its happening again: splitting

I've never been one to have friends either. Some days I think it might be nice but like you said, it's hard to trust people. I suppose that sort of cynicism isn't conducive to friendship. I feel you. It seems I get 1 friend per decade. Everyone else is just an acquaintance.

You know you are talking yourself into all this worry and panic, right?

I know you're dealing with a disorder, and that's why you feel how you do.

Right now, this girl is your friend. Try to just relax about that.

Everybody will disappoint you in some way eventually. That really can't be helped. But, hopefully, they don't disappoint in such a deeply hurtful way that it crosses the line.

You have to have 'a line'. A measure of what disappointment is ok and what is not.

For example: Lots of times plans fall through. It's usually ok, and the plans are followed through again later. No big deal.

But sometimes, the disappointment is too much, like say a person ends up stealing something from you. Then, you get rid of the friend.

So, it's a balance of trust and keeping your guard up.

i just wanna see her and talk to her so i can know she ok...
and that she dont hate me... or that i didnt do something wrong...

so confused... dunno why she would ignore me or not talk or respond to me...
i thought we had a great day the other day together...

Whens the next time your planning to see her?

she said we could hang out maybe monday or tuesday... but im scared she dont want to now because she not talking to me... i dunno what i did wrong...

i cant understand why im so hurting over her... cause she not my love or girlfriend...

Well thats cool, what you planning on doing together?

i dunno.. just chill.. take a walk.. maybe drink a couple beers and play cards...
talk.. i dont have any money so i cant do any thing extravagant

but what if she doesnt wanna hang out.. i just have a bad feeling i dont know what it is...

im scared im get close to her and she will hurt me... im already hurting...

What do you guys usually talk about? Could you tell her your splitting? You dont have to tell her its her your splitting on, but it could be worth sharing with her, especially if she thinks she has BPD, maybe something worth getting off ypur chest, keeping it in is like drinking poison, those that care about you are usually willing to help, especially if theyve struggled with similar problems

Anyway, the fact that youve hung out before, shes still in vontact with you and wants to hang out are all good, positive signs of a relationship,

I sound all objective but i know how your feeling, i split all the time, its ****ing torture, like feeling your entire life falling apart, but it just means you care about this person- which is good! We're just a little more sensitive than most to these emotions so our brains go into overload, but shes still there, your still here, hold on to that.

what if she finds out and doesnt want to be friends anymore...

Didnt you guys meet at rehab? Kind of means you both already know your a little ****ed up, lol, just try to relax till you hang out again, watch a good movie, a ****** one, good music, draw, whatever

Yoi can pm me whenevr if you just want to talk ever

thanks..
yeah we met at rehab.. so she knows a little about me, we pretty much lived together for atleast 20 days..

i just dont wanna lose her as a friend... she's special and important to me..

Of course, just distract yourself until you meet up again - if someone continues to hang out with you after spending 20 days with you, they care about you, just remind yourself of these things, you can be cared about and it seems she does

i think i want a deeper relationship with her, but i dont think thats possible..
maybe thats why i feel so mixed up... because im afraid she's going to reject me and stop talking to me if she finds out how i feel... but i dont even know how i feel currently... just that i like her, we have a lot in common and seem to be able to get along and talk pretty well

my last relationship was a long distance thing for 4 years and she manipulated me and played mind games with me the whole time...

but maybe i dont want a relationship with her and its just that she giving me attention when i dont get much attention from anyone...?

i really like her... i dont wanna lose her, as a friend or more...

should i be honest and forthcoming? and just talk to her about it..?
tell her im experiencing splitting and i dont want her to get mad at me and stuff..?

im afraid.. i dont think i can do it...
i don't want to lose her, but i have to talk to her about it.. but i dont think i can..

so scared... im going to ruin everything...

You been up the whole night?

uhmm .. i dunno.. i dont remember... i thought i slept.. but maybe someone else got up in my body...
im really tired...

i talked to her today... told her bout this stuff and im embarrassed really...
told her that i think im idolizing her and im really attracted to her right now you know..
because she has been really nice to me... but i know i genuinely care for her and like her too because we have a lot in common...

she said if she was looking for a relationship she would go with me... but she not looking for a relationship right now.. she just wants friends..
does that mean that some day our friendship can grow...? i just wanna be close to her right now, like NOW, you know?
its a feeling, desire, its burning... hurting.. i cant take it...

thats great! Takes some real courage to put yourself out there like that!

Just stop trying to take it 100 steps at a time, thats an amazing reaponse for someone to give you after reaveling something that personal, hold on to that and keep going

I can relate to this ,I have struggled with friendships my whole life .

((((( elevatedsoul )))))

I know how you feel too, I have faith that everything will be okay tho

By the way, I don't think this is exactly "splitting" as defined...

i dont either... i think i just started falling for a girl...
but i messed that up too, again...

now i cant stop crying and i have a doctors appointment in 2 hours...

I was confused in this post. I thought you were wanting a platonic friendship. But, were you wanting a romantic relationship with her?