What do you do when you want to kill yourself?

Lately for about 2 weeks straight its been consistent suicidal thoughts. No med changes, nothing. I enjoy the thoughts. I need to vent and rant. Being a highschool studuent who's very much different from everyone makes it even that much more difficult on top of the mental illness which flows.

I'd like to think things are/would get "better". Time is a thing I find to be myth, time only brings what the person lets in, and for me help is a no no despite my disire for it. I even find the ppl on PC shrug me away I have dozens upon dozens of views but rarelly 3 replies at most, the past few have been 1 or 2 replies only and its been on here for 2 weeks almost.

Well thats my rant, screw my pdoc to he's nothing I need, rather all I can't have.......

I hibernate Not a good solution, but not the worst either....

Try not to take the number of replies and views personally...... this forum in particular seems slow at the moment (look at some other threads which have "few" replies ) Most people tend not to reply unless they feel they have something "valuable" to add...... whatever they perceive that to be

Your comment about your pdoc being all you can't have is interesting to me..... do you want to elaborate?

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Fuzzybear said:
I hibernate Not a good solution, but not the worst either....

Try not to take the number of replies and views personally...... this forum in particular seems slow at the moment (look at some other threads which have "few" replies ) Most people tend not to reply unless they feel they have something "valuable" to add...... whatever they perceive that to be

Your comment about your pdoc being all you can't have is interesting to me..... do you want to elaborate?



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Wow, I really do have problems, I just now realized how hurtful I am to even you people, I'm sry. I just don't know what to do, where to go, and how to act........To answer your question I meant I don't know how to trust him.

It's ok, lots of people here have issues with taking things personally..... maybe most do in fact!!! I understand where you were coming from. You haven't been here long, it's "normal" to take time to feel more comfortable here

Moonkin,

If that's how you've been feeling, will you please tell someone? If you can't talk to your parents maybe a school counselor or call a hotline?

I hate to see you suffer through this alone. Reach out, ok? We can listen but there are people IRL who will absolutely help you.

please reach out to someone IRL..........xoxoxo pat

I think that there comes a time when you will need to find a therapist that works for you. I know you do not like it when I say you need to put in to it to get something out of it but it is true.

Also, I think that it might be important for you to know that if you open your eyes to those around you.... like on here....you will find that there are similarities between you and others. There may be ways that we differ but many ways that we are similar.

How might we help you? What do you need from us? Let us know.

Feelings of talking about suicide here are probably discouranged due to those that are similar to you that may be feeling suicidal and talking about it might rile people up. It is a matter of keeping yourself and others safe. It is the kind thing to do for all involved.

You need to let others in to your network to help you .... us, a therapist, others, etc... in order to take care of you and start feeling better. Let us know what you would like from us.

When you wish to kill yourself...you find ways to change your mindset by doing other things to keep yourself busy. You keep yourself busy. You ask for help. You find what works for you. Most of all you go to therapy and try to allow the therapist to help you... and open yourself up to the possibilities of what needs to happen for you to feel better.

Allow yourself to heal some....and allow your wounds to be dressed and close enough so that they are opened as needed to help in the healing process.

Take care of you.... You have a future out there just waiting for you.... and it CAN be positive and certainly better than how you feel now. Best wishes.

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fayerody said:
please reach out to someone IRL..........xoxoxo pat

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That hurts a whole bunch......everyone I've ever tried to help understand, shoves me away.........i'm scary, anything different is scary............ghosts,anything, in my society in our society no matter 17 or 50 its scary because its differeent to talk about.........................or maybe its just me

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fayerody said:
please reach out to someone IRL..........xoxoxo pat

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Well yes.. this is the best advice of all. I have people that I know are safe... like my sis... and I call when I know I need help or at least diversion.

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Moonkin said:
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fayerody said:
please reach out to someone IRL..........xoxoxo pat

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That hurts a whole bunch......everyone I've ever tried to help understand, shoves me away.........i'm scary, anything different is scary............ghosts,anything, in my society in our society no matter 17 or 50 its scary because its differeent to talk about.........................or maybe its just me

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Sorry... Keep at it... there are people out there. Can you reach out to a school counselor... someone.... ?

Hope you did not miss my earlier post as we were posting at the same time.

That hurts a whole bunch......everyone I've ever tried to help understand, shoves me away

A therapist won't push you away. You can tell them any scary thought you've ever had and they will listen and not judge.

You need help, Moonkin. Reach out. Do it for yourself. You are worth the effort.

((((((((( moonkin )))))))))

I am sorry that you're feeling so badly. I agree that you need to have real life support in the moment. We're here to listen, but you need real life support right now as well.

Do you have someone you can talk with? Would you consider calling someone?

Regarding the views versus responses...please don't let that upset. Alot of the views are from non-members who can't respond, searches, the site doing its maintenance and record-keeping, etc. So, some of the views (some to many actually) are from those who can't respond or the like.

Again, we're here. We care.

KD

a therapist will not push you away. i'm sorry that you were hurt by my message. the reason i said IRL, is because i really, really want you to talk to someone now...someone that can hear your pain and help you..........xoxoxo pat

Like others have said, please do reach out for real time support, to someone who can help, coz you deserve it!!

We care here,
Fuzzy

there never seems to be the right words for me to say at times like this. just know you are not alone and that people here do care and want to listen. for me talking here feels safer because noone can see me and most have problems like me and you and genuinly want to help and be supportive. so please feel free to express yourself here. and maybe let someone in.

sending good thoughts your way
recluse1

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

i felt like you two weeks ago, really badly, ended up in hospital

i have been on a high for the last few days and realise how important life is even when you are feeling so low. please reach out to us here. we will help. try and find a good therapist too, trust takes a while to build, but at least you will be speaking to someone

take care, gentle hugs, jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

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recluse1 said:
there never seems to be the right words for me to say at times like this. just know you are not alone and that people here do care and want to listen. for me talking here feels safer because noone can see me and most have problems like me and you and genuinly want to help and be supportive. so please feel free to express yourself here. and maybe let someone in.

sending good thoughts your way
recluse1

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Even being a depressive myself, who rants and raves and pushes people away and gets pushed away in return, I know that most people don't like to see us hurting so much, often don't know what to do -- and I often don't know what the heck I want them to do myself!

(((((((((((((((((((Moonkin))))))))))))))))))))))))

To answer the question you ask in your thread title, ''What do you do when you want to kill yourself?'',

When I have an overload of psychic pain and mostly feelings of 'I am so bad' that is when I think to end it all. Journaling helps me vent. Or I call a friend. I'd make an appt. to a therapist. ''I am in so much pain, I feel like ending it all''; that's probably what I'd say to my t at the first session.
If I wanted immediate relief I'd probably come on here and post. I've gotten a lot of support here in the past and I know I can count on the wonderful posters here anytime I need to!

if u want to get better and not actually give up on life ppl scream it out seek help anyway they can
i know i do
and i come in here
i use to keep a journal aswell until someone found it
i talk to my docs and T sometimes

moon in regards to number of replies it doesnt matter
who responds how many responses
i rite to get the thoughts out of my head to release some of that tension
and when ppl if ppl respond the words or virtual hugs are so helpful
i try and remember that at pc so many suffer a pain they are here for support too
and sometimes cos i know i feel like this too
that ppl really want to respond they just dont know what to say and whether if they said something how helpful it wood be and maybe it cood make things worse
so sometimes whether it just be a virtual hug left or nothing at all it does not mean ppl do not care
for we all care to some degree
we are here at pc
we are human in this world
((((((moon)))))))))
tc

Answering your subject line...please go today to see someone...

Checking into a hospital might be a good option - I did that twice two and half years ago - it helped me get unstuck.

By the way - I don't have access to the internet on weekends - when I come back on Monday there are so many posts and some get buried.

As you know - I've been there since your first post...