[FooZe]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Would it be a dumb idea if say, I wanted to block someone, that I tell him or her I am going to and why? I have been accused of ignoring someone, and I did explain to him that I wasn't intending to.

It sounds like the kind of thing that would drive me crazy if I weren't in a good place. I might feel as if you just had to be mistaken about me, it was obviously my job to straighten you out, and you weren't helping at all when you didn't listen to me.

If, instead, I were in a good place, I'd recognize it as your right to talk to me or not, listen to me or not, with or without the help of the Ignore List feature, no explanation necessary.

I don't think I'd want to be in the position of reassuring someone that I wasn't ignoring them. I guess I'm kind of weird that way -- I prefer to talk when I have something to say, not talk when I don't, and not be held accountable for what I say first to whom, or say last to whom, or don't say at all. I've broken with friends who demanded an answer from me before I had one to give them.

[pegasus]

Ok, as long as we are being honest here. I personally have issues with some people. It is my issue, I know this. So I value the ignore feature. The ignore feature has always been there as a good tool but before it did not stop 'whoever' going in your thread. I viewed 'whoever' as harrassing me. I would start a thread and then they seemed to purposely go in the thread I had started with their viewpoint that would trigger me. It would trigger me so much that I would then delete my thread that I was desperate for support for. This happened over and over again, I would start a thread and then 'whoever' would post in my thread even though I had sent a PM asking them not to reply to my threads. So the PM didn't work and I continued to post threads asking for help and then deleting it when 'whoever' replied.

The new feature, of blocking 'whoever' from my threads means I now feel comfortable enough not to keep deleting my threads. I can post knowing I will no longer be harrassed. I can get the support (in my thread) that I need with no fear of 'whoever' posting in it.

Please keep this feature.

Originally Posted by pegasus

Regarding the new feature of blocking someone replying to you (if you've started the thread) is if it is a thread such as a games thread or a thread like 'You know you are borderline when...' In that case it does seem unfair that the originator of the thread can block someone from a general/playful thread where the persons reply would not affect the originator of the thread. This is where the upset is coming from, people are finding out they are on an ignore list when going in a 'friendly' thread and then it just seems mean and not about self-care at all.

If you can imagine, for example me starting all the games threads and then putting certain people on ignore which would stop them being able to play games at all. Not nice.

But I don't know what the answer to this is as I feel that this new option is wonderful for those that fear posting because they don't want an answer from someone that triggers them. Hmm...

Is it possible to add a feature at the bottom of the page where someone is creating a thread that would allow them to decide if an ignored person can post on their threads or not? That would solve the problem with the game threads and such. I've had that happen to me. I started a thread that everyone, including the few I'd ignored, should have been able to post on. Due to my neglegence and not thinking, I had to take them off my ignore list to be fair.

[DocJohn]

The feature is "as is" -- we cannot let people know ahead of time they are replying to a thread they will be blocked from replying to, and we can't enable this on a per-thread basis. Sorry... so we either keep it "as is," or get rid of it.

Originally Posted by DocJohn

The feature is "as is" -- we cannot let people know ahead of time they are replying to a thread they will be blocked from replying to, and we can't enable this on a per-thread basis. Sorry... so we either keep it "as is," or get rid of it.

Then I'd vote to get rid of it. The "ignore" feature the old way did hide people's posts. People will just have to take the personal responsibility of not opening them and reading them if they don't want to hear from someone.

[amandalouise]

I agree it can be a bit creepy to see someones name on the visitors list if you have blocked them, its happened to me too..that said the visitors list has an arrow on it. where you can click on the arrow and it closes the recent visitors list. that way you dont have to see who is visiting your page and who isnt. I use it myself when I am having the kind of day where seeing blocked names are visiting my profile page. you find the arrow by looking to the right of the words....recent visitor.

the spot where visitors leave messages also has a feature where you must ok messages before they show up on your visitors page...you click on the words quick links in the blue bar at the top of the page (any page not just your profile its the blue tool bar) a menu will show up, click on user control panel...that will open your page where you can set all your settings.. in the list on the left click on ...edit options.... then scroll down until you see the words ...visitor messaging in there you can control who can leave a visitor message on your visitor page.

as for harassing posts you can report the post to a moderator by going to the right of that post that is offending to you and click on report icon. then write in the space provided why you feel the post is offending, harassing you and ask a moderator to help you. the moderators will look at the post and decide if this person is harassing you and if so they will delete the offending post.

also thought I would say that sometimes what we think is someone out to get us or harass us turns out to be just part of our mental disorders.. thats why when I report a post I feel may be harassing someone or other harm to a member I place in the report whether I would like the moderators opinion on that post. if at all possible the moderators answer me back to let me know whether the post was the way I read it to be or whether I misread it, or read too much into it.. the moderators can be a great help in these kinds of issues.

"Ok, as long as we are being honest here. I personally have issues with some people. It is my issue, I know this. So I value the ignore feature. The ignore feature has always been there as a good tool but before it did not stop 'whoever' going in your thread. I viewed 'whoever' as harrassing me. I would start a thread and then they seemed to purposely go in the thread I had started with their viewpoint that would trigger me. It would trigger me so much that I would then delete my thread that I was desperate for support for. This happened over and over again, I would start a thread and then 'whoever' would post in my thread even though I had sent a PM asking them not to reply to my threads. So the PM didn't work and I continued to post threads asking for help and then deleting it when 'whoever' replied.

The new feature, of blocking 'whoever' from my threads means I now feel comfortable enough not to keep deleting my threads. I can post knowing I will no longer be harrassed. I can get the support (in my thread) that I need with no fear of 'whoever' posting in it.

Please keep this feature."~~~Pegasus

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have also had similar experiences as described by Rose Panachee, it is downright awful!!

I have pm'ed "whoever", I have returned their repetitive visits to my page; I have expressed the need to be more "Private" on Open Threads...I do not have a VM Board, that I may not see rude, and confrontational remarks, and, I, more often than not; will reply to a post I read via Private Message; as I do not want to trigger another (should they find my reply triggering on an Open Thread.)

When I do post on someone else's thread, I pm them and ask them if they want me to Delete?

This is a matter of Respect.

We are all individuals with unique Triggers...and this is a "Supportive" Community.


I love this feature.

It protects me. I feel a bit safer on the site now.

I'm with Pegasus, here, and many others...Please keep this feature?

Keep peace? ~~~~~~~~~~Pax? Virago

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I started a thread that everyone, including the few I'd ignored, should have been able to post on. Due to my neglegence and not thinking, I had to take them off my ignore list to be fair.

I think if you PM one of the mods to that forum, they can put a mod as the originator of the thread. That way, everyone can post in the thread and you can use the ignore feature where you want to.

[pegasus]

Ok, FooZe read my mind! Problem solved!

Having been harassed and stalked I find some of these comments to be ironic.
A couple of words of advice... sometimes people will make harassing posts and then delete them before the edit window closes. Replying with their message quoted can be helpful there.
If people visit your profile page in invisible mode they won't leave tracks. They will not be recorded in your last 10 visitors log.
I suppose what you don't see can't trigger you

[lizardlady]

Thanks for the new feature Doc John. In all my years here I think I've only put three people on ignore. It bothered me that they could still reply to my threads. Thanks for the extra protection.

As for those who wonder about adapting the feature to let the person know they are being put on ignore. Seems like a good way to start a firestorm. I see no reason why someone couldn't choose to do that on their own, but I'd rather the feature didn't automatically inform the person.

Hi ((((Liz)))) jmho, but I think it is not such a bad idea to ask in private to please stay away...for whatever reason. Being assertive with some is.quite necessary.
Quite frankly, those that choose to ignore the request, even multiple requests, have a larger issue. I doubt their "feelings" would be hurt if they knew. Just a thought, though.

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Thanks for the new feature Doc John. In all my years here I think I've only put three people on ignore. It bothered me that they could still reply to my threads. Thanks for the extra protection.

As for those who wonder about adapting the feature to let the person know they are being put on ignore. Seems like a good way to start a firestorm. I see no reason why someone couldn't choose to do that on their own, but I'd rather the feature didn't automatically inform the person.

I agree with you in this regard, as well. Sometimes, in the past, I have come across topics and remarks that are quite triggering for me. I have reached out to the mods, and they have totally stepped up to help me identify what I am experiencing may very well be managed with other, more productive tools...which I really appreciate.

It has helped me grow by taking their suggestions. Also having other member feedback has been very helpful.

On a personal note, I, however, am not under any delusion that someone is "out to get me" unless after asking several times to please leave me be, they continue to "show up". It is akin to a fly buzzing around my ear that just wont go away. meh.

"also thought I would say that sometimes what we think is someone out to get us or harass us turns out to be just part of our mental disorders.. thats why when I report a post I feel may be harassing someone or other harm to a member I place in the report whether I would like the moderators opinion on that post. if at all possible the moderators answer me back to let me know whether the post was the way I read it to be or whether I misread it, or read too much into it.. the moderators can be a great help in these kinds of issues."

[Perna]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

As for those who wonder about adapting the feature to let the person know they are being put on ignore. Seems like a good way to start a firestorm. I see no reason why someone couldn't choose to do that on their own, but I'd rather the feature didn't automatically inform the person.

But the feature does automatically inform the person, just after the fact.

I was ignored by someone I don't even know, after I had written a response to their post. I don't mind that I was ignored, but feel the fool to be the last one to know.

It's not just common courtesy, the "Huh?" of being suddenly locked out gets me wondering what I missed, why didn't I know, what's wrong with me when it is the blocker who should be assuming 100% of the responsibility.

My mental health is important too and it's hurtful to talk behind people's back, so-to-speak, by doing a "Watch this, I've blocked her, she doesn't know it and is probably gonna try and post, tee hee". I have no way to find out I've been blocked from my replying (not the same as their blocking reading me, they can already do that). A person blocking can read, write, block, unblock, whatever. A person blocked can read and then write and then get told, "sorry, you're not wanted here, go somewhere else" (if they'll have you). I would be happy to go play somewhere else but tell me before I try to play with you! I'm reaching out and getting my hand slapped. Am I going to reach out again? What if that next person has blocked me?

[Perna]

If we have a friend's list, can't we have a blocked/not friends list? You can block someone but it sends a "you have been blocked by X". It doesn't even have to be viewable by everyone except the blocked and the blockee; totally separate from the "ignore" feature.

Ignore only affects the person ignoring; but blocked gives someone else control over my behavior (I'm not allowed to post/express myself, they can express themselves by blocking me but I cannot express myself, even if that person is ignoring/can't see my post anyway). If I get 5 friends to block you, is that not bullying? If I'm having a bad day and suddenly I'm blocked by people, without even knowing they have blocked me (even knowing, too, but I'm trying to be helpful), how is that different from a bunch of school kids cyber bullying a classmate?

Think about it; a lot of people might not like this post and let me know; not personally, by telling me to my "face" where I can reassure them that's okay, I understand, I bear no ill will, or, that that hurts me; but by blocking me.

[Gus1234U]

Originally Posted by Perna:
Quote: [it is the blocker who should be assuming 100% of the responsibility.]

herein lays the seed of the answer to your question, Perna. i only block people who are offensive and unabashed by requests for self-containment. so i would say that the person being blocked is the bully, the one at fault. people who don't hear warnings feel "unwarned", but that is rarely true.

i spend my time in chats, rather than in the forums, so i hardly know you, but i have heard this kind of complaint before. it hardly seems fair to abuse someone who has shown already that they are unable to tolerate your behaviors.

i do consider it a personal failure to come to the end of my understanding, my ability to tolerate another, but better to admit defeat than to persevere into distress. i hope you will consider, in the future, how others came to feel the need to block you and perhaps this will help you in your personal growth.

best wishes
Gus

[Anika.]

It would be nice if that was always the case. However people block others for all kinds of reasons, not always that it is your behaviour, sometimes it is their own problems. I have been blocked in the past for not agreeing. I have seen people encourage others to block the people they have blocked publicly in threads and it was the same reason..not agreeing. Not agreeing does not equal not being supportive or a reason to remove equality. People really do not only use the block feature to avoid bullying and yes the blocker can also be using the feature to bully.

We are responsible for our own feelings, triggers and reactions. I think the blocking feature was good the way it was. I think it taught people to be responsible for themselves and also taught a healthier way to deal with triggers. Triggers to me are begging us for our attention. Shoving them under the rug sets us up to trip over them again and again untill we learn how to deal with them.
In the case of stalking or harrasing type behavior there was always the ability to contact a mod. Taking away others rights for someone elses comfort whether they feel it is deserved or just in my opinion is a step backward for all parties involved and moderators can help take action in that area. It does not teach nor allow for good communication or personal responsibility and growth. Mods can interviene when needed and help the flow, otherwise it seems we are all just self moderating others.

How many times are people misunderstood here? Instead of taking the time to learn and understand others now we can simply have a trigger finger reaction and not ever have to learn to communticate, be assertive or deal with people who differ from us or to look inward and work on some of our own stuff as well. I have not had to block any members in the three years I have been here. Not that there has never been issues but I have been able to better learn how to communicate and face issues and work through them. That is one thing I have really gained and value from being here.

The option to get help from a mod in the case of harrassment seems more appropriate and healthy than this new feature, seems to me. A neutral party to be objective is not a bad thing. As far as I know putting up with harassment and bullying was never a feature here, there was the ability to report and seek assistance when needed.

As far as our personal pages, could easily be friends list access only, some forums are set up that way. Which would solve that issue without singleing out one person. I am not sure if that is doable here.

[DocJohn]

Folks, let's put things into context here. A tiny fraction of one percent of our active members actually use the Ignore list; most people are fine with just reading what they like, and ignoring (without having to use the Ignore list) people they don't like or disagree with.

We have a simple set of tools that help make the community a little safer if you can't work out your interpersonal differences with another member. That's all it is.

DocJohn

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Perna

If we have a friend's list, can't we have a blocked/not friends list? You can block someone but it sends a "you have been blocked by X". It doesn't even have to be viewable by everyone except the blocked and the blockee; totally separate from the "ignore" feature.

Ignore only affects the person ignoring; but blocked gives someone else control over my behavior (I'm not allowed to post/express myself, they can express themselves by blocking me but I cannot express myself, even if that person is ignoring/can't see my post anyway). If I get 5 friends to block you, is that not bullying? If I'm having a bad day and suddenly I'm blocked by people, without even knowing they have blocked me (even knowing, too, but I'm trying to be helpful), how is that different from a bunch of school kids cyber bullying a classmate?

Think about it; a lot of people might not like this post and let me know; not personally, by telling me to my "face" where I can reassure them that's okay, I understand, I bear no ill will, or, that that hurts me; but by blocking me.

my opinion ...the blocking feature does not prevent a person from expressing their self...

example say someone believes being a lesbian is a mental disorder and I believe its not a mental disorder that needs to be cured.

I read the thread, then I decide to reply. I write out my post, right click, copy, my reply.. then submit.. I discover the starter of the thread has blocked me from replying to them... I feel this issue is important to me so I can either start my own thread by clicking on new thread then paste my reply in and submit...and there we have it ...I have expressed myself and started a new thread which other members can also contribute to... I can even block the person who blocked me to prevent them from derailing my thread.

as for getting 5 friends to block a person...lol the only people that would be getting hurt are those doing the blocking pact because it wont stop the person from posting in other threads and it doesnt prevent the person from starting their own threads on the same issues...

question to think about...how would these 5 people feel when they discover the person they have made a pact to block has threads going on the same issues they thought they blocked the person from and when they try to reply in the blocked persons thread they discover they are blocked from participating in a thread about the same subject matter they were first to start a thread on?

my point is... the blocking feature isnt supposed to be a punishment/ vindictive act used against each other, its supposed to be a way to help ourselves feel safer here. Ive been here for three years now and have read many posts asking for a way to help ourselves be less triggered by those we find offensive, or posts of triggering matters..

sure now that we have another way to protect ourselves from triggering people/triggering posts theres bound to be some who misuse/abuse having this tool but in the end they are only harming their self by using it in negative ways. they are not harming the person they block because that blocked person can still express their self by making posts/replies and threads on their own and with their friends. posting is also not the only way a person can express their self here on psych central...the blocked person can also create their own social group and set it up so that only those they like are in the social group. theres also the chat rooms and blogs, emailing, pming....so in the end using the blocking feature for negativity like blocking pacts against others is harming their self. but I believe out of the thousands of members here the percentage of those that would use the blocking feature for negativity such as blocking pacts against particular members is very slim. I think it says alot about the person that would use psych central as a way to harm others. and those things would not be positive qualities that a person would want other members to think of them as.

Ive been here for three years and I believe a majority of members here are those that would rather psych central remain a supportive mental health site not a battle ground used to abuse/bully and manipulate members.

[big zero]

Just my two cents, but...

I've been tempted to block a couple of people here - not out of any feelings of malice or vindication, but because I found their posts to be highly triggering. After I read that blocking people would prevent them to reply in my threads, I didn't do it. I don't want those people to know I blocked them. I don't want anything to do with them whatsoever. So I'd rather just skip their posts and resist the temptation to take a peek.

Anyway... I just wanted to show that there can be other reasons for blocking that don't really fall into the categories people were talking about here. I can see why it would be necessary to block people from replying in one's thread and derailing it, and I think that's a good idea, because it gives a lot more weight to the act of blocking someone.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

sure now that we have another way to protect ourselves from triggering people/triggering posts

It's part of the ignore feature now, so instead of just affecting the person using it, helping them to protect themselves, it can trigger the person it is used against as big zero points out.

I don't mind that it exists, my ego is not that fragile (better not be after 30 years of therapy :-) I just mind the surprise of not finding out until after the fact instead of at the same time/before. We have a "friends" list and an "ignore" list and I wish the "ignore" list would send a notification like the friends list does so I don't waste my time reading/caring/replying to someone's post only to be told after the fact that I have been blocked. Like I said, I was blocked by a relative stranger, I'm not in the habit of stalking or being a deliberate pain in the patooey to anyone so I don't think I was "personally" blocked (I don't know that person so can't claim they know me, either) but would have been nice if I'd gotten a PM or notice (someone taking responsibility for ignoring another) saying, "hey, don't know why but your posts really bother me, I'm putting you on ignore".

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Perna

I'm reaching out and getting my hand slapped. Am I going to reach out again? What if that next person has blocked me?

And what if every one on the board has blocked me? Does this mean I get to completely not talk to anyone? Just reply only to my own threads? It means a lot to me to be able to be supportive to others here and also to relate to others.

I agree with the idea of someone warning me that I am blocked instead of finding out after. As I said before, finding this new feature hurt me a lot. Surely there must be some other way to protect members without repressing expression.

Carol

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by BrokenNBeautiful

And what if every one on the board has blocked me? Does this mean I get to completely not talk to anyone? Just reply only to my own threads? It means a lot to me to be able to be supportive to others here and also to relate to others.

I agree with the idea of someone warning me that I am blocked instead of finding out after. As I said before, finding this new feature hurt me a lot. Surely there must be some other way to protect members without repressing expression.

Carol

lets think about this for a moment....according to the statistics at the bottom of the page there are...Threads: 267,227, Posts: 2,973,135, Members: 247,465

that means in order for you to be completely blocked from posting on the boards the two hundred and forty seven thousand four hundred and sixty five people have to post post and while making their posts put your name in the blocked list.........and.......the makers of all the threads here totaling at this moment to two hundred and sixty seven thousand two hundred and twenty seven which includes two million nine hundred and seventy three thousand one hundred and thirty five posts would have to post and place your name in the blocked list.....which is impossible because many of those people who started those posts and threads are no longer here or not posting just chatting, pming or emailing.

plus if you look at how many people are joining psych central for example in the last 24 hours 167 new members joined and there were 1800 new posts made.

its safe to say you dont have to worry about running out of posts to reply to and running out of members to talk to. and with all the different ways psych central has for people to express their self you dont have to worry about not being able to do so...

but if you are still worried about this you can start your own social group. invite those you like to join your social group and you will always have someone to talk to, always have a way to express your self....even on the boards because once you get so many members you get your own forum board for your social group. (thats those forum boards you see at the bottom of the page, those are all members who have started their own social groups, took the time to build up their members and after they had enough members their social group became a forum board.)

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

lets think about this for a moment....according to the statistics at the bottom of the page there are...Threads: 267,227, Posts: 2,973,135, Members: 247,465

but if you are still worried about this you can start your own social group. invite those you like to join your social group and you will always have someone to talk to, always have a way to express your self....even on the boards because once you get so many members you get your own forum board for your social group. (thats those forum boards you see at the bottom of the page, those are all members who have started their own social groups, took the time to build up their members and after they had enough members their social group became a forum board.)

I already have a social group and there is no guarantee that they will talk to me. Many of them are quiet.

Also, I am active only on 2 boards where I feel comfortable. This narrows things down a little. I am comfortable with these 2 mental health issues and relating only to those ppl. Not to the whole site here. These 2 groups mean a lot to me.

I get what you are saying.

but since I am active only on 2 boards, I did have a concern about all of them or most of them blocking me. Thank goodness that isn't so right now. But g*d knows that could still happen if they all get annoyed with me or something.

This is a valid feeling.

thanks,

Carol

I will reiterate this again. People need to be a little responsible when ignoring people, and should not start a thread that everyone should have the right to respond to if they are ignoring others. When I accidentially did this, I removed everyone from my ignore list to be fair to all...people need to have the same courtesy to others....or not make such posts.