[shezbut]

I read about this the other evening ~ sounds a lot like me. Did anyone else relate to this article?

Are Trust Issues Ruining Your Life? | Dysfunction Interrupted

Is their any hope for us???

[MobiusPsyche]

I think you have to practice giving trust to others in small ways and build up over time. I'm trying that with my T, now. Too much, too soon spells trouble. But yes I can totally relate!

[Anrea]

I can relate. There is always hope, but implementation is much harder. I think having been hurt, we never unlearn the circumstances, and always watch for similar signs.

However, my idea to throw away a relationship at the first few signs of trouble went into over drive after first divorce. First marriage taught me that marriage is rarely forever. So, I lacked the same total commitment after that.

If my current husband had listened to me when I told him to leave if he didn't like __ whatever__ the issue was, but he didn't. Oh, twice he was going to pack, but I didn't let him. However, this year will be the 9th since we met, and we are p___ (okay, I am saying pretty much past - but I think without trust issues I would say past).

So we are pretty much past these fears. However for me, I will never be 100 percent certain that this future is secure. Oh, maybe in another 10-20 years I won't still hesitate at times.

I know my husband and I really want to be old together. We talk about it. He has clearly not left me, and been through really rough trust issues with me. Serious crazy times those first oh, 6-7 years. But, he is still here.

So, for me, the relationship has lasted because of his weathering the storms. I really don't think most men would have stayed with me.

My advice for people, pick a mate who can separate their emotions from what is happening and look at you objectively, and accept you. Not someone who gets caught up in the tidal waves.

But then - everyone is different. GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL! Hugs.

[Fuzzybear]

Yeah I used to..

Not so much now. So IMO there is hope

Ps grrr.. Indeed, too much too soon is never Wise (especially with therapists in my experience, but I was unfortunate in the therapist I was referred to )

But in Reality, he was the unfortunate, in betraying my trust, or the beginnings of trust

Also, papa bear is a person with immense integrity. I clearly had some skills of discernment when we fell in love and got married... Although I had been brutally abused by some previous "boyfriends" - physically, sexually and psychologically

[-Astral-]

Am the other way around i trust people too much sometimes and that has lead to me
being abused as a child and as an adult as people can take advantage of those who have mental health issues or thoses who have learning disabilities

[shezbut]

Thank you all for responding to my question!

((MP)) ~ You are right. I am able to logically see that I need to go slowly. But, I still seem to be on overdrive emotionally, despite what my brain knows. I realllly need to work on getting back into "wise mind".

((((Anrea))))) ~ Things really went downhill after the end of my marriage as well. I was pretty decent and solid before that ended & I've been shaken down to my core ever since. In and out of an unhealthy relationship for the past 6 years ~ and the last year I have been going crazy! I am trying SO HARD to be a decent person, but I keep leaving a wreck in my wake. The past 4 months or so have been insane for me. I feel like a tornado of emotions all of the time.
Kudos to you and your 2nd husband for sticking through the rough times. It is darn hard! I currently have a new boyfriend who is madly in love with me, despite my crazy ride. A little bit of me hopes, just hopes, that maybe I can finally make it out of the tornado...and find some clear skies. He certainly deserves that. And while I've made some huge mistakes recently, maybe I deserve a little piece of clear skies too.

(((Fuzzybear))) I'm happy to hear that there's a little bit of hope out there for my future.

(((((Asphyxia))))))
I am sorry for the misery that you've had to go through recently. I hope that your world improves soon.