Check in. How are you doing today?

Feeling lost and distant. Just smoking and wishing the days away. Can't wait for my t to get back from holidays so I can reconnect with her. I hope she had a nice break.

Been off a while. Last weekend went to beautiful state park area and stayed in a cabin with 10 friends. Good people, no problems with them. I live alone and not used to being around so much noise....I was on sensory overload....even with lights which really weren't all that bright. At one meal I was barely into my salad when laughing started and I couldn't take the noise...nothing against those people. Told the person next to me and took off downstairs to finish the salad. Didn't eat anything else. A friend came and prayed peace for me and told me what they were going to do for the evening and if I wanted to participate. Grateful for what she did for me and yes I mostly participated. (Spa night....but not the hand treatment part) I'm glad I went with them and enjoyed it overall. Learned how overwhelmed I can get sensory wise. After that people did some things in another room so it was quieter. It was a wonderful rustic large cabin.with a full kitchen and 9 people who cook better than me. Not sure about my friend Teresa, she tried to cook cold cereal. (Just one little reason for the hysterical laughing)

So tired, everything feels an effort - no thoughts, just zero energy. And I have to go and see T tomorrow - really wish I didn't have to.

Well, I had a really freaky thing happen last week involving work - let's just say it was a case of being forced to walk into my worst case scenario from a detached perspective, yet maintain my composure and be professional. I guess the best analogy I could think of is perhaps a reporter who saw heavy combat in a previous war having to go back onto the battlefield. Or a flight attendant who survived a crash having to get back onto the plane.

Anyway, it threw my world upside down and I've been very shaky, but my resolve is firm, and I'm just doing day by day and concentrating on the positives.

I'm okay...didn't start that way though. Last night tried to set up a time with my dad to help me get my car to a repair place. He said the afternoon was open. I told him I had a few things to do first, he kept interrupting, and I kept asking him not to. Agreed on a time. He called back saying there was a conflict and couldn't do it...after saying several times since Friday the afternoon was open. He never told me who the mechanic was, his contract information etc. Now I trust my dad to take it to someone good and won't overcharge....but I'm an adult, I bought the car, I paid for it and I pay the insurance. This was last night. I was awake until after 3 a.m. I have had a PTSD coping skills and self care group 3 mornings a week this month and just didn't cope well with it this morning. They go too fast and the handouts aren't marked well...I threw them on the floor and started crying, like a 3 year-old. During the break someone did make sure I understood and allowed me to explain why I was so upset. Tomorrow is another day....plans involve the dad again, briefly but also getting a cataract fixed so excited about improved vision.

I'm drinking again. Guess that's not a good sign. I just want to see my t again (she's on holidays). Other than that, there's nothing to live for. I'm just holding out until next week when she's back.

Feeling really low. REALLY low. And my therapist cancelled today, as well as a friend I was supposed to catch up with.

Yup.....feeling really low.....

Sending you a big

Wish the week was over. Taking it one day at a time.

Not too great, low and feeling very tearful. Wishing I could talk to my therapist, but not able to call. Anxiety high, feeling sick to my stomach......

Doing my best, but just really need to cry and be held. Can't do the first and no chance of the second.....wish I could disappear at times like this.

Feeling a bit more motivated today. Going to give things another good go.I had nearly given up there for a while and, while I'm not confident things will change for the better, I'm ready to try and tackle some parts of life again.

Pretty rough. Feel very fragile.

another day of keeping busy staying strong for my wife wishing this feeling of dread would disappear and then realizing it is just something I have to control

another day of good thoughts hopefully another night on no night terrors ...had a bad one a few nights ago still carrying the aftershocks in my mind....

I'm okay today. Hoping it will stay like this for a while.

I've been a lot craving over the past few days, but going on day 6 alcohol free and feeling okay.

I've been getting triggered on and off for a couple days. Saw someone for EMDR yesterday, but I don't think I can get comfortable with her. I try to remind myself that there are people who love and care about me, even though it's hard to feel that.

In pain. Physical pain, emotional pain.

Feel unsafe in my body and in the world.

Blank

Humiliated and ashamed at myself for my behaviour when my therapist told me he was applying and hoped to move away, so he'd be leaving ............ I made a fool of myself by being so upset.

Aww Jane C, that sounds tough. I'm sure I would feel the same if my T said that. There's nothing shameful in being able to attach to a safe person, but I am sorry that T has given you this news. Soup

horrible and feel like everything is falling apart and that I will die a horrible death in some accident

The worst I've felt in months. I've been so triggered this week I feel like I'm going to break down again. Overwhelmed, sad, scared, worn out, emotionally drained and, worst of all to tired to pretend.

i'm feeling good, just a bit anxious about when i'm next seeing my therapist and EMDR.

I am feeling so "nothing". I feel ready to give up and stop T, work, and trying to function in life. I have tried so hard for so long and here I am again feeling like a living dead person.

Feeling ashamed, foolish and, well ... still alive.