Did you kill anybody?

What kind of a stupid question is that? "Did you kill anybody?"

And there is usually kind of a glint in the person's eyes when they ask, like "wow, I'm going to get some insider information here."
Or maybe the glint is one of "admiration" for a warrior who has killed the enemy... can you imagine?

Ok, here's the point...don't ever ask a warrior this question. Period.

thanks for the tip Troy.. sending healing wishes..

I have heard people ask that. I think it is morbid curiousity. I don't think they mean to be insensitive really. but I do understand how it would make you feel.

Maybe morbid curiosity, maybe torture...

When I didn't respond right away, he said, "How'd you kill them? Did you see them die?"

It made me want to say every curse word I've ever heard, all at one time. I panicked and had to leave immediately. Can you imagine?

What kind of sick person is this?

if I remember correctly your friend asked these right? yeah he just wanted gory details hon. you were wise to walk away.

before you served, would you have asked someone who was in a war that question? most people would. i think its mainly just curiousity. i mean, general knowledge wise thats the point of war. but yeah its one of the 3 questions i hate being asked.
dont really wanna call it ignorance, but its like asking someone if they have any kids, without knowing that their first died of SIDS the night before. the person asking coudlnt know, and definately didnt mean anything by it.

Nooooooooo... I would not have asked.

If itz natural for ppl to ask this question, we hav a lot of education to do. Let'z call it political correctness not to ask, then.

We're told not to ask about a person's heritage if they "look" like they are "different." We're told not to ask about a person's "accent." We're told not to ask about an illness, or an injury, or a deformity. Let's throw that one in about "Did you kill anybody?"

We can call it curiosity if we want, but I think anyone with common sense would know not to ask.... I think I would come back to the word "stupidity." (not to argue with you, just to let you see what goes through my mind)...sorry - thanks for giving me your thoughts on this too.

[quote=xander1100;802802]before you served, would you have asked someone who was in a war that question?

(((((((((((( Troy ))))))))))))

In this age of the internet and watching war on tv as it happens, we as a society have become so de-sensitized to hearing and seeing the horrors of it all.

Years ago, before we were all so "connected" we used to let our imaginations answer those kinds of questions and we wouldn't be so willing to ask someone like yourself that kind of question. Maybe it was out of respect, maybe it was out of fear of knowing or really hearing the details.

I'm so sorry that someone (a friend??) would be so utterly inconsiderate. They obviously were more interested in their morbid curiosity being fulfilled than realizing just how a question like that would affect you or any member of our military.

Gentle
sabby

no we're not told to ask about heritage/accent/what not, but you dont need to be told to do something to do it out of curiousity. "where are you from" was one of the first things we'd ask a noobie when he got to the unit.
anyway about the whole politically correct stuff, thats a bunch of bs. no matter what you say, its garunteed to offend someone somewhere, especially someone who is just looking to get offended (like alot of people who complain about politically correct constantly). not to sound harsh, but its life: its not fiar, its not worried about everyones feelings, and its not always nice. im not saying to go out and shout every racial slur you know, but you get the drift.
back to the main topic, yeah its a ****** thing to be asked. but unless you've served or you've had a friend that has already told u, most people dont know that its a bad question. i mean therse people that its not a bad question to, then again those are the ones that only sat on base during deployment.
kinda like randomly walking up to a vet in an airport and thanking him for serving: most vets that i know hate that.
sorry to sound harsh, but its a pretty normal question for someone not in the military to ask. generaly its not considered innapropriate.

Xander ... Were you contact with the enemy? Were you ever in a gun fight?

yeah i did a 16 month tour with the 82nd airborne, and spent the deployment in waht was two of the hottest zones in iraq at that time.
so yes, ive been in fire fights, ive been blown up, ive raided houses, gone out on sniper teams. to top it off i was a medic, i dealt with dead bodies daily for months on end.

like i said before, i personally dont like being asked that question either, and i tell my friends who ask it taht its one of the three things i dont talk about. but i can see why they ask it so i dont flip out on them or anything.

were u?

yes - infantry -- you know what i mean -- passed out purple hearts like they were popcorn but only brought home one myself

we couldn't agree more Troy
some ppl are ill, stare them right in the eyes & say "what do you think"
& we better delete tis

I think a good reply to that particular question is: We don't talk about that. (That's to those who ask just out of curiosity, not buddies who are also working through these things.) TC

I would never ask someone in the military if they killed someone. If they did I am pushing horrible memeories at them and if they didn't it still may bring up bad memories from their time in difficult service.

I was sorry to hear that vets "hate" to be randomly thanked for their service. I grew up around the Vietnam war and people treated men in the service like crap and people spit at them and stupid junk. The more wars we've been a part of since the 1990's the more aware I am of how many people have sacrificed to keep me and my family safe. I guess I will have to stop doing that, I sure don't want to embarrass or bother anyone. But how else can I say thanks?

Leslie

Leslie ... you should continue to thank veterans for their service. What I was trying to say is that I don't know how to reply. I don't mind people expressing their appreciation, even though it sometimes does bring tears. I know it is valuable two ways...one for the person hearing it and one for the person saying it.

I'd be happy to hear from others as to what they say when they are thanked... At this time, I've learned to simply say, "Thanks for expressing your appreciation." .... Sometimes the conversation continues, but usually the person just leaves with another comment of appreciation.

Most vets are probably not as sensitive about this as I am.

I think most vets like to hear "thank you" some even like to hear "welcome home" especially vietnam vets. let's continue to thank our military for all they do for us!

My younger son was once with the 82nd.
Secret squirrels?
He's career, now stationed in HI. Due to deploy again to Afganistan in April I think.

"I was sorry to hear that vets "hate" to be randomly thanked for their service"
Leslie, this is not the general feeling of vets. It's good for them to be thanked, in public and privately, whether they know how to accept it or not, it's good for their mental health.

Thank you _Sky ... you're hundred percent correct. The expression of thanks or appreciation is like a hug at a time when it's needed most, a hand holding in a time of pain, a note from someone who says "Good Job."

The emotional pain of war and those experiences are always just under the surface and the "thanks" is like a dose of pain reliever when you didn't even know how bad you felt.

It's like a touch of sanity in a world of chaos.

T.

You could answer them, 'No, but I vowed to kill the next person that asks me that.' Maybe it would startle them into realizing what a huge question that really is.

Troy,

I missed the rest of the thread while thinking about other things.

Thanks for amplifying what you meant about thanks. I see what you mean. I also don't think those of us who want to thank you need much of a reply - we shouldn't expect you to respond all that much. Maybe just simply to say a small word of acceptance.

I just want to give back some small words to acknowledge such a big sacrifice. I never want to say or do anything that might hurt a vet, the experiences of being in the military will have already hurt them enough.

Even if I were young enough to serve in the military I know I do not have the kind of physical courage it would take to serve in a war zone. So I truly appreciate all of you who do have or find the courage to do what you have done to help us.

I have PTSD. I know what that is like completely and it is pretty horrific to go through it. So, in one way I do identify what it can be like after serving in scary places and then dealing with the after-effects of such stress.

All this to say, Thank you Troy and All who might read this response for your sacrifices of time and life and so many others I don't know how to name. You have done a lot for America and I am very grateful for YOU.

With Respect,

Leslie D.

That's Good Leslie ... I appreciate your thanks and along with you I do thank all of those who have served in military and those who are currently on the front line.

The thanks goes to all of the military, regardless of their jobs, because it takes the whole team to succeed...a lot of ppl are on the front line, and a lot of them in rear support, but it takes them all.

In addition to the troops in the hot zone, we truly appreciate all of those who make the artillery work, get the planes ready to deliver bombs, keep the pay checks coming, deliver the mail, unload the bullets, and chow from the ships.

The effects of the PTSD are the same I think whether u get it from combat or from other trauma.

Thanks for what you're doing here, Leslie

T.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. It is not a question to be asked, nor answered. What happened happened, we must live with it unfortunately. There is nothing that can change that. Good post Troy.

agree it's a good post with some thought provoking answers...

nurses were subjected to some of the most outrageous questions when we came home...
that was one of them, but they meant helping one of our guys cross over by "extra pain relief."

Cap