Detached

Been feeling a bit detached from myself and other people husbands birthday this morning feel the same so I gave him sex 1 because I want him happy 2 because I thought a good **** would help me but it left me blank and empty I love my husband very much I want today be a nice day for him feel like I need cut nothing I can use or do I need to get through today got music therapy hopefully it helps God I sound so unhappy am happy but I can't express it feel like a **** toy

I was so promiscuous in my younger years thinking that getting attention from men and giving them sex would make me feel better. Sure it did at the moment I was getting the attention but I went back to feeling the same old worthless, useless human I thought I was. I also used men to "save" me. Classic BPD symptom. I new a sexy body and sex was a powerful weapon and the only asset I had to survive. Learned that at a very young age.

Now I am 50 and because of those ingrained thoughts I feel worthless because I am looking older. My body is not the same and I feel I am washed up and useless.

Feel dead I should be dead

Detachment is difficult, obviously pain helps, but it distresses the normals... What if you go do something you have never done before? Go some place you have never gone before? Just to get away from your life's staple and routine. Like, if there's a place you drive past every day and look at every day but have never actually set foot on - go there. Spend some time there and really get to know the place.

Or go some place completely new. like a pub somewhere in a different suburb and play pool there.

I don't know, I think placing yourself in a new situation like that will alert your brain because you will need to be aware of your new environment and potential dangers - this may ground you.

Just don't be needlessly reckless.

know what you mean..
this **** sucks...