Does anyone with BPD have obsessive relationships. Like you think about fantasies with this person because you love him or her. I'm a girl and I love my female teacher. She is like a mother to me but I obsess about her all the time. I've caught myself being cautiously stalkerish. Like I'm always looking for her at school. I ask others where she is. I even know what car she drives and her license plate number. Is this normal for a BPD patient. I'm really a clingy person but I get angry quickly if they reject me. I feel humiliated if they reject me. I litterly can attach to nurturing woman if they show the slightest kindness to me regarding my conditions. I also could have jus met them and I cling to them. I feel really guilty regarding my longings but they are insatiable.

[jelly-bean]

I am not sure whether your obsession is a normal trait for someone with BPD. Hopefully, others with BPD will see this post and give you a better answer than I can.

[Teddy:)]

Originally Posted by Taylorlamelza1997

Does anyone with BPD have obsessive relationships. Like you think about fantasies with this person because you love him or her. I'm a girl and I love my female teacher. She is like a mother to me but I obsess about her all the time. I've caught myself being cautiously stalkerish. Like I'm always looking for her at school. I ask others where she is. I even know what car she drives and her license plate number. Is this normal for a BPD patient. I'm really a clingy person but I get angry quickly if they reject me. I feel humiliated if they reject me. I litterly can attach to nurturing woman if they show the slightest kindness to me regarding my conditions. I also could have jus met them and I cling to them. I feel really guilty regarding my longings but they are insatiable.

I can completely relate to your post cause I have done the exact same thing my entire life. There was always a female teacher that I attached to through school, I am not sure why but I believe I used them to try and get what I had always longed for- "the perfect, loving mother". A particular high school teacher was my major obsession, I knew everything about her- like you I knew her car, license plate number, what she liked, and her family members/pets, I envisaged myself being her daughter and to a large extend she allowed this to occur. Unfortunately it went pear shaped when my clinging bothered her and she harshly abandoned me.
I find I go through a cycle system of clinging and then angrily retreating because my reality and their reality don't align the way I want it too. The hardest thing for me though is discovering what is real and what's not and coming to a sort of acceptance of this.

Whether it is BPD related or not I am not sure, but at least you are aware of it and have insight into what you are doing- that's the first step. But know that you are not alone
Hope that helps
Teddy

Originally Posted by Teddy:)

I can completely relate to your post cause I have done the exact same thing my entire life. There was always a female teacher that I attached to through school, I am not sure why but I believe I used them to try and get what I had always longed for- "the perfect, loving mother". A particular high school teacher was my major obsession, I knew everything about her- like you I knew her car, license plate number, what she liked, and her family members/pets, I envisaged myself being her daughter and to a large extend she allowed this to occur. Unfortunately it went pear shaped when my clinging bothered her and she harshly abandoned me.
I find I go through a cycle system of clinging and then angrily retreating because my reality and their reality don't align the way I want it too. The hardest thing for me though is discovering what is real and what's not and coming to a sort of acceptance of this.

Whether it is BPD related or not I am not sure, but at least you are aware of it and have insight into what you are doing- that's the first step. But know that you are not alone
Hope that helps
Teddy

Omg that's exactly what happened with me and my high school teacher. I searched for a mother figure an she would nurture me. Then I made her uncomfortable and she abandoned me too. Thank you for telling your story.
Everything that you said is what happened to me. It is so hard to realize what's real when your feelings confession reality. And it did help.

[iditp20]

Yes, I think this could possibly be a normal thing for someone who is BDP, this exact thing happened to me when I was in high school when I was 14/15.

I too am female and completely fell for my female English teacher. I always wanted to know where she is, knew her car, found myself obsessing over her, always staring her. She used to come to some of school clubs I atteneded and played games with me.

Further to this I now am only attracted to older women, this can be anything between 3-10 years older. For some reason I can associate them to be able to look after me and be the dominatrix in the relationship.

I'm not sure how common this is. I don't really have a fear of abandonment, but I am really obsessive in relationships.

Originally Posted by iditp20

Yes, I think this could possibly be a normal thing for someone who is BDP, this exact thing happened to me when I was in high school when I was 14/15.

I too am female and completely fell for my female English teacher. I always wanted to know where she is, knew her car, found myself obsessing over her, always staring her. She used to come to some of school clubs I atteneded and played games with me.

Further to this I now am only attracted to older women, this can be anything between 3-10 years older. For some reason I can associate them to be able to look after me and be the dominatrix in the relationship.

I'm not sure how common this is. I don't really have a fear of abandonment, but I am really obsessive in relationships.

That's how I am too. I am only attracted to older women that could potientianllu take care of me. My teacher bought me a Christmas present last year and I kept hoping she would buy me one this yr bc then I'd know she still loved me. I think I've lost her due to my mental illnesses. She doesn't even know either. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

[iditp20]

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of, have you had a lack of this?

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Originally Posted by iditp20

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of, have you had a lack of this?

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Yes. I lack touch and intimate relationships(not including sex but I lack a relationship too).

[iditp20]

Have you lacked relationships with your parents also?

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[elin95]

I don't have BPD but I have the exact same problem. Also obsessed with a female teacher. I wrote it down in this topic:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...e-help-me.html

i think you can relate. If you want to talk, i'm here

[NoChildSupport]

I don't know if this is a normal trait for BPD but I've done the exact same thing too. There were a few older women who I've been too attached to & felt clingy towards. Before, I was always able to keep my clingy feelings to myself but I've lost that ability... Mother figures make me extremely happy & warm & fuzzy on the inside. I'm only a teenager but I never cared about making friends my own age, I wanted to be best friends with a second mom. The problem with these obsessions are that in no way am I trying to replace my real mom. We have a great relationship but I keep looking for motherly qualities in others for some reason.
I can definitely relate to how you feel. I feel humiliated when I suspect I've been rejected. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but there's a good chance that I have it. I'm not sure if this problem is really associated with BPD but maybe having this disorder makes it easier to have obsessions like this...

Originally Posted by iditp20

Have you lacked relationships with your parents also?

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Yes. I lack a relationship with my parents.

Originally Posted by elin95

I don't have BPD but I have the exact same problem. Also obsessed with a female teacher. I wrote it down in this topic:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...e-help-me.html

i think you can relate. If you want to talk, i'm here

Okay thank you.

Originally Posted by NoChildSupport

I don't know if this is a normal trait for BPD but I've done the exact same thing too. There were a few older women who I've been too attached to & felt clingy towards. Before, I was always able to keep my clingy feelings to myself but I've lost that ability... Mother figures make me extremely happy & warm & fuzzy on the inside. I'm only a teenager but I never cared about making friends my own age, I wanted to be best friends with a second mom. The problem with these obsessions are that in no way am I trying to replace my real mom. We have a great relationship but I keep looking for motherly qualities in others for some reason.
I can definitely relate to how you feel. I feel humiliated when I suspect I've been rejected. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but there's a good chance that I have it. I'm not sure if this problem is really associated with BPD but maybe having this disorder makes it easier to have obsessions like this...

I'm a teen too. They haven't diagnosed me with BPD because I'm only 17. Next year they are going to reassess me and most likely diagnose me with it. You made a very good point. I never wanted to replace my mother but I still wanted to be close or best friends with a mother figure too.

[iditp20]

I wonder what it is that causes it, I'm nearly 21 and still have the same issues. Although I'm completely loyal and in a relationship. My mother was very abusive so I long for a 'caregiver', feel free to message me if you want to talk

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[elin95]

Hi how are ya?

[HD7970GHZ]

I can relate to the idea of becoming, "absorbed," by another person when I am attached with them. This happens to therapists that I am close to. Everything reminds me of them - I try to hang out with friends but I am constantly reminded of my therapist - wondering what they are currently doing, if they ever think of me, etc.

I have never stalked or done creepy things - but I have googled therapists - hoping that I would find an email to communicate with them. The only time I have done this - it was to clarify something that popped into my head and caused me a ton of anxiety. This was after our therapeutic relationship was terminated. Unfortunately I never found emails and it only led to frustration - but as far as looking for them further - no matter how strong the impulse to seek out a strong relationship - I would be able to stop myself from doing something weird.

I suppose I am lucky in that I would never allow myself to fall into the stalker category - although I can see how becoming absorbed by someone can lead to thinking in that way. Of course I idealize my therapists and fantasize about being their child - and being given the kind of nurture that I lacked in my childhood - but that is a natural and normal phase of transference in the therapeutic setting. Not something to be overly concerned about.

thanks,
Hd

Originally Posted by elin95

Hi how are ya?

I am doing okay. How about yourself? By the way you can add me if you want or message me anytime. I recently had an encounter with my English teacher (The one I'm obsessed with). She was really cold to me and I was so hurt my her.

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

I can relate to the idea of becoming, "absorbed," by another person when I am attached with them. This happens to therapists that I am close to. Everything reminds me of them - I try to hang out with friends but I am constantly reminded of my therapist - wondering what they are currently doing, if they ever think of me, etc.

I have never stalked or done creepy things - but I have googled therapists - hoping that I would find an email to communicate with them. The only time I have done this - it was to clarify something that popped into my head and caused me a ton of anxiety. This was after our therapeutic relationship was terminated. Unfortunately I never found emails and it only led to frustration - but as far as looking for them further - no matter how strong the impulse to seek out a strong relationship - I would be able to stop myself from doing something weird.

I suppose I am lucky in that I would never allow myself to fall into the stalker category - although I can see how becoming absorbed by someone can lead to thinking in that way. Of course I idealize my therapists and fantasize about being their child - and being given the kind of nurture that I lacked in my childhood - but that is a natural and normal phase of transference in the therapeutic setting. Not something to be overly concerned about.

thanks,
Hd

Thank you for all your insight. I really appreciate it.

[pinklovespurplex]

Originally Posted by anon71415

Does anyone with BPD have obsessive relationships. Like you think about fantasies with this person because you love him or her. I'm a girl and I love my female teacher. She is like a mother to me but I obsess about her all the time. I've caught myself being cautiously stalkerish. Like I'm always looking for her at school. I ask others where she is. I even know what car she drives and her license plate number. Is this normal for a BPD patient. I'm really a clingy person but I get angry quickly if they reject me. I feel humiliated if they reject me. I litterly can attach to nurturing woman if they show the slightest kindness to me regarding my conditions. I also could have jus met them and I cling to them. I feel really guilty regarding my longings but they are insatiable.

I'm so thankful I found this thread. I experienced exactly the same thing a few times while I was in high school. The first one was when I became obsessed with my supply art teacher when I was 15. Both of us being female I was confused about whether I was in love with her or obsessed with her. I think it was a mixture of both. It was never romantic love though but more of a maternal love that I craved from her. It didn't make sense to me because I had a good mom and didn't think I had any unresolved issues about my childhood. But I wanted wanted her to love me the way she loved her own children.

I knew everything about her. The names of her kids, things about them, things about her life and childhood, where she lived and worked before, what she liked and what she didn't. I made excuses to go and see her before and after school, at lunch and break etc, where we would talk the whole time and I would try and retsin and remember everything she said. I craved her attention and love. I would fantasize various scenarios where she would take care of me or offer me some kind of comfort in a time of need. I would look for her at school and my heart would race whenever I saw her. I spent an unholy amount of money on her at Christmas and wrote an "essay" in her card. I realise now that it really was obsession, and I feel sorry for her and what I must have put her through. But I know I couldn't help it.

Throughout school and sixth form this happened at least four more times, with both male and female teachers. With male teachers the obsession was always more romantic and sexual. But with female teachers I craved their approval, affection and love. I think I was looking for a closeness and trust that I no longer had at home.

I look back at these times as if I am over it. But now I'm 22 and going through it again with a female co-worker. She's 18 years my senior and has a son a few years younger than me. I think I'm in love with her, but I'm also obsessed with her. It's maternal again but at the same time I'm attracted to her. I don't know what I want from her. Sometimes I honestly think I just want her friendship, but I already have her friendship - we are close and are more like best friends than colleagues - but if it's friendship I want then why am I not content already? Why do I constantly think about her and our relationship? Why does my heart race when I get an innocent friendly phone call or message from her? Why do my feelings for her make me hate myself and want to cry?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to be like this forever. I don't want to be constantly heartbroken over unrealistic hopes of unrealistic relationships. Will I be like this forever? I need help.