[battykoda]

I have been struggling with chronic pain for years. It felt like it swallowed my whole existence when I couldn’t keep up anymore and dropped out of college last Spring.

My life consists of going to doctors’ appointments, eating TV dinners and cereal, grocery shopping (online), and doing dishes. It uses up all of my energy just to do these things. I don’t feel like anything is rewarding about life. I live with my mom and am completely dependent on her for for financial support. My happiest times these days are when I block out the real world and get lost in binging sci fi shows online.

I am irritable all the time because the pain interferes with my sleep a great deal. I have tried various medications but it’s been over a year since I had a single night of quality sleep. I don’t remember what it feels like to wake up feeling refreshed. The meds that did anything for my sleep put me in a fog all day.

I try to spend most of my time in my room by myself because I have such a short fuse and I feel bad about yelling at people. I yell by myself as well, but I don’t feel guilty about it if no one else is there. When I yell I'm overwhelmed by the situation not mad at a person, but that doesn’t make it less abusive (this is related to a diagnosed mental health problem, but the pain makes it harder to control).

I don’t like spending time with friends anymore because I have nothing going on in my life that's worth talking about. It’s hard to hide medical issues when they have taken over my whole existence.

I used to be a talented sculptor and most of my friends are artists, but the pain makes it take so much longer to make anything that it’s just frustrating. Plus it gives me bad tension headaches to sit and work on anything.

[Thor0298]

First I wanted to say so sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Mine has only been going on four years but it has made me give up most things in my life also. The only thing I can say is if binging on scifi shows makes you feel better then do it. I also understand the strain it puts on relationships. As it has with my family (wife and son). The only thing I can say is maybe ask a friend to come over and watch with you. Tell them up front how awful the pain is and how it gives you a severely short fuse. And that you are sorry up front in case you blow up a little. And that you don't mean it. If they are truly your friends and care about you, they will try to support you. I've found a couple. It does help. It also helps to get it out a bit too. I also see a therapist weekly. Between that and doctors i have like 7-8 appts a week. Very tired of seeing doctors. But recently I decided that I can no longer sit idly by as my life goes on without me. I've been to so many doctors, therapists, shrinks etc. been through massive depression, suicide, anxiety/panic attacks and major pain. And if it ever gets better I need to have a life to come back to. So I've been working and trying a throng to get better no matter how ridiculous it sounds. And repairing the relationships I've damaged over the last few years. I don't know if any of that helps but I joined here last night and am at least taking a little comfort in me not being the only person in my situation. And now have people I can try to relate with.

[Skeezyks]

Hello battykoda: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great pace to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll get from the time you spend here. So keep posting!

I'm sorry to read that your chronic pain has taken such a profound toll on your life. I hope what I write does not come across as "preachy". I never want to be so. My personal prejudice runs toward radical acceptance... simply learning to be okay with the way things are now & then figuring out what is possible given that things are the way they are. You mentioned that sculpting is frustrating & gives you headaches. Perhaps, at this point in time, this is simply not something that can work for you. But if you can find something... anything else that will... maybe this can help you to feel less irritable & to begin to put your life back together in some way or other. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that it might be so...

[continuosly blue]

- Everything you said is what happens to many people with chronic pain. Suffice it to say it has ruined my life , as it was ( as in past tense ). What Skeet said is true but it's going to be the hardest thing to do. It takes time and I'm working on acceptance myself very hard.

If I may , just a few questions. You didn't say what your pain is. Depending on the type of pain there may be some type of treatment you just haven't found yet.

You didn't say how old you are. The reason I ask is because you may have more strength than you think if your young. You may have lost your friends , ( they can't be real friends if they abandoned you ) , but you haven't yet lost a wife and children.

You said you had to drop out of college. Well at least you haven't lost a real good job yet.

You have a place to stay.
As I write this it seems like I'm making a gratitude list. I didn't intend to , I just realized it now. I know how hard it is to be grateful about anything when your in pain , but if you keep thinking about how much worse it could be well...
You also talk about the mental anguish your going thru. You need to keep on trying to find the right help for that. Therapy , meds , keep looking , keep trying.

Everything I said is because I know what your going thru and know how it feels.

Keep posting and keep getting suggestions that may help.