[MiaToo]

Hi everyone...

This is my first post here. I'm sorry to dump, I just don't know where to turn or what to do.
I'm just lost when it comes to what I'm supposed to do. I feel like it doesn't matter what I do... If I just let my emotions go, if I entirely cut them away, if I work my little bum off going through a year of DBT and use every possible skill I've learn...

It doesn't matter who I talk to... Why is the response I get from every single person in my life when I'm struggle even in the slightest that "I don't know how to be there for you when you're like this".

I just feel so alone and so helpless... And it all makes me feel so worthless and incapable.

Does any of this make sense? Is any of it valid at all? Is there any advice anyone can offer to help or offer some hope?

I appreciate anything anyone can offer.
Mia

[LittleEarthquakes]

I'm sorry you've been going through this. I have had people tell me they don't know what to do for me and similar.

I have expressed to my therapist several times that I feel like no matter what I do it doesn't really change how I feel but she kinda just tells me that's my thought process and not a feeling and I need to change my thoughts. I guess that may be accurate but it feels invalidating.

Do you enjoy your DBT group? Is there anyone there you're able to relate to? I have been trying to find a group to go to in my area, I think it would help me to have somewhere to go at least.

[cryingontheinside]

Welcome to PC . you will find a lot more people who understand here .

My family used to think I was lazy and that really upset me . now most of my family understand how serious my problems are . I don't know what made them understand but I'm glad they finally do . of course there are still a lot of people out there who don't understand me . its not a good feeling .

[MiaToo]

Thank you so much for your response.

I am right there with you. I've been trying to work so hard checking to make sure that my feelings and my actions "fit"and are appropriate to the situation... And my therapist and partner certainly specially focus on me using this skill... And it's find in so much as it usually stops me from some sort of impulsive reaction, but it just feels so suffocating and exactly what you said, totally invalidating.
And then I feel, even if it's just towards myself, so upset about being dismissed. I'm told it's just a normal feeling while learning impulse control, but I don't know...

I'm really glad you're searching out a group. So many people I've talked to have found it so helpful. I guess I'm still at a bit of a point where I can't get out of my head to really connect or be present enough for it to really be helpful, but it's a work in progress. Good luck, if you do end up trying one out. I'll be sending you positive vibes!

[MiaToo]

Thank you so much for the welcome and for voicing your understanding.
I'm super new to anything like this, so the support and encouragement really means a lot.

I'm really glad your family has gotten to a point where they understand you. That's so important. As for the other people, I'm really sorry. That's not right and not fair and while I know so many of us have these experiences every day, I don't think it is ever alright to normalize them.

Know I hear you, and I see you, and you're important, worthy and valid.

I hope your day is what you need.

[lucyjon]

I empathize, even with the few true friends I have, I hide my pain from them. I tend to keep to myself when I really need a shoulder to cry on. My mother passed away almost two years ago. A homeless woman I have grown to love as a step-daughter is dear to me. Three months ago she was with me and I started to mourn over my mother. I started crying in my step-daughter's shoulder and she told me to stop crying. That hurt so much that I have lost the ability to cry.

Remember you are not alone. I've been diagnosed with Borderline Schizotypal Personality Disorder. I know some people that know me may no longer want to be around me. It's ok. I am used to being alone. Just remember You are special, you have a purpose, and you are loved. Peace be with you

[LittleEarthquakes]

Originally Posted by lucyjon

I've been diagnosed with Borderline Schizotypal Personality Disorder. I know some people that know me may no longer want to be around me. It's ok. I am used to being alone. Just remember You are special, you have a purpose, and you are loved. Peace be with you

I'm diagnosed with Borderline-Avoidant Personality Disorder. I have like two friends. I like to share my pain with people I trust but that's really only my boyfriend and usually my mother.

[MiaToo]

Originally Posted by lucyjon

I empathize, even with the few true friends I have, I hide my pain from them. I tend to keep to myself when I really need a shoulder to cry on. My mother passed away almost two years ago. A homeless woman I have grown to love as a step-daughter is dear to me. Three months ago she was with me and I started to mourn over my mother. I started crying in my step-daughter's shoulder and she told me to stop crying. That hurt so much that I have lost the ability to cry.

Remember you are not alone. I've been diagnosed with Borderline Schizotypal Personality Disorder. I know some people that know me may no longer want to be around me. It's ok. I am used to being alone. Just remember You are special, you have a purpose, and you are loved. Peace be with you

I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story, your insight and your thoughts.

I feel like I'm on the other side of that spectrum... I don't remember the last time I didn't cry myself to sleep. I hope I have a purpose... It used to be all I clung too... It, through my career, was the one thing in my life I felt gave me worth... Now, I don't have it and I'm left trying to figure out how I have intrinsic worth... That's totally something I'm nowhere near figuring out but I'm told by my therapist I'm making progress towards that so that's a start.

Thank you for the thoughts and comfort though. They were so needed and so appreciated.

[Nennenn]

I feel the same way. And the reality is I don’t even know how to be there for myself when I feel this way. I’ve been lingering on the psychotic side of my spectrum for the last two years and he just isn’t working anymore. I started going to the therapist and all it has done is pointed out all the things that I always thought were just eccentric nennenn.

Sometimes I feel like the best thing they could do is just walk away and let me cope with it on my own. I mean I have been my whole life. Other times I just want my partner to hug me or hold me close and tell me or I’ll be OK. Of course the second he comes near me I want to shun him so there we are back-and-forth.

I am struggling a lot too and I don’t know what to say to myself either and certainly nothing anyone else will ever say will make it better. But I would like to offer you this but even when it seems the darkest at some point it will have to get better.

Originally Posted by MiaToo

Hi everyone...

This is my first post here. I'm sorry to dump, I just don't know where to turn or what to do.
I'm just lost when it comes to what I'm supposed to do. I feel like it doesn't matter what I do... If I just let my emotions go, if I entirely cut them away, if I work my little bum off going through a year of DBT and use every possible skill I've learn...

It doesn't matter who I talk to... Why is the response I get from every single person in my life when I'm struggle even in the slightest that "I don't know how to be there for you when you're like this".

I just feel so alone and so helpless... And it all makes me feel so worthless and incapable.

Does any of this make sense? Is any of it valid at all? Is there any advice anyone can offer to help or offer some hope?

I appreciate anything anyone can offer.
Mia