[subtle lights]

Does anyone else have this constant feeling?

Like there is this inner force that doesn't let me do things. "I'm not allowed". Feeling like someone has taken my powers away, some time ago.

This inner powerlessness. The first time I became aware of this feeling was in my teens, I became very depressed and constantly felt powerless.
And I'm in my thirties, and still.
It doesn't work to just "get over it".

And I wish I knew how did this happen? Otherwise I just blame myself, that I'm inherently fearful and powerless. Like I just give my potenials away because of, I don't know, stupidity and laziness.

[elevatedsoul]

Mmhmm....

[Skeezyks]

Oh yes... this is something I'm intimately acquainted with. I'm 69 years young now! And all of my life (& even now) I feel as though I cannot be the person I really am. I'm not allowed. (I don't even allow myself much less anyone else.) In fact, I don't even know who that person would be.

Every once in a while, I get this surge of emotion & I think... screw everything & everybody... I'm going to finally at long last become the real me! But then I come back down to reality & realize how unrealistic that is & how I don't even know who I would be if I did that. So then I just forget about it again.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Oh yes... this is something I'm intimately acquainted with. I'm 69 years young now! And all of my life (& even now) I feel as though I cannot be the person I really am. I'm not allowed. (I don't even allow myself much less anyone else.) In fact, I don't even know who that person would be.

Every once in a while, I get this surge of emotion & I think... screw everything & everybody... I'm going to finally at long last become the real me! But then I come back down to reality & realize how unrealistic that is & how I don't even know who I would be if I did that. So then I just forget about it again.

Yeah, I can totally relate

[subtle lights]

I'm really curious though, what had actually happend that made me this way? That gave me this constant inner censorship? Or was I just born this way? Hard to believe...

You say you feel an inner powerlessness, and that you experience inner censorship. Can you explain this more? Like how do you censor yourself? I am really interested in knowing what your experience is because I often have difficulty expressing how I feel. Take care.

[Unrigged64072835]

I was taught to be powerless by my parents and other adults in my life. I internalized that process and it became my inner critic. Some parts of it are true, though. I am powerless to change how other people feel or think. I can only control my reactions to those things. I can try to persuade them, but I can't jump into their head and flip the switch.

I've slowly been working on allowing myself to do things I wasn't allowed to before, like write poetry about my life. I think self-love and self-care play into it a bit.

[Lonlin3zz]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I'm really curious though, what had actually happend that made me this way? That gave me this constant inner censorship? Or was I just born this way? Hard to believe...

What is the blindfold that blocks your vision?

[Ofeelia]

I'm trying to understand this..Sometimes stress gives us a fight or flight feeling. I know that some days, I feel paralyzed. I stay in bed, I find it so overwhelming to explain myself to others. It is as if I'm stuck in one of those nightmares where you lose your voice. What I found helpful was reading the work of David Smail, rest his soul, who published a lot of different articles online on how to deal with powerlessness. He focuses less on conventional therapy and more on power, responsibility and freedom. Just google David Smail. Let me know what you think, if you do. Good luck

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz

What is the blindfold that blocks your vision?

This is a tough question...there is a lot of fear and I can't see through it

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by ~Tsunami

You say you feel an inner powerlessness, and that you experience inner censorship. Can you explain this more? Like how do you censor yourself? I am really interested in knowing what your experience is because I often have difficulty expressing how I feel. Take care.

For example I'm thinking of getting a tattoo but I just feel I'm not allowed to do it, like I am ashamed to do it and it's not because I think tattoos are shameful it's because I feel I'm not allowed, I don't have the right.
Or I feel an inner bock of even thinking about what I would like, who I am.
Sometimes it's just a feeling like "don't even try to think for yourself, you're not allowed, so rather just don't".
It's like a constant bully in my head that laughs at you while keeping you down.
Hard to explain.

[elevatedsoul]

i think you should do it, when i get the money im gonna get a tattoo to cover my scars

my family are like against marking the body, but they dont know that im a cutter (well they have found out but due to their ignorance probably have fogotten and not caring) so ive already marked the body so i just gotta cover it up more with a more acceptable mark now

im trying to teach myself to not give a **** about what other people think, dont care about other peoples opinions, my opinion is the only one that matters because my feelings are important to me and other people dont give a damn about my feelings

so why should i let them rule me and my feelings

the inner critic must die, im on a war path to seek and destroy him.......

re-writing my inner core, im being re-programmed

[elevatedsoul]

i know what you mean though, i fight it all day every day...

damn it

[subtle lights]

I'm afraid that if I stop caring so much what others think I'll be left alone and people will abandon me

[elevatedsoul]

yeah but aren't we alone anyway?

i feel alone, so alone

[Lonlin3zz]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

Does anyone else have this constant feeling?

Like there is this inner force that doesn't let me do things. "I'm not allowed". Feeling like someone has taken my powers away, some time ago.

This inner powerlessness. The first time I became aware of this feeling was in my teens, I became very depressed and constantly felt powerless.
And I'm in my thirties, and still.
It doesn't work to just "get over it".

And I wish I knew how did this happen? Otherwise I just blame myself, that I'm inherently fearful and powerless. Like I just give my potenials away because of, I don't know, stupidity and laziness.

Reason like this is why, I am not comfortable with communicating with certain people in my life. But I am more comfortable sharing my life thoughts with people who wants to listen or when they are actively encouraging me to be better everyday at life.

I feel oppressed, in subconscious way.

When I got to buy clothings, I find clothes that are comfortable for me but lose appeal for it. When I go shopping with other friends/sibling, I ask for their opinion and I feel they come across as "controlling" sometimes.

Most importantly, I feel i'm under control by my parents who somehow "determine" how my future will be like, judging from their authoritative tone.

[nicoleflynn]

Probably someone (parents) gave you that message, and it is a lie....sadly as adults, we need to fight those old tapes. You are in charge of YOU and no one can tell you what you should do.

[Pastel Kitten]

I can relate. I actually end up feeling guilty for making decisions for myself sometimes too.

Yesterday my boyfriend wanted to go to the pool with me but I didn't feel like it. I felt really guilty about it, even though I know logically I'm allowed to make my own decisions and don't have to do what other people want to do.

There are many things I feel I'm not allowed to do for myself but I try really hard to fight against it and do it anyway. Of course if I'm in a really self-hating mood on a certain day, this becomes even harder.

I've always been told by professionals that I have incredible difficulty relaxing and I bet this has to do with why. I feel like I'm not allowed to relax or let my guard down. Probably because I couldn't do that in childhood.