Crying on the inside, i am sorry you feel the way you are. Feelings are just that and they can change or go away. I have depression and sleep all the time myself. I am trying to wake up and get out and do more things. Having a group of friends or a support group near you would be the best, where you are not judged and loved for who you are. If you can get a peer support group of some kind where you live, possibly through community action through your drs office that would be great. Yes, life is hard, for all of us. I know the hardest is our thoughts that sabotauge us. You just hang in there and keep posting, and you will get past this moment in time. that is what we are here for, you... (((hugs)))

[kamikazebaby]

Pastel & Crying, I very much relate. I always feel like I'm not beautiful enough to live, no one will ever love the real me, I'm going to lose this fight someday, everything is worthless/meaningless/pointless, everything is a lie, nothing lasts or remains stable, this never goes away, I don't belong here, etc. It makes it tough to even want to try. I fight being absorbed by the void almost constantly.

Ideas of "not being judged, loved for who you are" seem like the most impossible, alien thing to me. Like talking about living on a planet in another solar system.

[Fuzzybear]

((((( coti )))))
I do think that "normal" is over rated
But I pretty much get where you're coming from Sending safe supportive hugs

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by kamikazebaby

Pastel & Crying, I very much relate. I always feel like I'm not beautiful enough to live, no one will ever love the real me, I'm going to lose this fight someday, everything is worthless/meaningless/pointless, everything is a lie, nothing lasts or remains stable, this never goes away, I don't belong here, etc. It makes it tough to even want to try. I fight being absorbed by the void almost constantly.

Ideas of "not being judged, loved for who you are" seem like the most impossible, alien thing to me. Like talking about living on a planet in another solar system.

People are always telling me to stop worrying about what other people think but it's impossible because I feel that the entire world is judging me harshly for even small "mess ups" like not doing my hair correctly or not posting on facebook enough and a whole bunch of ridiculous stuff that no one cares about, probably...but then when I come to the realization that they probably don't care, I feel that pang in my chest and think that nobody cares about me as a result. It feels like everyone around me is moving forward with their lives while I'm stuck in this rut.

[avlady]

i spent alot of time in high school worrying what others would think of me. i'm 55 now and it seems pretty ridiculous to me that i wasted all that time worrying about such things, now that it doesn't matter anymore.

[cryingontheinside]

Thank you everyone for your post and I'm so sorry you all are suffering too but I'm glad you shared how your feeling and and how having BPD affects you.

I hope things will get better for us all.

Love, light and peace

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