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#1
Jun 23, 2017, 01:05 AM
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After my divorce, my ex husband told me he had researched about BPD online. He said that with the information he found from websites dedicated to those related to a person with BPD, were very informative to him. Namely, he said he read posts how you should completely avoid having a relationship with "these people" There are a lot of misunderstanding related to this diagnosis. And it appears that he found a way to use my diagnosis to free himself of any responsibility for the shattering of our marriage. Sadly, I have since cut him out of my life after he told me that if he had read these posting prior, he would have never tied the knot.
The reason I'm sharing this is because I took it upon myself to look at some of the sites out there that offer support such as BPD Family among others. What I read was shocking, misguided, and dare I say judgmental. I understand that loved ones need a space to vent their problems. Yet, it felt like BPD was being bashed, criticized and ridiculed. This let me to wonder, if people are gaining some sort of sadistic joy by being in a relationship with some one who is afflicted with the pain of BPD. In addition, I read a few posts about mothers who straight out said they hate their daughters and are contemplating cutting their own child out of their life due to frustration and anger. I felt that the website was toxic to my well being, so i had to exit and really process what i had read. Professional research has shown that environment, upbringing and other factors contribute to a person developing certain personality disorder traits. As a former therapist, I can also vouch for other professionals in the mental health community that dread working with BPD clients. This is one of the reasons that attributed to me leaving the mental health profession. Although I had known for years that I identified with symptoms of BPD, I felt some kind of relief as I know others have when actually being diagnosed. At the same time, it can also seem like a life sentence. In my experience, I have felt utter loneliness, guilt, rage. I have done some things that I regret to this day. It is unbelievable how our emotions can take such control. And right now I'm expressing my anger towards people who have little to no understanding about living with this illness, find it useful to go online and share their sob stories, and refuse to acknowledge the roles they have played in your life. And all the while, using the guise of "Concerned" family member, boyfriend, girlfriend, what have you. It's disheartening to have to deal with ill informed people in your life and be scrutinized for who you are, even though you may be seeking treatment and doing your best. I personally am dealing with this on a daily basis with my family. At times I feel like the only place that I can find solace is in a mental hospital. It might seem strange to have this thought, but in the confinement of a hospital stay, I feel it is a way to escape life momentarily when things become very unmanageable. I feel so betrayed by the way I have been treated, and the feeling of "no one understands" can be quite overwhelming. And to those of you who are dealing with someone who has BPD, consider coming to this forum since you are so concerned and overtly expressive about YOUR needs. If not, continue to make the Identified Patient's life more miserable, where you are both needlessly suffering and on the verge of destroying any further hope for your relationship with Thanks for reading. We are our own advocates when it comes to ourselves, the medical community, dealing with loved ones, and even in therapy sessions. |
 Anonymous52222, HALLIEBETH87, subtle lights
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 Lonlin3zz, lowpoint, subtle lights
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#2
Jun 23, 2017, 05:36 AM
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Hello Ofeelia, I see this is your first post so welcome to PC!
  I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to use the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with. I can certainly understand your frustrations regarding the stigma of this illness. I was diagnosed with BPD quite a few years ago, though I fortunately didn't deal with the symptoms that are the most stigmatized (fear of abandonment, extreme mood swings like rage, etc). Still, I did deal with some stigma from certain psychiatrists and it certainly didn't feel good! I no longer meet the criteria for BPD but even if I did, I'd probably keep my mouth shut about that diagnosis and just go with "depression and anxiety", because those two are more easily accepted and understood. |
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#3
Jun 23, 2017, 09:14 AM
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Sometimes, I think that freedom of a speech should be a right awarded only to those who are actually intelligent and can back up their "knowledge" with demonstrable evidence. If I had it my way, every single website that spreads lies and misinformation about ANY mental illness would be taken down or at least given a low priority by search engines.
Anyways, I have had to deal with enough needless hardship because of who I am. While I'm not a diagnosed BPD, I don't think that I want to get diagnosed for any personality disorder because of stupid people and their stupid judgements. Just do what I do and keep everything a secret from anybody that doesn't work extra hard to earn your trust. Anybody that hasn't known me for a long time seldom gets any insight into some of my "less socially acceptable" behaviors if you will. I just tell people that I'm a weirdo and be done with it lol. |
| adashofhope, lowpoint
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#4
Jun 23, 2017, 01:40 PM
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Quote:
There is an enormous need, I believe, for an advocacy organization for people with personality disorders, by people with personality disorders. Unfortunately, I think many of us don't work so well with other people and don't know well how to organize together! It seems like just trying to get together to do something like that might be a learning experience, though. Does that sound like a possibility to anybody here? Or just wildly unrealistic. I'm definitely willing to acknowledge I'm not perfect. And for me personally I can be mean and insensitive without knowing it sometimes, so I might need to be told -- if someone knows how to do that in a way that isn't rejecting and shunning, which even therapists these days don't seem to know how to do very well. I've been looking for it in the mental health system for years. People seems to think I'm nuts when I suggest it, even if to me it is rationally what I need. Does that make sense to anybody? Or is there something that you feel you need that someone (like me) who can turn their feelings off might be able to help you with? |
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#5
Jun 23, 2017, 03:46 PM
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Hi Ofeelia, thank you so much for your post, it's very relatable. And it's refreshing and also reassurring to read what you've written.
Almost no one in my life knows about my diagnosis, I've only told one friend...And this, after ten years of the first time I've been told I might have BPD, by my first therapist. Though I'm still sort of ambivalent about me having BPD, I've had the same reaction as you described...feeling the relief, after hearing it (for the second time in my life). I've somehow managed to maintain a relationship for nine years with my ex, and during that time I was relatively stable, but also my identity has been somehow merged together with his. This gave me safety. Now, after two years after the breakup I still don't know who I am, even though I try. BPD is just a way to describe the issues I'm going through, but it's helpful because I recognise myself and can relate to others. I can so much relate to what you said about sometimes feeling like the only place you could find solace would be a mental hospital. So much. Though when I really think about it, it scares me, because I'm very sensitive to the environment, and usually those places are not calm....But still, I have an image in my mind of a place I'd like to be sometimes, where I would be taken care of when I needed, where I could relate to others and would feel safe to "loose it"... |
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#6
Jun 25, 2017, 01:47 AM
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Hey guys,
In a bad place right now, so I'm glad I logged on to see your responses. Its bittersweet to know that others have had to deal with such judgments. I already judge myself enough as it is. As far as finding my identity after being in a stronghold of a relationship, I still struggle. The way I think about it is...How can I have a stable sense of self, when I have always look to others to feel whole. And when those people fail you, It really is a wake up call to do the work. Its so difficult when you are dealing with fluctuation of mood, negative thoughts and feeling impulsive. I cant say I know where I stand in this life. All I know is I struggle with self image and self esteem issues, which causes me to want to escape my reality. In escapism, I end up feeling even worse about myself. Its a vicious cycle to which I see no end. I'm in a DBT group for the second time around, and I feel like I'm just there. Reading the material in group, but then coming home to concepts that feel like an impossible feat. I will be posting something more personal tonight. Feeling a bit scatter brained right now. Thanks again guys, and awareness, advocacy and educating oneself could prevent so much hurt. Maybe time are changing...We shall see. |
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#7
Jun 25, 2017, 01:52 AM
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Quote:
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| lowpoint
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#8
Jun 27, 2017, 12:19 AM
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I am fed up with this too. I think I have a new diagnosis and while I am trying my best to find ways to identify harmful thinking and behaviour and turn my life around, there's people posting that their ex wives, ex bf's etc ruined their lives and they had zero role in it and there is no cure and if you see it run as fast as you can.
Just as with any diagnosis, it is up to the individual to try to make the best of it. We didn't choose to have to deal with more than the average person. It makes me glad that the people who left me have shown their true colours. Has anyone dealt with this? One can make a choice to leave, but I don't get this mentality of kicking someone who is down already. |
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#9
Jun 27, 2017, 05:44 PM
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I have, every time I go to the ER.
I haven't told anybody about it, but it's on my medical records. I also have bipolar, which makes it even more fun when I'm deeply depressed and suicidal. |
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#10
Jun 28, 2017, 07:03 AM
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Quote:
Hugs 
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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