always in a crisis

Ya know,ES,if you place your posts in the proper forums you would probably get more responses,help and advice,rather than making your threads more like a personal diary.

There's so many different topics in this thread,all lumped together.Some could have been posted in the PTSD forum,some in addictions,some in relationships and communication,some in coping with emotions,etc.

Maybe you would do better to focus on one issue at a time,spend quality time finding solutions and tools that actually help you,then move on to the next issue?I only say this because threads like this don't seem to be very helpful for you at all.Someone offers you help and advice on something you post but then your next post is usually about something different.I get that you have so many different things going on,most of us do,but after awhile I think people just get tired of reading and responding to your threads because they're way too long and there's way too many different topics in them.

I don't mind the length as much as I mind the seeming pointlessness of offering advice. It's more like the posts are venting bc if you offer help, it either gets ignored, over looked, argued, or simply disregarded as "impossible".

So - I will listen, but my biggest advice will be to talk to a therapist.

I am sorry..
I try to use the other forums but i have focus problems.. im sorry..

I will get to my doctor tomorrow and try hard to explain..
And ask if T is there .. im just dissapointed... thought i was doing ok... now i have to stop everything... because its bad.. ****...

It's not "bad". Do not confuse my words. Neither venting nor asking for help is bad, but if you are going to ask for help you should be prepared to (a) try at least one piece of advice or (b) thank the advice givers but let them know you will be seeking advice elsewhere bc this particular advice was not advice you found would be beneficial to your situation.

Agreed. ^

I agree too!

Actually what I would love to read is a reply saying "I tried what you suggested and it really helped,thank you so much" just one time!

I am grateful for the help and attention received... very.

I have been attempting to impiment suggestions into this out of control manifestation that is called myself...
But i guess i am at the very early stages of recovery...
Not anywhere near as far as i thought...

I will continue trying.... i am hurting... but i am going to stay focused and try to stay sober...
Talk in therapy... dont rush things in any relationship... i just lose my sense if self of something.. boundaries.. i need to solidify myself through all interactions instead of being triggerrd...

The thing about being triggered is it IS gonna happen,you can't prevent it,you just learn ways to cope with it and manage symptoms when it does happen.Sure,some triggers can maybe be avoided but lots of times they can't be.

I suggest you read/post in the PTSD forum for help with it.

Okay thank you..

Oh,and I also suggest you don't wait until you have already been triggered to go there and read/post.There's quite a bit of helpful info there that you can learn from.

I don't always do it, but I am learning to pick myself up after episodes and move on.It does no good to beat myself up and dwell on those bad times after the fact.When you have PTSD,learning to deal with and manage triggers is just something that's necessary.It's not about never feeling bad,never getting triggered,never feeling depressed,anxious or even suicidal.PTSD doesn't go away so it's about managing it the same as learning to manage and deal with asthma,diabetes or any other illness.

It may not go away completely but it can get to a point that it only rarely affects you. That is the goal.

I agree,that's so true.

The main thing I was trying to stress to elevatedsoul was that he can't expect to try just a time or two and then feel hopeless because he's not completely better.That it takes managing symptoms over and over.

I have noticed that some things tha used to trigger me very horribly have become just like little glitches that don't last very long anymore.But it took alot of work and practice.Other things though,can still take me down so quickly.

Exactly.
For example with me even the faintest hint of a clap of thunder or a streak of lightening used to paralyze me - now I am able to overlook it, unless it is a really bad storm then my heart races n the memories flood in. However, if someone tries to joke with me, I am likely to simply fly off the handle at them or run away in tears. That's just two triggers - I have many others but those are the easiest to describe.

damn guys... this makes me feel sad

my ptsd is bad... they just dont realize how out of control i am yet i guess because i have built a way or designed a system to hide the chaos and pain and everything to seem normal and everything... i try talking about it and stuff and trying to explain things but i cant go so far too fast anyway because they dont listen to all of it...
ive tried many times

so this time its new people... and they dont know..
and im trying to just talk to them and let them get to know me... and see things their way... and hopefully i can try to talk about things that they are open about... if that makes sense'

im trying to work on things. i dont seem to be making progress... its like im just making the water muddy...

im scared i think
i dont want this, you know... its too much for me
i cant do all of this i dont think... all of the symptoms...
the work... dealing with people... relationships... myself... life...
its so hard, it just makes me scared cause ive been going to the place for 7 years like... and im getting like this... its worse..

thank you for the support, it is comforting..

I don't think it's so bad that you can't be helped though.It just takes time.

My PTSD has been extremely bad lately.I experienced a new trauma recently,close to 3 weeks ago.It was severe enough that it would/could cause PTSD if I didn't already have it.So I have been dealing with that,trying to process it.On top of it,the holidays are very triggering and depressing.This new trauma has been triggering memories of old traumas and the grand prize is a pretty significant trauma anniversary is coming up real soon this month.Oh,and there's a pretty major event coming up in about 10 days that I have to face and deal with that's going to have a huge impact on my daily life.

Things have been very rough,to say the least.And I have just been focusing on getting through each day.Some days are easier than others but they've all still been pretty rough.TBH,some days I think about killing myself,I just don't want to be alive anymore.Other days I feel like I'm just walking around in a daze,not sure of what to do with myself.

But I know all of this will eventually pass.And I use everything I have learned in therapy to help myself.I know my T's there for me if and when I need him and I know to go to the hospital if things get bad enough,which I have almost done a few times lately.I reach out when I need to instead of trying to go it alone.

The most important thing though,is to make sure I don't allow myself to wallow in self pity,which I could SO easily do with all of this going on at once.I can't let that happen though,I just gotta keep pushing through.

I guess this post ^^ was to show you that even if you may think you are the only one who struggles or has it bad,you're not the only one.

Sometimes letting a person know they "aren't alone" in how they feel is better than "offering solutions".

If you do ever need or want someone to talk to tho - my pm box us only a message away..

*hugs*

Sometimes - you just need to be blunt. I had to do that a few times. It's hard but it works. If they don't listen or you can't say - write it out n tell them to read.

Maybe its good its new ppl. Its a fresh start. These ppl may listen better. Maybe you will get better help. Give them a try. If you don't trust the place itself find a whole new place n try them out. But try ...

I know that's true,and I'm still surprised that I allowed my guard down enough to do it.I find it difficult to admit and share my own struggles with anyone other than professionals.I mean I do admit abd share but I almost always only give the bare minimum details.TBH,it actually felt good to just put it all out there like that.

I know it all goes back to my childhood. I had no choice but to find ways to cope,come up with solutions and take care of myself.That has been ingrained and why I offer solutions to others.

I am trying to stay focused, i am just a little heart broken too..
Im still sober.. only smoked weed and havnt had alcohol...

I want to get a car so i can get familiar with it.. then start practicing driving... and get my license...
Then i can go somewhere if i have gas..
Or get a job if they deny me on disability again,,,

Thank you guys... im gonna get my self out of this hole...
Its just painful and hard.. and im insecure and don't stand up much because im loke **** it i dont give a damn anyway say what you want as long as no hands touch me.. i dont say anything or just agree and go along alot... trying to change that.

Sigh, i wish i could get a miracle...

I understand completely. I remember the first few times I opened up in an effort to help others. It was painful but freeing at the same time. I found in some ways it helped more than therapy, its why I continue helping others n letting them know I can relate whenever I can. I highly recommend keeping on doing it now that you've started - you have an awesome story to tell, and even though it is a painful one that is as hard to hear as it is to tell, it is one that will reach a lot of people's hearts enough to open them up to healing ... and telling it will heal you. ❤

You did an awesome job telling your story! Be proud of yourself. Like I said - if you ever need or want to talk, my inbox is only a pm away ❤

Thank you Crypts of the Mind very helpful suggestions for somebody that's trying to find their way

how would i write something like this in a story?

i dont know how to approach it or format it...

Something like what?

My life experience perhaps...

My story, or whatever