losing myself.....

yesterday my back went into alot of pain it felt like my back was going to break...during the week i lost 10 pounds and looked "scary" skinny...well i did end up going to the doctors ....he called me a hypochondriac slapped medicine in my hand and that night went to the emergency room because i was losing lots and lots of water...i was told i need to go to a specialist....yea right Thanks alot make me pay 500 dollars to tell me to go to a specialist...my right side hurts at times and i then got in a fight with my boyfriend...his mother came home to find me lying down because my back hurt yesterday...well GOD FORBID no one pay attention to her so she flipped out and said i was faking it so i didnt have to go to work and pay her money...that woman makes me boil....she talks about me being in pain!! I was the one to remodel her freaking landscape....freaking rocks and stones and lights and crap...but THATS ok...so WHEN IM IN PAIN AND UNABLE TO MOVE SHE FLIPS OUT!!! Why is it that i am NEVER allowed to be sick....I asked my boyfriend why he thinks i have all these symptoms....because they accumulate after years of people never believing me and taking me to a doctor...so he says so we did what you wanted and took you to a doctor now your not happy? How The heck can i be happy when the doctor says im a hypochondriac and sees my scars and instantly stops helping me and says its anxiety...you know what i told my boyfriend if its anxiety WELL NO FREAKING WONDER!!! I do EVERYTHING for EVERYONE and its never the freak ENOUGH!!!!! I work at nights and go to school during the day...I have an A average in my grade and give 500 dollars A MONTH to that ungrateful B****. Do you know what she did...after i got sick she ordered an appointment to go see her doctor and is now on MORE medication...why because she is now anemic....well guess what Im anemic...my grandmother is anemic and we ARENT SERVED IN BED AROUND THE CLOCK!!!!!!!! SHE YELLS AT ME FOR CALLING OFF OF WORK BECAUSE I HAD GALLONS OF WATER RUNNING OUT OF ME EVERY 5 MINUTES. no kidding...thats why i went to the er because my boyfriend was worried of dehydration and my RN stepdad said it was a reverse side effect of the stupid doctors meds. She hates me now...she only speaks in Tagolog so i dont understand anything....she doesnt look at me. All because i feel like crap....im so miserable..my boyfriend is alittle bit better but no body understands...and i am waiting to hear my blood test results but my "doctor" has called me yet and its been 5 days...id at least like a "it looks ok i guess" And if it is nothing what is it? What is it...im feeling fine one day and out for 3 im ok for a few hours and feel crappy the next...you all know my symptoms and how much pain im in...what the heck...i dont even SI anymore because my body is in so much pain i dont feel it should go through anymore right now....im going to die...i want to get rid of this...i almost WANT something just so i can treat it and get better.Im taking 5 different meds.....this is draining...And now im not telling anyone i feel bad. I just act like im not in pain anymore at all. Im working 8 hrs at night with a smile on my face. If i fall over dead LET them worry about...im sick of worring about it all by myself...They are sick of me...fine i havent said a word about me feeling bad...there...sigh...sorry for the rant..i needed to get that out...I love you guys...Inny

Oh dear, you don't seem to have much support around you in your time of need... I'm so sorry about that. But you seem very brave though. Do hang in there..

When are your results due? Hope the specialist can find what's wrong. And shame someone cannot shake your mom/bf to put some sense into them

That's quite a rant. (((gentle hugs)))

I'm sorry you are in a situation where the relationships you have are not the best for you now. Is there someone who WILL help you figure out how to live on your own for awhile? Have you checked social services and the like? There are many members here who know how to navigate the system to do this.

I had to give up my gardening because of my back injury. I sure know what it can do after working in the yard!

Let's not put off finding someone to help you. After all you do for others, it's time to do for yourself, imo.

thanks guys (((((((hugs)))))
I really appreciate the replys...im so alone and its nice to have someone reply to me. I was supposed to get my results two days ago however i still have not heard anything...the doctor is phillipino and i fear that since he feels im a hypochondraic and not one of his own he isnt bothering to make my reports even on the top 20 list....thats fine no offense to any phillipinos im just surrounded all by myself in a world of where no one looks like me or talks english half the time...thats why im living with my boyfriend and his parents....I am waiting until march 9th for Medical insurance then i can go see my specialist yey!!! For some reason i feel so ashamed and embarassed that i asked for help that half way through medical examinations i choke and say im fine when im not. Mainly its because i feel alittle better than before and feel like it was just a phase and then when it hits its worst i get angry and irritated and want to go see a doctor. I guess I have to start realizing i can be sick even though i do feel alittle better one day from the next. Im starting to choke though...I dont know if i can see a specialist after all this...im so embaressed i feel like crawling my sick pathetic little body under the covers until i get sick of being sick again...im I weird? Is this abnormal? Maybe thats a key sign i want attention...thats what my boyfriend thinks at times....im just not used to having people look at me and when they attack me i crawl back in my corner where i belong until i have enough courage to try again
Thanks guys you are all so wonderful....
Love, Inny

Hi, I hope you are feeling better.. I think when you live with people they get use to hearing very day hurts , so when you really get sick they dont pay any mind to it. I was in a accident and it just keeps snowballing.. Pain here and there .. After a while everyone tuned me out.. I have no support at all .. B/F just hurt his back at work and now I get to hear you dont know what pain is...But I baby the hell out of him.. So please just lean on us in here.. We know how you feel.. Some times it helps me just to vent and someone just post a little . I feel someone heard me...
I hope you find out soon what is wrong and feel better..
Until then BABY YOURSELF!!!! take it easy...