[dahlianoire29]

I had no idea where to post this, but here goes...
I'm feeling lonely.... I'm not in love with my fiance anymore and what makes matters worse, I'm in a new state with him away from friends and family. He has started a million fights with me since we moved a month ago and has left me mentally drained...doesn't help that no matter how much he tries, he doesn't understand and probably will never understand my disorder no matter how much I tried to help him understand (my BPD was on check before I met him and for the past two years, it has gone downhill). I soon realized that he's a spoiled, only child who seems to have no idea what hardship is, he has anger problems and most likely a mental disorder that he has yet to see a therapist about (at LEAST for his anger issues). He is an emotional vampire that goes into scary, violent fits (with himself.... Such as throwing himself on the floor like a child having a tantrum..which is insane), or finds every single thing I say offensive when all I'm trying to do is have a rational, adult conversation (therapy has taught me to not match the other person's anger or irrational reactions), but he just constantly is oversensitive about things other couples discuss. He obviously needs help, but I'm done helping him. He gets overly jealous and needy so I feel like I can't have friends, he's constantly paranoid about people stealing his stuff, etc.... I can go on all day . I wish the world was perfect and I could easily leave him but 1) I would be homeless and I don't want to go to a shelter 2) He's always threatening to hurt himself. I don't know if this is some type of sick Karma from when I used to drive guys crazy with my BPD, but now it's not fair I should be dealing with this. I feel alone right now....

[LadyShadow]

I am so sorry you feel so alone. Is there anyway, you can go back to your home state with your family? I know that might not be an option, but you can't stay where you are if you're this unhappy.

I don't know what else to say so I will just offer all the hugs I can give

[dahlianoire29]

Thank you so much for ur reply Lady... Thank you so much for ur hugs... I appreciate it. I wish I could but I feel too old to move back home (I'm 30) and also my mother is pretty much a saint and she has already rescued enough siblings in her house. I really don't want her to worry about me. This would all be shocking to them cuz he's so nice to them, but if they only knew there is some underlying illness beneath that kindness. His family has a history of mental illness and no one is more understanding than me, but I'm no doctor. I'm gonna have to either walk him into therapy myself or save money to move out..

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

I am so sorry you feel so
alone. Is there anyway, you can go back to your home state with your family? I know that might not be an option, but you can't stay where you are if you're this unhappy.

I don't know what else to say so I will just offer all the hugs I can give

[LadyShadow]

Well you see that's good you have a plan! That's awesome!

You gotta start somewhere, but if he doesn't want the therapy or gives you a hard time about it, just save till you can leave.

Even more hugs to you!

[dahlianoire29]

Thank you so much ... Yes, Hopefully he stops making a illion excuses not to go to therapy ("I'm tired", "I am exhausted from work" "I haven't paid my insurance", etc). Hopefully he gets help soon....because I recognize a lot of disastrous behavioral problems in him--- because I used to do the same things years ago..

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Well you see that's good you have a plan! That's awesome!

You gotta start somewhere, but if he doesn't want the therapy or gives you a hard time about it, just save till you can leave.

Even more hugs to you!

[LadyShadow]

You know what they say about Karma! I know what you mean though. That's tough. Hopefully he gets the help he needs soon!

I don't think I could ever be with someone who had a mental illness that was untreated. I have my own crap to deal with ya know? And besides that would just make it difficult for both of us....

[dahlianoire29]

Exactly! Cuz for one, he lives in dire fear of having a mental disorder like his parents and brothers, and two he doesn't even understand my own mental disorder...he was just taught to ignore his problems while I was taught to deal with mine. So you're right, it def is hard for two people with issues... But I've had yeaaaarrssss of therapy and he has zero which worries me.... And he's 36 already so I don't know....I heard it's harder to treat an older person cuz they're so set in their ways.

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

You know what they say about Karma! I know what you mean though. That's tough. Hopefully he gets the help he needs soon!

I don't think I could ever be with someone who had a mental illness that was untreated. I have my own crap to deal with ya know? And besides that would just make it difficult for both of us....

[LadyShadow]

Yeah I know what you mean, I have been in therapy for yeeearrrs too. I don't know, it may or may not be the case with him once he is "in" the therapy he may have a breakthrough? I don't know that just may be me being hopeful for you!

But once the s**tt hits the fan he will find out, I just hope its nothing too drastic that you both can't recover from. I have lost people in my life due to my bipolar disorder so I know what its like....

[dahlianoire29]

Oh trust me, I sympathize with him wholeheartedly because like you, I have lost ppl too.... But with therapy, I learned what not to do to scare ppl away.... Like I said, maybe it's Karma, because now I feel like he's scaring ME away... I know I shouldn't diagnose ppl but from his temper tantrums and his constant paranoia that ppl are gonna steal from him or that guys are looking at me in the street or his fearing that I hate him sounds very paranoid to me... He could even have more than one disorder for all I know... All I know is that his behavior is scary sometimes.... I always feel like he's gonna kill himself....

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Yeah I know what you mean, I have been in therapy for yeeearrrs too. I don't know, it may or may not be the case with him once he is "in" the therapy he may have a breakthrough? I don't know that just may be me being hopeful for you!

But once the s**tt hits the fan he will find out, I just hope its nothing too drastic that you both can't recover from. I have lost people in my life due to my bipolar disorder so I know what its like....

[LadyShadow]

That is scary! If I were you I would try extra extra hard to get him into therapy. But honestly there is just SO much you can do for a person. If he keeps putting it off and torturing you it may be time to pack up and go.

I do hope for the best though and everything works out for the two of you.....

[dahlianoire29]

Thank you so much for you're help!! Thank u so much for listening


[QUOTE'S=LadyShadow;5102777]That is scary! If I were you I would try extra extra hard to get him into therapy. But honestly there is just SO much you can do for a person. If he keeps putting it off and torturing you it may be time to pack up and go.

I do hope for the best though and everything works out for the two of you.....[/QUOTE]

[LadyShadow]

Anytime! If you ever need to talk PM me sometime, if you just want company or just to talk about whatever. I am usually on late nights.

I really hope things work out!!!