[army_wife]

So my husband just came home for his leave and I feel so bad for him.The first thing he told me was all these people make me nervous and they all speak english. He was on the edge of the car chair when we were driving home. And he never talked about how much he hates pot holes until now. I cant even imagine the things he has seen....

[bebop]

welcome to the forum. it is nice to see another wife. is he in iraq?

[army_wife]

Yep, he is over the half way mark so its looking more hopeful.

[bebop]

I hope they send them all home very very soon. I have no idea how you deal with him being there. I am going to start a chat for this forum on fridays. I hope you can join in with us.

[army_wife]

awsome just let me know!

[bebop]

hon please feel free to ask me alot of questions. it is easier to that way to know what you need to know. I lived with the ptsd for 10 yrs before my late husband died. it is good to have other wives on here now! woo hoo!

[vetswife]

My husband was is the first golf war and he still wakes up in the middle of the night because of nightmares. He doesn't duck under the table anymore when a balloon pops. I feel so bad for these soldiers and the life long trauma they have to live with.

[bebop]

I am sorry you are going thru this. been there myself and it is not easy. it does take alot of understanding to deal with it. always let him know you are there for him. my hubby had such terrible flashbacks from vietnam sometimes I didn't know if I would wake in the mornings. he turned to alcohol eventually and that is what killed him. I learned quickly not to wake him up with my hands. his dr told me to use a broom handle lol I have to say it sure helped!

[insecurity]

My husband has served 2 tours in Iraq and I was in the military when I met him. We have been married for 12 yrs with 15 yrs of military service between us.

The most important thing to remember is to be there to listen to him when HE wants to talk. NEVER pressure him with questions. When he is ready to open up he will and not before then. Give him room to breathe and adjust. Their lives are forever affected by what they have seen and done. Understand that when he pulls away from you he is attempting to work things out himself. Don't get upset or be offended....it's not you. It is him...he needs space and time to adjust and cope. Just be there to listen. You will never understand but you can listen when he is ready to talk. Don't comment or compare.....just listen and accept what he says. Do not mistake any anger as being directed at you. It is anger from his situation and his ongoing adjustment. YOU need to understand that. Nothing will change it or make it hurt less....but it rolls off you a bit easier knowing that it is not you, you were just in the area when he needed to vent or release. Remember he loves you and your unending support will help him adjust over time.

Make sure you both take advantage of any couples, marriage and individual therapy that is provided by the military. Both my husband and I have. I spent 1 yr in therapy with a military therapist for events that were triggered when my husband deployed the second time to Iraq. My husband received treatment when he returned. It is not looked down on in the military community. I work in a military hospital on a military base so I do understand this part and the impact that it can have.

Most of all take care of yourself. He will need you and your unending support when he returns. You will both grow stronger by working through it together.

Best wishes.

Insecurity

[(JD)]

I'm sure the potholes are reminding him of the roads pitted from rockets.

You can always reassure him, validate his feelings, to help him. "Oh yeah the potholes must remind you of the horrible roads in.... that must make you feel really squirrely. Hopefully the county has this road on their list to fix soon so you won't have that reaction." Or such, you know?

Encourage him to talk to his CO about how hard it is to adjust when back on leave. Many military people think it's weakness to share that information. They need to know it's healthy, and that it helps them be a better soldier (i.e) in the long run..because war can get to them if they don't talk.

Good wishes.

[LLMF]

Don't be suprised when he comes back for good, that he hangs out with his platoon a lot. The visual scanning will probably be there for awhile but other things should go away. Try to keep him engaged in reality and not stuck inside his own head, ruminating on thoughts and such. I found that I was very comfortable at bars, stores, crowded places when I was with my platoon mates. When I got out and went back home, even with my own friends that I had known for 10-15 years I felt as if I had to watch my back all the time, really cuts down on the fun. lol I'm single but IMO let him hang out with his combat buddies if he wants too, as long as it's not interferring with your marraige and/or he's drinking too much.

Best wishes,
Scuba

[Troy]

Anger - at everything and at nothing ... you're just the one who gets to see it all

Watching your back - for years and years

Hanging w war buddies - wud have been great

Talking about it - seldom

Odd behavior - always, or sometimes hidden

Over reacting - almost always

Control - trying but not quite

Authority - resist it

Perfection - demand it

Wanting to go back - always (maybe to do it right next time)

Guilt - deep

Tears - hidden

Hugs - needed

Understanding - held at arm's length

Counseling - unlikely

Progress - some - with relapse

Dropping out - wish for it

Coming back here - desperate again - scary, wish I hadn't, not in the plans

[bebop]

(((((hugs))))) I am hearing you hon. take it one day at a time.