Well

im fine i guess

just staying so busy... and so tired... and achey hehe
trying to prioritize... but feel numb or really whatever..
depressed i guess but its hiding

im still working... as long as they dont come back with a drug test again...
not sure how they will react.. good people though...

got learners back and working on the car just have to get it on the road and go back to get license if i can figure out how to pay attention..

its ok though, i guess just stuff i never have faced before.. feels alien.. i dont have any other options anyway, so i think i killed my ego...

It's good to see you back elevatedsoul,and great to hear you are "fine".

It sounds like things are finally looking up for you.

Oh,and many places,if you fail a drug test,they give you a chance,let you seek help instead of automatically firing you. You may want to read their policy on that to be sure.

yeah, im pretty sure they will just yell at me (which will be triggering) and ill have to go on probation for them but im already kind of getting 'treatment' for the use disorder...

i guess things are looking up... its just what im creating though, just sayin **** it and just doin things that are supposed to be good.. i feel ok sometimes but my moods change so fast sometimes like waking up and being confused of your surroundings i just get lost in the vortex sometimes and makes me just want to isolate, takes so much energy out of me ..

i am having a really hard time focusing, really sucks... but just trying to prioritize and rationalize and not kill myself in the process by ignoring my body signals

hoping it will get better soon.. just too much.. im not used to pushing so hard, but i dont have any choice

There's a saying, "fake it 'till you make it".Keep doing those things that are supposed to be good and you will get where you wanna be in life.

I'm proud of you for what you're doing.And it's SO nice to read posts like this and seeing the progress you're making.

Killed your ego? Not possible. 😅

💚
I'm trying,
Trying new stuff always, trying to move on

It's kinda hard

I don't really feel like I know what's going on, like .. I'm struggling to accept change but I don't fully understand because I'm forcing myself to do these things with no other option and I feel like.. i can't explain

I guess I am trying to start over, start my life, create a life, new life.. and everything I am is on the table being force changed because in my mind there are no options, literally...

Have to do this
Have to succeed...
Failure is not an option...
But I'm sick, I feel bad, but the masks are strong and I can't tell them apart from myself 😞

I'm at work now, just want to sleep haha..

Hope the whole day is slow