[pegasus]

Just a gentle reminder about 'I'm leaving posts.' Leaving posts are not allowed as they cause great upset among members. If you want to leave that is your right, you have that choice and you can PM your friends to let them know.

Here is the post by DocJohn...
Sorry, but no more "I'm leaving" posts

Thanks.

[ECHOES]

And what about Long Goodbye threads? Kind of an "I'm Leaving" by proxy...

[pegasus]

I presume the same applies.

[Perna]

If one is a long-time member (over 2 years) one can PM DocJohn with a post one wants to leave and get that approved; presumably you have 82,000 friends by then, if a long-time member, so PMing would be harder/more complicated and potentially more damaging than a post.

I have more trouble with people starting posts and then erasing the contents than I do with people leaving/threatening to leave. I would much rather have someone "warn" me they were thinking of going than write a post and not allow/trust me to read it. Talk about the rug snatched out from under one? At least the extant post gives something to me, if only sad information?

You make a good point, Perna. I'm not sure "I feel hurt and I'm *thinking* about leaving" constitutes a goodbye post.

[venusss]

yeah, I have problems with people posting empty posts as well. It feels bit attention seeking... and it is not helpful. Learning to communicate is first step for healing.... and you are not gonna get any advice or real support by posting "........................."

I have bit problem with people "threatening" to leave. It is tugging on heartstrings of the soft-hearted here and it feels somehow unfair.


(yes,I know we are people with issues. But we should not encourage people being manipulative. It is one thing when one has one crisis. But if it is crisis after crisis and drama after drama... people can end up tangled in it. The most good intentioned peeps too).

I have mixed feeling about this tbh, When I was a member on another forum I would delete my posts because I knew I was judged not because I was "attention seeking" also when someone wants to leave PC I don't have a problem with the person letting us know, If the person wants to PM their friends then that could take forever.

[pegasus]

This is the post that DocJohn made...

After discussion and agreement amongst the community team, we've decided that "I'm sorry, but I'm leaving" posts do not serve the community good and, in fact, often cause harm and upset amongst the remaining members.

We feel that if you're leaving -- as a few of our members choose to do -- that is your right. But you should inform your friends and such via PM, not via a public post to all.

If you are a long-time member (e.g., over 2 years old) and still feel like you'd like to make such a post, PM me personally and I'll approve the post.

All future "I'm leaving" posts that have not been approved by me will be removed; the guidelines will be updated to reflect this change.

Thank you,
DocJohn

This rule came in to effect because some members would threaten to leave, make other members feel guilty and then return again only to do the same thing over again.

There is nothing wrong in doing a post that is saying that someone is taking a break. I would suggest to anyone thinking about leaving to take a break but don't ask for your user name to be deleted, then you can just pick up where you left it.

I felt this reminder was needed as it may be that not everyone knew it was a rule.

Kind regards,

[lizardlady]

If you are a long-time member (e.g., over 2 years old) and still feel like you'd like to make such a post, PM me personally and I'll approve the post.

Wow! That would be one REALLY precocious less than two years old child to be able to post a message!

Sorry to make light in a serious thread, but this just struck my funny bone.

[Open Eyes]

It can be upsetting if we try to PM or leave a message on someones board and they are just not there as well. That can be very triggering too, someone leaves and we are left in wonder as to why or even wonder if it may be something we may have said unknowingly.

What do you mean by empty posts? Are you talking about the posts that people leave that may not really say anything for comfort and just a hug or minimal gesture that basically just means I hear you?

And what about someone that is so triggered by someone that they are really upset and say they are leaving and might be thinking about doing something very serious.
Well, that has happened and when that happens it gives some of us an opportunity to shed some positive light on a situation before it gets out of hand.

SUPPORT? isn't that what PC is about? If we develope relationships here and find a connection somehow and that person hits some kind of low, a cry for help can be done in different ways. Any one of us can get so confused in real life that we can suddenly think that no one in real life or PC cares etc. and with a rule about constricting an I am thinking of leaving thread constricts a possible life saving avenue any one of us could need.

Personally I would not want to see someone think they could not, or were too much of a bother somehow by perhaps not venting or expressing such a loss that they don't ask for help. I would like to think the members here have the right to rally around a real confused cry for help and truely show support and help someone get back on track and give them permission to continue to contribute here and try to get themselves back on track somehow.

This is not facebook or twitter here, this is a support group. Some people have no other avenue to connect IRL and this has been a real stepping stone for many to pick themselves up and truely realize they are not alone and they can get support.

I urge this thought of creating this rule to be truely considered very carefully.

Open Eyes

[pegasus]

Open Eyes, this rule has been in force since January 2008.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( Open Eyes )))))))))))

Also the long threads when someone has deleted from pc are upsetting for members. It hurts knowing someone was hurting so much that they had to delete... All sorts of leaving (and abandonment..) are triggering for many...

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It can be upsetting if we try to PM or leave a message on someones board and they are just not there as well. That can be very triggering too, someone leaves and we are left in wonder as to why or even wonder if it may be something we may have said unknowingly.

What do you mean by empty posts? Are you talking about the posts that people leave that may not really say anything for comfort and just a hug or minimal gesture that basically just means I hear you?

And what about someone that is so triggered by someone that they are really upset and say they are leaving and might be thinking about doing something very serious.
Well, that has happened and when that happens it gives some of us an opportunity to shed some positive light on a situation before it gets out of hand.

SUPPORT? isn't that what PC is about? If we develope relationships here and find a connection somehow and that person hits some kind of low, a cry for help can be done in different ways. Any one of us can get so confused in real life that we can suddenly think that no one in real life or PC cares etc. and with a rule about constricting an I am thinking of leaving thread constricts a possible life saving avenue any one of us could need.

Personally I would not want to see someone think they could not, or were too much of a bother somehow by perhaps not venting or expressing such a loss that they don't ask for help. I would like to think the members here have the right to rally around a real confused cry for help and truely show support and help someone get back on track and give them permission to continue to contribute here and try to get themselves back on track somehow.

This is not facebook or twitter here, this is a support group. Some people have no other avenue to connect IRL and this has been a real stepping stone for many to pick themselves up and truely realize they are not alone and they can get support.

I urge this thought of creating this rule to be truely considered very carefully.

Open Eyes

You wrote it better than I could ever have done

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It can be upsetting if we try to PM or leave a message on someones board and they are just not there as well. That can be very triggering too, someone leaves and we are left in wonder as to why or even wonder if it may be something we may have said unknowingly.

What do you mean by empty posts? Are you talking about the posts that people leave that may not really say anything for comfort and just a hug or minimal gesture that basically just means I hear you?

And what about someone that is so triggered by someone that they are really upset and say they are leaving and might be thinking about doing something very serious.
Well, that has happened and when that happens it gives some of us an opportunity to shed some positive light on a situation before it gets out of hand.

SUPPORT? isn't that what PC is about? If we develope relationships here and find a connection somehow and that person hits some kind of low, a cry for help can be done in different ways. Any one of us can get so confused in real life that we can suddenly think that no one in real life or PC cares etc. and with a rule about constricting an I am thinking of leaving thread constricts a possible life saving avenue any one of us could need.

Personally I would not want to see someone think they could not, or were too much of a bother somehow by perhaps not venting or expressing such a loss that they don't ask for help. I would like to think the members here have the right to rally around a real confused cry for help and truely show support and help someone get back on track and give them permission to continue to contribute here and try to get themselves back on track somehow.

This is not facebook or twitter here, this is a support group. Some people have no other avenue to connect IRL and this has been a real stepping stone for many to pick themselves up and truely realize they are not alone and they can get support.

I urge this thought of creating this rule to be truely considered very carefully.

Open Eyes

[pegasus]

This is not up for debate, it's a reminder. It is a rule which has been in force since January 2008 which I have reposted so that you are all aware.

Take care.

[lizardlady]

Originally Posted by pegasus

This is not up for debate, it's a reminder. It is a rule which has been in force since January 2008 which I have reposted so that you are all aware.

Take care.

Pegs, than you for the reminder.

For those opposed to the rule, may I suggest you take it up via PM or e-mail with DocJohn and the mods? The admin here is open to listening to suggestions from the members.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

((((((((( Open Eyes )))))))))))

Also the long threads when someone has deleted from pc are upsetting for members. It hurts knowing someone was hurting so much that they had to delete... All sorts of leaving (and abandonment..) are triggering for many...

It's triggering, too, when people announce they are leaving and then promptly come back under another name, too.

Originally Posted by pegasus

This is not up for debate, it's a reminder. It is a rule which has been in force since January 2008 which I have reposted so that you are all aware.

Take care.

Yeah sorry I didn't mean to cause a debate i was agreeing with what open eyes was saying

[lynn P.]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

It's triggering, too, when people announce they are leaving and then promptly come back under another name, too.

I agree with you IceCreamkid - if my leaving is announced and many post their sad feelings......then I sign back in with a new name secretly.....that would affect peoples trust. Nothing wrong with leaving quietly then resigning but don't make others think you're leaving for good.

Originally Posted by lynn P.

I agree with you IceCreamkid - if my leaving is announced and many post their sad feelings......then I sign back in with a new name secretly.....that would affect peoples trust. Nothing wrong with leaving quietly then resigning but don't make others think you're leaving for good.

Yeah I can see your point but won't the mods know who it is by IP address's?

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Buttercup.

Yeah I can see your point but won't the mods know who it is by IP address's?

Apparently, it is still allowed. YOu just cannot have two accounts at once.

And you can open new one almost immediatelly after closing the old one...

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

Apparently, it is still allowed. YOu just cannot have two accounts at once.

And you can open new one almost immediatelly after closing the old one...

I see, So you can ask for your account to be deleted and then make another straight away? If this is right then I wander if there is any returning members on here that have left then are back again

[venusss]

Originally Posted by Buttercup.

I see, So you can ask for your account to be deleted and then make another straight away? If this is right then I wander if there is any returning members on here that have left then are back again

sometimes you can tell. Same style, same storyline, clashing with same members......

I am not sure we should allow this kind of manipulation with other's emotions. Yes, it is place for support, but still certain things are not allowed.... so why allow certain people manipulating others with their "I am gonna leave" posts?

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

sometimes you can tell. Same style, same storyline, clashing with same members......

I am not sure we should allow this kind of manipulation with other's emotions. Yes, it is place for support, but still certain things are not allowed.... so why allow certain people manipulating others with their "I am gonna leave" posts?

Thinking about it I do agree with you now Something I will be watching out for

[Open Eyes]

Sigh, I know that has happened as a result of someone being harassed a couple of times here that I know of since I joined. I got caught up in a situation where I just posted to someone and was PM'd about the whole situation behind the scene a few months ago. It was acceptable in that situation somehow for that one person to leave and change their name without announcing the change.

And I can think of two instances where someone made an anouncement of leaving and that person was walking a line. I quietly PM'd that person to relay their value to PC and later those people told me that I saved their lives, they were so badly triggered and not thinking right.

Yes, I can see some upsetting feelings revolving around someone leaving etc. But, if someones life is saved because they sent out a message and was assisted in a quiet supportive way, that is significant in my honest oppinion.

I honestly hope this reminder doesn't cause anyone who has presented this behavior in the past to get upset again and leave, THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW that I know of. But I am a strong believer in "forgiveness" and working past our struggles that may have presented poor decisions, or clouded thinking or whatever.

I am not debating, I am just expressing my oppinion. I am just a lowly member struggling with my own MI and doing my best. I am certainly not a professional.

Open Eyes