[JessLynn]

I just learned I have no psychiatrist. I called to find out the time of my appointment only to be told my pdoc isn't seeing patients anymore. I just OD'd on Thursday night... Was sent home by the hospital afterwards with a pill to sleep the night away, and I just started DBT. I have no real DBT skills under my belt yet. I feel so ****ing worthless.

I'm calling my GP in the morning to make an appointment asap because I desperately need a med change. They are doing nothing for me and are costing me a fortune as they aren't covered, and I am not working as BPD has been too debilitating lately. I don't know how I'm going to get a med change with no psychiatrist though unless they put me inpatient for the change. But the hospital, like I said, rejected me as it's 'not helpful to admit patients with BPD'.

Feeling so low, so hopeless and worthless. Wanting to SH... But I have failed my therapist already this week. What if he gives up on me? What's to stop me from repeating the events of the past week.

[Yzen]

You are valuable and precious. The call to your GP is a good idea and the past week is in the past. I hope things get much better for you really soon.

[childofchaos831]

Jess, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be cared for. I am so sorry that the hospital failed you. I do see it that way, honestly.

You did not fail them and you did not fail your therapist. By showing up to your therapy appointment on Tuesday and talking over this past week with your T, you will have succeeded.

At this point, every day without another OD and every day that you wake up alive is an absolute success. I have days that that is honestly the most I can manage, I absolutely get it! Whatever it takes to stay alive is what it takes. Alive is what matters.

Also, the whole "hospitalizing people with BPD is pointless" part I think is a dangerous mindset. A person with BPD can still be severely suicidal and pose a danger to themself, and if that is the case, they NEED to be hospitalized! Having BPD should not matter.

Please, do what you need to do to stay safe until you see your GP or your T and be completely honest with them, do not hold back anything. They need to know the severity of the situation to handle it properly.

[PsychoPhil]

JessLynn, sorry to hear about your problems. I hope you will feel better soon and that DBT will help you.

[splitimage]

This may sound harsh, that's not my intent. But you and only you have the decision to make whether you'll OD or not. I've been where you are, when ODing feels like the only option. Thankfully I survived. That's not assured.

I'm sorry your pdoc just shut down his practice without referring patients, that's malpractice in my books. I hope you can get referred to another pdoc quickly, but I get the waiting lists in Canada.

I know you've just started it, but DBT saved my life, literally. I found it incredibly helpful in managing urges to self harm and drink, I'm an alcoholic. I too paid for it privately and it was the single best investment in my life that I made. I hope you'll get similar benefit.
I'm 48 so I'm significantly older than you, but my 20's and 30's were trapped in what I call borderline hell. Self-injury and drinking. It's only in my 40's that I've approached recovery. I've been SI free for almost 7 years, and while I'm currently in relapse, I've made progress on cutting back my drinking. I'm hoping it doesn't take you as long as me to "get it".

Stay safe.
splitimage

[Fuzzybear]

I think the above is a good post. I hope you can access DBT.. somehow

You are valuable (and “worth the work” )

[Unrigged64072835]

JessLynn--hope you're doing better and got some help.