Check in. How are you doing today?

I hate when people say they called me and left a message on my voice mail and there is no caller ID saying they actually did call nor are there any actually voice messages to back up their claim either.

i'm not sure if i qualify this thread.

i have only recently disclosed CSA, so i have had no PTSD diagnoses. but i know i fit the criteria unfortunately and i do suffer a lot from trauma memories, flashbacks, anxiety etc. i don't want to label myself.

anyway, i'm a little bit better than i was yesterday. so that's good.

Um ... Good! Christmas threw a monkey wrench in my plans - my mom woke up with a GI bleed and spent the day at the ER. That trashed my plans for a prime rib dinner. Oh well - they didn't keep her and it has resolved (we go through this a lot!). My sister took her, so I had a quiet day with my boys.

Actually, good and not so good.

I am finding that when I wake in the mornings, more often than not, my first thoughts are positive......which has not happened in many many years!

Not so good..........incredibly tense and anxious about tomorrow, NYE, the anniversary of one time I was raped. Makes me feel sick and I am trying my best to keep my mind off it......but.......

Feeling completely tangled. Think my T has lost his patience with me. Feeling alone and misunderstood.

Stuck & Tired.

Wondering how much longer it's worth hanging on for ... And why?

Nothing much to show for the effort(s) so far.

I don't know how I am. If I stay busy things are ok, but when I sit down get lost in my head and feelings.

I am due to see my T tomorrow. I can't remember last weeks session well, but have this mental image of being in a dark room with him, him leaning forwards into my personal space and invading my very core. I am feeling scared about seeing him, hoping I can get and keep on some "armour".

Honestly......I am exhausted, constantly! My parents have been staying and the last 2 days have been sending me over the edge into poor coping strategies.

I haven't seen my therapist now for 3 weeks, and not sure I do want to see him again.......as well as really wish I could go and get all the '****' out of my head and heart and body...............

Gosh I need a holiday...........or to escape this life. I am dreaming of a white sand beach, palm trees bent over my lounger providing shade while I read peacefully, then run down the beach into the azure water and swim, float or snorkel. Maybe go for a sail and swim off the boat.......or go for long walks into tropical forests to stunning waterfalls and swim beneath them.......sigh. Dreams, dreams are free......................................

(yeah, honestly I am tired and feeling in need of care)

I feel awful. I want to go home from school but I have to stay until 2. I am hungry but I don't want to eat until I get my planned meal at home. I'm craving someone's presence so bad but I know everything I'll do today is sleeping, washing myself, drinking tons and going to sleep again. And this makes me feel like I'm about to have a very huge panic attack. I want to get up and run. I want to scream. My life is eating me alive.

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Okay for today ...

I feel you, Pfrog. That's exactly how I feel.

Anybody else ever get so emotionally overwhelmed by daily life stressors that they literally get nauseous and throw up?

I try to humor myself by thinking about poor Stan on Southpark who has the crush on Wendy and every time she even says hello to him he throws up.

I try to dispell the feelings of something being wrong with me by thinking about professional athletes who get so worked up before a game that they, too, toss their cookies.

But, still ...

Does anybody else with C-PTSD have a problem with this when they find themselves on information overload?

Thanks!

Oh Pfrog I almost chucked last week before seeing my therapist after a month break.......and I also get the about to throw up feeling when I feel overwhelmed.......it is no fun, so I understand, and you are not alone!

to you hun, sorry things are so overwhelming for you right now. Hope it improves soon.

I'm new here, but have been diagnosed with PTSD and depression, anxiety, panic, and mood disorder. I have had the worst year of my adult life last year and it seems to be sticking to me, isolating everyone, remembering everything, and flashes of childhood sexual molestation. Sometimes do not know where to turn. I have gotten rid of all my friends, and have my husband and daughter who lives with me, who both have mental diagnosis of their own. Overwhelming! I could use some friends who can talk to me and help me reach out. I attend counseling about once a month because I cant get myself to get out of the house. Thanks for reading, hope it wasn't too much!!!

I am new here, but saw your post. I am feeling the exact same way and already was dealing with childhood ptsd but now have adult ptsd since my last year was the most horrible year of my life. It makes me feel like staying in the house, not talking to anyone, and just trying to deal with normal life.

Too much stress makes me feel overwhelmed, and I cannot deal with it, and turn to anger. I almost immediately feel guilty but cannot help it. Hope your feeling better. I struggle, and some days feel ok, and some just don't want to deal with.......well life! Your not alone! I have a hard time believing that!

Thanks, JaneC ...

It's good to know we are not alone, but it would be even better if we didn't have to experience this particular unpleasantness!

The worst is the loss of interest.

Had a good session with my T yesterday. I even managed to cope with him moving his chair closer to me. So all OK today

i've got a good grip on myself, and i'm holding on for dear life,,, everytime i think i've outlasted the stress, my hands get tired

oh well,, half a grip will just have to do~

i had a great session with my doc yesterday, med adjustment, i think she is finally listening to me!!

avlady I'm glad!

Not sure what's happening with me today. Sat and chain smoked, no idea why. Gave up 15 years ago but recently have been buying the occasional packet.

had a horrendous flashback last night

Horrible. I can't get out of bed. I'm lost. Completely.

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Feeling rather badly because I snapped at a coworker on Friday.

I'm overwhelmed and on information overload right now due to very intense and necessary training and regular work load as well, and I just don't have any capacity for a lot of unnecessary drama and trauma on my plate and yet I chose to add more - knowing I'm at full capacity right now, and as a result acted rather crappily towards another human being!

Have decided to better self care, and will eventually apologize to this person ... But not now because I know how they will respond which will trigger me all over again and I'm not sure I'll be able to react very well to that either!



So right now I'm just going to focus on my job and my training and getting plenty of rest until I've passed all requirements so I can remain employed and not have to look for another job when the new changes go into effect within the next couple of months!